I just really need to let off some steam.
Posted , 6 users are following.
Okay so as a child, I was severely depressed and even suicidal. Some of the main things that got me through were music, socialising and sports. I have been rapping, playing guitar and singing for many years. I also loved to go out to bars and pubs and talk to all sorts of different people. I practised kickboxing and was almost at a competitive level. I always am a very hard worker and very driven because I want to be successful so badly. Judge me if you'd like, but the finer things in life have a very strong pull for me. I was diagnosed with MD about a year ago. It wasn't bad to begin with, just a loss of hearing in my right ear and the occasional dizzy spell. But it's getting worse and worse and I got sick the other week and after the symptoms had cleared up, my ears became very blocked. It's been about two weeks since I was sick and my good ear (left) is still blocked and is starting to act like it has MD also! I hear a ringing in it and I hear things in a very different pitch. And it's starting to freak me out. But more than scared, I feel angry. I feel like ive been cheated. I had so much drive and passion and love for the things I was into and now they've all been taken away from me. I can't sing because I have no idea what key to sing in. Playing guitar just sounds like a blurr of noises and has lost all it's emotional impact. I can't listen to the songs I used to love because they all sound terrible. I can't go out socialising because I can't hear what anyone is saying!! And it's hard to progress in my work at all because iof constantly have to ask people to repeat themselves many times over and people seem to think I'm slow and then I have to sick days just because I feel dizzy! And trying to explain to anyone what's happening it's virtually impossible. I feel like everything I loved is slowly being taken away from me and everything that I've read has just left me feeling depressed! From what I understand, it's just going to get progressively worse and worse until, potentially, I can't even work any more! I feel so robbed! I had so much potential! I'm not afraid of hard work and I constantly push myself to be the best I can be but what's the point? I feel like everything I've ever done has been for nothing and that this will all just slowly fade away as I become a shell of my former self. Life suddenly seems so much grimmer. I'm 23.
I'm really sorry that there's nothing positive and up lifting in here and I know a lot of you probably have it a lot worse than me. I just feel so frustrated that I can't do anything I love any more. 😔
1 like, 6 replies
Patient_Mod justin86991
Posted
Hi justin86991
We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.
If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.
Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.
If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.
Kindest regards
Patient
JMJ Patient_Mod
Posted
Dear Justin,
I'm so sorry to hear that you're suffering, so. I understand how horrified you must be at this point. MD can make you feel like you've lost everything. I remember despairing at one point for many of the reasons that you've mentioned above - especially my inability to hear music. My hearing loss and tinnitus were terrible and I had to continually ask people to repeat themselves, and I could see that I was trying the patience of many friends and family members. Between the hearing loss and the horrendous vertigo, nausea, vomiting, dizziness, loss of balance, etc... I really felt hopeless. And, the unpredictability of it all was makeing me Very anxious and depressed. But after a series of inner ear injections with the steroid Dexamethasone, I've experienced significant improvement in all of those areas and life is soooo much better!
Having a good ENT or Otolaryngologist is essential. Are you being treated by anyone at this point? I think there's probably a good chance for you to feel much better with the right treatment. Are you in the UK? The US?
I'm glad that you joined the forum. I've found it to be a great place to learn about MD and the many treatment options, as well as a tremendous source of support.
Take good care,
J-
miranda72220 justin86991
Posted
Hi Justin
I know exactly how you feel! I was 25 when i was diagnosed and my son was one at the time. There was times I could t care for him the way i wanted because of my dizzy spells and I'm a teacher and had to take time off work! I found from a lady on this forum about upper cervical chiropractice and I feel a million times better no more vertigo the head fog cleared and the pressure in my ears...the hearing still fluctuates but it is much better!
david24820 miranda72220
Posted
Hello
Are you in the U.K.? I'm trying to find a upper cervical chiropractor and there only seems to be one in London that charges extremely high fees. Do you know of any others in the U.K.?
miranda72220 david24820
Posted
Questor justin86991
Posted
So sorry for all your depression concerning this terrible disease! You don't say what steps you have taken to feel better... for me I had to become a " Questor" and spend lots of time looking for solutions! Only then did I start to feel more powerful in my life! This forum is a good start ! Hope you have already started on Serc and are looking for an Upper Cervical chiropractor in your area ! Is there anything you are afraid to hear???!