I just want somewhere to express how much I hate menopause
Posted , 12 users are following.
I hate it. The minute I reached 12 months without a period my body betrayed me. It happened so fast I couldn't believe it. My entire body just suddenly sagged. Jowls became prominent, skin hanging every where. Top to bottom my skin is falling down. I look like I melted. Hot flashes, dripping wet to freezing cold. Rashes under my breasts. My vagina , which was just fine... now dry and painful , even when i'm properly excited. Lubricants only help so much. Exhausted all the time, no excercise , weak, stressed... lost all filters on my emotions making my days at work so hard to get through. i go from calm to enraged to suicidal in less than 60 seconds and sometimes have trouble controlling it. i never want to do anything but sleep or sit in a chair. I'm old, fat and ugly and somehow I'm supposed to get in the mood. I don't understand why the universe would do this to us. If we've become useless at a certain age, why take away everything that makes us a woman in the worst way possible. I relate to the poster who said she felt like she was slowly dying... I feel like I'm the walking dead already. Walking around rotting and I wish it would end. Wish I would end, I can't fix this and my husband deserves better.
6 likes, 25 replies
PatientMod-B Kittyboots
Posted
Hi Kittyboots,
We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.
If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.
Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.
If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.
Kindest regards
Patient
claire38123 Kittyboots
Posted
since iv started peri my physical health and mental health have been in the gutter everything seems such a struggle iv not even been work since jan due to go back tomorrow iv had every symptom under the sun felt like iam dying on a daily and the other night sat and sobbed my socks off for nearly 3 hrs just over cooking for my kids who are 20 and 22 and my hubby who between the 3 of them couldnt find how to switch the cooker on if they ever did try to cook for themselves, then i think the penny dropped with all of them has to how stressed all this is making me as i dont sleep very well and average 4 hrs a night until the hot flushes or palpitations or both start then the anxiety and panic set in then iam up for hrs, its hard for us women when we dont understand whats going on with our bodies and minds during the menopause, iv only just turned 46, iv spoken to my GP and all he offers is antidepressants but i refused them so now iv been in contact with open minds(uk) and i have my first app for a session of CBT in 2 wks i think you need to talk open to someone how your feeling low hormones can affect your mental health so much you dont realize iv gone from working full time running a house and looking after everyone but myself for years and since christmas became someone whos doesnt want to do anything always feeling ill always going drs and feels and looks a mess,, now i want my old self back and i will start with the therapy sessions and work from there you need to talk to someone even if it just your besty,husband,or GP speak to someone soon we can all post on this site and yes it helps loads with all the lovely ladies on ere but nothing like pouring your heart out face to face with someone even if your in floods of tears like i was at the end off it ,its a great release and helps you focus on what matters and how to feel better ,goodluck and big hugs xx
vicky77852 Kittyboots
Posted
I can absolutely relate! I was suicidal 2 years ago and obsessed with aging and death. I couldn't recognize myself and was feeling old almost overnight. Actually it isn't true! It is our brain that plays games with our feelings because of hormones.
Hrt helps a lot but our major help is our mind. Try to give time to your body to adjust and don't be so cruel with your self. I asked some friends how I look and they say the same ( they don't know about meno). I am 43.
kelly55079 Kittyboots
Posted
I still have my periods but I absolute HATE all this stuff that I'm going thru. Some days I'm exhausted and feel like a fat ugly woman wondering why I'm still here. Then other days I feel like I have everything under control.. The best thing we can do is take care of ourselves.. If you need rest do that--don't feel guilty! But in the same token when you feel like you have some energy-- go for a walk.. It's really important to eat the best we can as well with drinking water and take the supplements we need-- Vit D, fish oil, B, etc..... I just started taking collagen for my skin and joints.. There are products to help with the dryness-- The more we help ourselves, I think we'll feel better!! I hope it gets better!
Suki_girl Kittyboots
Posted
Well, we have past our childbearing and nurturing years - we arn't needed any more. It is only relatively recently in human history that so many of us are living beyond our 'useful' years, due to advancements in medicine and increasing life expectancy. The problem is the human race has added years to life but not life to years (those extra years of life are of poor quality). Sorry to be so scientific but that is what i am!
rebecca_68782 Kittyboots
Posted
I can completely empathize. My husband doesn't deserve my craziness either. All these symptoms just appear and it is so difficult to shake them. I try to stay really positive and use affirmations, meditation, etc. My Grandmother lived to be one hundred. She told This too shall pass and be good again. I am holding on to that. best wishes to you.
rebecca_68782 Kittyboots
Posted
I can completely empathize. My husband doesn't deserve my craziness either. All these symptoms just appear and it is so difficult to shake them. I try to stay really positive and use affirmations, meditation, etc. My Grandmother lived to be one hundred. She told This too shall pass and be good again. I am holding on to that. best wishes to you.
mee16031 Kittyboots
Posted
omg!!! you are speaking for me! i feel EXACTLY the same. I don't feel like a woman. i feel like it's all over and it's soooooo unfair. i eat right, sleep right, exercise like crazy etc etc ALL the things one is supposed to do to beat the mood roller coaster, to beat depression, to get motivated... i try and try. joined new classes, dancing, new clothes, hair cut, days out with friends etc etc but NO use at all. Everyday i get up thinking omg another thirty years maybe like this. No libido, watching the body fall apart. Feel trapped in this body. Everyday i get sooo mad at nature. As you say, the suddeness of it is like a punch in the jaw. One year we look normal and the next we look like the crypt keeper inside a dead pharos pyramid! Skin feels like paper and hair thinning into wispy old-woman-hair! There, i vented too. Yes we really need to vent it out. Not that it's going to change anything but....
Suki_girl Kittyboots
Posted
All those who are having a rough ride with menopause - any reason why you are not using HRT?
mee16031 Suki_girl
Posted
I AM on HRT estrogen and progesterone. I started it after six months into no periods. Only helps with the sweating and few other physical things. Libido totally gone. Skin melting.
Suki_girl mee16031
Posted
Oh, my libido is stronger than ever. And I have always had oily acne prone skin (adult acne after coming off the contraceptive pill), so the dryer skin is most welcome. Not fond of the beard hairs though!
Suki_girl mee16031
Posted
on another discussion in this forum a lady recommended taking testosterone for libido and energy.
mee16031 Suki_girl
Posted
acne is actually a sign of healthy testosterone levels. it is no wonder your libido is good. i have been asking my doc to prescribe Testosterone and she just won't. i plan on finding a new doctor. I think the sudden loss of fertility is like someone close died. Perhaps some of us are still in mourning about that. And looks were always important to women as we have always been judged by it. It's very alarming to see it deteriorate rapidly, upsetting to become someone else and get a different reaction from people when they talk to us.
Betty97 mee16031
Posted
I hate looking in the mirror because the face looking back at me looks tired and pale even with makeup on!! I'm roughly the same weight as I was when younger but getting very saggy, I love sleeveless tops but no longer wear them preferring sleeves as a cover up, my family and other people tell me that I don't look my age but I don't believe them even though my mum is 84 and looks at least ten years younger and so people tell me it's in the genes, still not convinced haha to be honest vanity to one side I think the worst thing is health and age anxiety, I completely understand why some women have dark thoughts, I used to have them but that has passed now.
vicky77852 Betty97
Posted
I was obsessed with my looking and I was thinking that my early meno at 41 was the end of my life. I feel that the way we look is the way we feel!
Betty97 vicky77852
Posted
Vicky, I hate meeting people who I haven't seen for years because I think they're thinking how old I look!! This is irrational because we all age!!
I still wear makeup every day and regularly update my clothes and refuse to wear anything frumpy, I do think that no matter what our age we should try to feel good about ourselves appearance wise, my mum is 84 and buys herself a new item of clothing each week, she regularly updates furniture and accessories because she doesn't want to give into old age and I applaud her for that, she has three holidays booked for this year, I actually feel older than her at the moment haha but at least I strive to end up in the same place as my mum. I just want all the feelings of doom and gloom and anxiety to go because in moments when I resurface I feel happy, carefree and wonder why I worry about things, but then it descends again!!! Sorry about hijacking kittyboot's post but my thoughts are with her and I hope she takes comfort in not being alone in this, my dark thoughts went away about a year ago, just waiting for the doom gloom and anxiety to ease now, life is a breeze isn't it, NOT!! haha 😃
Suki_girl Betty97
Posted
Who cares what other people think? As long as you are happy in yourself. Most people these days are so shallow and superficial and obsessed with things that don't really matter like appearance and material possessions - health and love are what matter. If you have your health and you are loved you have all you need to feel fulfilled. It is like the Buddists believe - people need to stop constantly seeking more and more in order to be happy, all the ingredients for a happy life are already there.
Betty97 Suki_girl
Posted
Suki I do agree with you, but I do like to buy new clothes just because I can after bringing up four children and always putting them first, it's just a bit if pay back haha our children were brought up with love and I like to think unspoilt. As long as bills are paid and food is on the table then anything else is a bonus. I think we need a bit of retail therapy with all these horrible menopause symptoms 😃
vicky77852 Betty97
Posted
So true Annete! I was so depressed 2 years ago cause I was convinced that my early meno at 41 was a death sentence and a pass to old age. I was almost convinced that I would die and age faster than my peers. Actually it is the opposite, we can reevaluate our lives and our health and find new motivations.
Betty97 vicky77852
Posted
You certainly are too young at age 41 to write yourself off Vicky, I certainly don't feel old at age 62, just a bit redundant in my empty nest, I had my last period 10 yrs ago and at the time was more than happy to be done with periods but I can understand how you must have felt at 41. You have obviously got your head around it and intend to live your life to the full 😃
vicky77852 Betty97
Posted
My early meno was indeed a shock for me Annette! I believed that I was pregnant and after my diagnosis my husband ask a divorce cause I did not want to try fertility treatments or donor eggs, so it was a very hard time for me.
I felt like a failure and the worst thing was that my new gyn said that propably I was infertile for a long time but I had no idea.
After all that I try to go on my life, single and childless and try to find new meanings and feel grateful for the things I have and live my life with the best way I can! 😃
Suki_girl vicky77852
Posted
So nice of your husband to support you in your time of need ..........
Suki_girl vicky77852
Posted
well done you for having such a positive attitude!
Betty97 vicky77852
Posted
All I can say Vicky is that your husband wasn't good enough for you, you deserve better, he had a right to say that he wanted children, but it was also your right to say you didn't want to go down the road of donor eggs etc....
And there is life without children as you are proving!! and you are most definitely not a failure, children don't define us.
I have four children, funnily enough the last one at age 41! and can't imagine life without them but if I'd chosen not to have them or was unable to have them I'm sure I would have still lead a full and busy life, if anything bringing children has robbed me of my confidence in that I was a stay at home mum, but I wouldn't change it, I have an empty nest now and so am working towards finding my old self haha 😃
vicky77852 Betty97
Posted
Thank you for your kindness Annette! 😃
Sometimes I think that there are so many other severe diseases and people who cannot have the quality of life we have and feel grateful that I am still alive and go on.
I am focused on my career and try not to think so much about meno.
There are girls who never had a period and ladies who had their meno at their 20s!