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i just want the fear to stop, but how?

Posted , 4 users are following.

sam18386
sam18386

I have had to write this post as I feel so sad today. I just don't want to feel like this but don't know how I feel any better. Please help? Despite trying all I can I feel so broken by what I've been told. It may not seem much but after being told by family that sweeping my rape under the carpet, I now discover through counselling and my doctor today that this has buggered my next part of life.i am devastated. I can't have kids naturally, failed IVF and now feel I failed it all, my whole life. My whole life has been geared around having kids. What's the point in now living? I just feel as low as I can. No children no hope no life. I should have been taken 5 years back not my dad. Where do I turn, who will help? The only thing you get off the doctors is ' we'll put you on antidepressants' what for a family that couldn't or wouldn't cope or want to and upset through what a rape has done, well 2, as I was made to take the morning after pill too, just to again please someone else. I need your help - does anyone know a decent technique I can use to turn off flashbacks? Please these things are more scary than anything! Sorry for the rant but the last question is the most important bit for people on here.

1 like, 7 replies

7 Replies

  • borderriever
    borderriever sam18386

    Posted

    Sam

    You need to contact Rape Crisis Centres in your area, to leave serious help for your last five years has dragged you down and you have been unable to put your concerns to sleep.

    I am suprised your GP or Police has not helped, although in a way I can understand you may not have reported this attack to anyone who could have helped at the time

    Contact the Rape Crisis Line in your area, sorry I do not know the names of these help centres, You could look on the web or even on here there may be assistance that can help

    Keep a hold

    BOB

    • sam18386
      sam18386 borderriever

      Posted

      Hi borderriever, thanks for your reply back, I'm already seeing them, but I'm just frightened for the future as this is still exceptionally hard. What else can I do for myself on top of this? My doctors says sertraline but I am not happy, it's an depressant! Another issue has just made it worse, far worse and yes my doctor does know! I can't take much more. Just so 😢!

    • borderriever
      borderriever sam18386

      Posted

      We were unable to have children and that can be really hard when we know we cannot have kids.

      It took us many years and my disability that spoiled our chance as it was a medicine/conition problem had made a decision for me.

      One of several problems I had it was a genetic problem as well and it was on both sides of my family

      How can I help

      BOB

    • sam18386
      sam18386 borderriever

      Posted

      It's injustice that stopped us that and a rape that was ignored for 24 years. Just gutted and absolutely heart broken, it makes me feel less of a woman! I'm sorry but that is truth, My rapists did their damage, especially when you are forced to get rid of a child at 25. Just feel cheated. But thanks for support.x

  • Louisaluvsrio
    Louisaluvsrio sam18386

    Posted

    You are still haunted by the rape cos your needs were not met at the time.

    I'm sorry sam but you have to take all the help you can get to help you move forward. Do you see 'Victim Support?'

    They were very good to me when it happened and after going there I felt like a weight had been lifted off me.

    If you never have children you can always make genuine friends who will be like family to you. I have just a few but a few supportive friends.

    You will get dark days and then you will get happier days.

    • sam18386
      sam18386 Louisaluvsrio

      Posted

      Hi Louisaluvsrio, I have nver been to victim support but it's worth bearing in mind thank you, Leicester offer a company that work along side rape crisis called UAVA, they offer emotional support and are totally non-judgemental, I have spoken to them a few times and find them really good.  I don't know what else to do but I know the counsellor was speaking to someone more senior to try to see the best way forward, she's never given up in fairness!  I've already tackled one of the reasons this became so bad/worse through a complaints department at the hospital as they added to how bad I was already feeling and did nothing except mock and belittle my husband and I.  It might help we'll see.  The worse problem is my family who thought it was a good idea at the time to sweep this under the carpet and that I'll never forget!

    • Louisaluvsrio
      Louisaluvsrio sam18386

      Posted

      I understand. Years ago I went to a doctor to ask for counselling. He sat there and laughed at me. I felt ill all weekend.

      Not all doctors are like that though. There is a doctor who comes into my shop and I asked him if he had heard about this doctor.

      His answer was "Yes and he is s.."

      So don't take what happened with that quack to heart.

      I know a guy of 48 who is still haunted by his childhood even though he never lived with his dad. His dad was abusive.

      Let me know how you are getting on.

      I deal with my anxiety by distracting myself in the day and doing things.

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