I know it;s late but what a rubbish week

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Been out for the day to try and cheer myself up, didn't work. Saw my psychaitrist on Friday new guy never met before so meeting was not good cos I didn't know him but he had read my file. So didn't get very far, wait a month for next meeting The report for my work which I was hoping to discuss hadn;t been sent through. Was to be posted to me 1st class, ha ha didn;t arrive today but I got all the stuff from my employer about early retirement due to ill health. Read it didn't go in, got upset went out home after being stuck in a traffic jam due to an accident. Tried fixing my laptop due to window 10 lost he plot. Went for a drive safely??? Home watched the film Gone girl good psyco thriller and went on the wine yes iknow its not a good idea plus it hasn't knocked me out. Still very low mood cut word DIE into my stomach cos that's what I want to do.....was going to phone samaritans but don't really want to talk so thought typing on here might help. Not expecting a reply so don't worry tomorrow is another day!!!!!!!!Let's hope it arrives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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7 Replies

  • Posted

    Just wish life would start improving just a tiny little bit please.....that's not asking for too much is it?
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  • Posted

    You seem to have put a lot of pressure on yourself today. Things went wrong on Friday and it has been downhill from there hasn't it chick. Seeing a new psychiatrist is a very difficult thing... you have to trust them with the most intimate details of your life when you know nothing about them. I know it upset you that he read your file but I am sure you understand why he had to, he wants to help the best he can. .Don't give up on him yet, building up a doctor-patient relationship takes time and work from both sides, so make an effort with him and you may just be rewarded.

    As for your report, if your postal service is anything like mine, it may have been sent first class and still not arrive for two weeks!!! Wait until you see the post mark before you blame anyone? And your early retirement papers. Is this something you were wanting? If not, as far as I am aware, they can't force it on you. But either way, you can seek legal advice if you want to fight it. If you don't, retirement could be nice. Less pressure on you for a start. more time to focus on you?

    Trying to fix anything when you are already stressed is a very bad idea lol. I don't know how much you know about computers but do you know what is wrong? If not try Googling, there will no doubt be an answer somewhere.

    You say went for a drive safely with three question marks... I am presuming you weren't particularly safe then otherwise you wouldn't have mentioned it? If you did go out and drive unsafely, you need to stop and never do it again, because it isn't just your life at risk, it is other people's too and I know you wouldn't cope if you hit a car and killed a baby inside it. If you were driving safely then ignore all that and carry on.

    As for the cutting.. make sure you give there area a good wash with soap and water. If it is deep put a dressing on it otherwise leave it to dry and keep it dry and clean.

    Don't let this dark cloud swallow you up. There is a light at the end of the tunnel whether you can see it at the moment or not. xxxxx

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    • Posted

      Thank you for your reply, I've been reading your laments of a loon. What wise words. I am going through the process of being assessed to see if I ha v e bpd or adjustment disorder, which is taking its toll on me. It has reared its ugly head following the death of my husband who they seem to think kept it under control over the years. I have reverted back to my teenage years being reckless, not caring what I say, do get upset so quickly go into rages for stupid things, etc etc. I just hate myself so much again this week due to what's been going on. No I don't really want to end my work yet but that is what they're implying. I just feel they don't care. I know our postal service where I live you always add on an extra day lol. I just want all this aggro to stop, go away and leave me alone but I know it won't and I've got to face it head on but I'm just tired of struggling. I've been bouncing around this for just over a year now and it has got to STOP. Trouble is there is only one way out, which deep down I know isn't the right way.. x
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    • Posted

      There is never only one way out hun, people always have choices even when they don't feel like they do. I am so sorry to hear about the death of your husband, that must be very difficult for you.

      It is possible you have both BPD and Adjustmant Disorder, goodness knows they have given me a nice mix of diagnoses'!

      Whatever you have, it is important to realise that a diagnosis is a good thing, it allows you to read up on the condition, and next time you do or say something you don't like, you can at least thing 'That is only the BPD/AD talking, not me' which helps you feel less guilty and more in control. A diagnosis also opens up doors for the best treatment for you.

      Be kind to yourself. You are going through a really tough time at the moment and instead of putting loads of pressure on yourself to 'get a grip' or to get instantly better, accept that it isn't completely in your hands and it is going to take some time, but it WILL get better eventually.

      You will get there hun. And are you a member of a union? If so talk to them about the early retirement issue. They may be able to help you. If not, speak to your employers and let them know you really don't feel ready to go just yet. They may be able to sort something out, like working fewer hours that both give you and them some space without you having to face early retirement? xxxx

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  • Posted

    Hi Tina, I really sympathise about dealing with insensitive employers. I read one of your'e previous posts - have I got it right? - you work for the local council. My sister works for ours round here, and has had to balance doing her job, under continual threat of redundancy for last 5 years - while being responsible for my mums care after she was diagnosed with Alzheimers.  She has been harrassed, bullied to the point of taking time of sick with stress. Things are a bit more settled now, after she got some support from her union, but my God, what a nightmare! Dont expect any sympathy from that quarter.  Isnt there anyone you have close to you who can support you emotionally?
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    • Posted

      I know employers have to follow procedures but my mental health can't cope with these issues. I'm sorry your sister was having problems with her employer good that the union helped sometimes I think managers just action the guidance to the letter without thinking of the circumstances.. I couldn't fault my line manager he has been so supportive and understanding, during the period my husband was terminally ill as I had to leave work at the drop of a hat at times, days off to care or accompany him to various treatments, appointments. It's the next one up that's telling me these things due to me now being off again they are turning the screws. I just want to stick my head in the sand and hope everything just goes away or take the drastic way out which isn't the answer either. Suppose as it's nearly mid day better kick my arse out of bed let's see what today has to throw at us all. X
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    • Posted

      My sister has had some very understanding managers, but off late they have been getting more bolshy about her taking time off - as with yourself - to see to issues to do with my mums care. She lived very near my mum, and I lived further away, although recently moved closer, which is why she ended up having to mostly manage things. Ironically she was PA to one of the Directors of the dept which actually looks after people with dementia - so you would think/hope they would be more understanding.  It seems that because the pressure is on to save money - all the financial cuts they have to make - thanks to our caring govt - it seems to really bring out the worst in alot of people. I think everyone - even according to my sis - Directors, are in fear of losing their jobs, and the constant pressure just makes people much less considerate.

      My mums dementia is so bad that she had to go in a care home recently, so the pressure is off the family at last. I really hope things get easier for you.

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