I lost my interest in living but trying very hard not to be suicidal

Posted , 4 users are following.

Was born in very demanding family, an aristocrate if u may say. Family priority is always name, reputation,name, reputation. Fast forward..i succeed in most of the demanded. Studies excellently, double masters double degree and stuffs. Family support to venture into business but as yoing boy i failed. Family first cut of support and so called i lived in exile as i shame family. Married failed as wife sees i m not anymore rich. Took son and didnt give sharing. Hardly ever ablr to see sin. Somehow out of nowhere i become rich..this time fully on my own. Family now down. Business collapses. I came back to help family as i m now the only hope. Remarried again to a foriegn political family, a powerful and wealthy so to speak. I have now double demanded expectations. From own family and wife. Luck turn back again from me now in worst situation. Business collapses..again. Debts mountained. To make its worst friends introduce to gambling so called to get easy money. Problems deepens. I m now failed both parents and own family. Family start giving biggest pressure because failure in debts means family name tarnished. Wife now no longer talk nicely as i cant provided 20k bags or first class travels. I dont see any road or future paths. i m failing and falling day by day. Wife says i m failing as husband and father..i got new son. Dad says i m a fail son. I have no one to talk or discuse because no want want to hear. Friends all gone. Those who i have helps become millionaires also ran because i have lost privillage. I really at dead end. If i dead family will get millions from my high insurance but my religion dont allows suicide..its straight highway to hell. Sorry to put so much here as i really cant talk to anyone. I do not know what to think to hope or to do. I m fighting everyday to provide to my family and to take care reputation but i afraid i cant much more. I m 39 so not young to hope much more. I do not care about me at all but i dont want family to suffer because of my failure. Its only me to blamed. Tq people for listening.

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  • Posted

    Hi PrinceTE

    We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

    If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

    Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

    If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

    Kindest regards

    Patient

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  • Posted

    Hi PrinceTE

    Firstly suicide is not the answer.  You are not a failure, you are just trying to live up to everyone's expectations and that is no way to live your life.

    Firstly you need to start putting yourself first and stand up to the people that are bullying you into feeling that you are worthless.  Gambling is not going to help you and will only make you further unhappy and in debt.  You need to stop gambling your money away and think about working out a way to move forward in a sensible way.

    Sit your family down and tell them that you are trying your hardest and that you need support and not condemnation!  You are not a failure!  Tell them you are a good man who is trying his best to support his family.  Life is not about having fancy holidays and expensive gifts it is about sharing life together and living life supporting each other.  If all your wife is bothered about is money and fancy things then she isn't really a nice person in my opinion. 

    Start by sorting out your life and finances.  Get some advice on how to manage your money and then start to budget.  All fancy stuff will have to go on hold right now and your wife will have to understand that.  Tell your family to back off and give you some support and not criticism and then you may succeed rather than feeling that your life is worthless.

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    • Posted

      Hi stephie. If life would be that simple and people would be that understand than i wont face this issues in first place.

      It look simple to others but everyone have totally different environment. I cant escape mine. I tried but failed too made anyone around me understand situation. Believe me all what u all saying here i tried. Either my situation is so unique that no one would face it or what i m not sure. Straight to the point. Meeting the demanded are almost too hard now and to make those people understand is equally hard. I cant help i they chose not to understand. Whats left for me to do is try to meet the demands. I talk to parent they say they wrong educate me thats why i m a failure and embarasment to them. I talk to my wife she said its my responsibility to settle all this. U want to live or u dont want u must settle what needed. So...what can i do? Seriously?

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    • Posted

      But what more can you do?  You say about having to meet the demand but how can you do that if all you are doing is setting yourself up to fail? 

      Your situation may be unique but I am sure there are many others in a similar situation that have to face facts that they cannot meet everyone's expectations and they have to get loved ones to lower those expectations in order to give the person a chance. 

      You are in a situation where you are meeting the backlash from your parents and your wife but they are giving you an impossible target to reach and then get angry when you fail.  That to me is unacceptable and amounts to cruelty.

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  • Posted

    It sounds like you have had a rollercoaster life and experiences some things that are worlds away from what some have experienced (I have never taken first class travel - what's it like?) 

    Anyway, most of your problems seem to be money related. Money doesn't equal happiness. Do you think your romantic partners have been with you for the money as if the relationship turns sour when the money runs out then this is a sure sign that they are materialistic people. I would simplify your life and stop measuring your success by volume of money, type of job, material possession etc. You mention that you have a religion - do you mind me asking what that is? I believe in God and I know that he loves me regardless of financial situation - if anything he probably prefers me to be poorer because then I am less distracted by material concerns. 

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    • Posted

      Hi Gabriella. Thanks so much for your concern and words. Though most of it is true that its money related but if u see it deeper its not really. Its related but not entirely. Its more to failure to provide and to meet expectation with then turn into failure of providing those with ' expected' duty. Yeah i live in world different from many and true though i m may in trouble but millions out there living worst conditions or poorer.but one thing most do not understand is all not about poor or rich or have or have-not. What it is really about is ability to meet expectation and the demand in exact world they living. In my years of suffering i have been thinking evaluating a lot. A person with 100 dollars a week can be happy can be a proud father or proud sons or daugther as the world the live in and families and surrounding demand less from them. Some even can be hail as ' nobel prize winner' just for not doing drugs if he lives in famalies or surroundings of drugs abused environment.. Still for some like me and others can be call scums, failure or disgrace sons or husband just because cant be a milkuinaires.and even if we still able give and provide 'minimum' modeate shelters, food 3 times a day children school etc we will be still labelled disgraced men Because community or environment we lived in that still considered lowest standards and a humiliation. To be honest after many nights, weeks and months of own thinking, i think its not money that make me depressed. Its the demanding life i need to fullfill. Failing to fill this that gave me feeling disgrace, humiliated and useless and how i cant find ways to jump out of this sand traps make me......huhhh. I cant describe the feeling. Just like living is too much burden to handle. Well its really good i found this website. I can just say things without people knowing who.

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    • Posted

      The expectations placed on you sound like a burden. Could you move yourself out of your environment into one where you have less pressure on you to fulfill a role or do you have responsibilities that you are tied to there? 
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    • Posted

      Yeah. Escape is like not a feasible choices. Unless i would really want to get disowned and left all family behind. Which i wont as i dont think i m able be parted with my kid and wife thought i m failing them. Very confusing and seriously i dont see any door.
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  • Posted

    But you're not failing them! If they think you're failing them then it's them that need to address their values not you. Have you read The Sutble Art Of Not Giving a F - it's very good. 

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