I love my boyfriend, why do I feel this way?
Posted , 4 users are following.
So for starters I've been with my boyfriend almost three years. The start of our relationship was rocky with him texting other girls or looking at other girls on social media. No actual cheating happened and I know that sounds weird to say but I felt betrayed. It's been years since and I've moved past it and I feel much better than I once did and he really has changed. I feel the need to control his every move so he won't do it again. I feel like the reason is, is because if he were to talk or look at or be around another girl it would mean I'm not good enough, just like I felt at the beginning of our relationship. I have major issues with not liking myself and I don't know how to fix that. My anxiety gets higher and higher because I can't control everything. I don't know how to let go. He's very understanding and supportive of the anxiety I go through and am currently in therapy and started Zoloft for. There really are no more problems he's causing but I'm always looking to blame my anxiety on him. My anxiety which turn into anger creates a fight. I want to just be happy. I know it's truly me but I don't know how to fix it. Is it drawing from the past? Is it fixable? I know I'm not an affectionate person at all and I want to learn how like him but that is also hard too. The anxiety makes me question our relationship as a whole. Then I think how would I feel if I just let him go. I would miss him every moment from when I wake up to when I sleep. I'll miss him in every aspect of life. His happiness, his love, his smile, his dorky humor, his sleepyness, his hugs I would miss everything. IM not sure how to stop my anxiety from telling me I don't love him. If I didn't want to be with him I wouldn't. But it creeps up on me and makes me feel awful. What do I do?
0 likes, 7 replies
borderriever lauren66998
Posted
Your problem here was caused by His eyes looking for a better pasture, some people are like that and many can also be women who have the wandering eye
All I can really say regard this is a learning situation that is hard to control and it becomes a habit and a self destruction of a relationship that seems to be now going well
Your problem is if this is going to carry on over the years, it will eventually break the relationship. However your Partner may feel it is giving some form of control over you, this is a power He can use when you are weak
If you feel this game is going to go on and on it will not be a comfortable place for you to want to be. Your trust has gone and you may be flogging a dead horse.
Only you can decide on this problem you need to consider what you need and if there is any stress or distrust it will most probably get worse over the years.
Many people go through this sort of thing, I would prefer not to play even if your boyfriend has stopped the wandering eye
How much are you willing to tolerate
lauren66998 borderriever
Posted
The last time anything ever happened I let him know that this was his last chance. He hasn't done anything since. A lot of people say that trying to stop a man from looking at other women is impossible. That it's programmed in men. Which I disagree with. Anyone can do anything if they try. I truly do believe he had learned that I really hurts deep down and I think he changed because he now realizes how much pain it actually causes me and why. Because I don't like myself and it makes me think he doesn't think I'm good enough either because he is looking at other girls. I don't mean he looks at bad pictures. Just pictures of girls on social media when he scrolls through. He decided that he would eliminate his social media. Which is actually good for his career but it's eliminated that anxiety for me. But I don't know how to let go of old memories. I really do want to get better. I catch myself being exactly like my mom who ruins he relationships or pushes her partners way too hard. I want to relax. Lose control and just be how I once was. Having anxiety doesn't help but I think with the right guidance I can return to be a less anxious me.
borderriever lauren66998
Posted
I went out with a female that lied, we were together for four years or so and we went to a priest and marraige guidence.
Eventually I found it was killing the relationship and we broke up. I had problems over this time She would follow me around and stand at the bottom of my Street until the last bus.
I know this does not apply here all I say, relationships over long periods change, you need to go through that with open eyes.
I can see this elationship work as you seem strong. It is however a doubt that I know you will control.
Ask yourself how you will be when married and settled, little things can blow up, I have been married forty years and things can come back and bite us both on the behind.
Try not make an issue regarding this and stop going way back in the past. You are both in a partnership, both can enjoy.
Sign that truce and if it starts again give him several whallops
lauren66998 borderriever
Posted
I think about marriage. When I do I think about being healthy. No major anxiety and happy with myself. I don't picture this big change with him because he truly does change when I've asked him or told him something he did bothered me. I struggle a lot with what I went through in my parents 15 year marriage which made me not date or when a guy would want to date I always said no because I found something wrong. Until now. My current boyfriend was my friend who then became my boyfriend and I've never made up an excuse as to why I don't like him like when I would with anyone wanting to date me. He is younger and his dad has dementia so I know he needs a little guidance and I think I stepped into an parent role of control. Now he's a man who supports us and is responsible and a good person. I don't need to control him anymore I just need literal step by step guidelines on how to stop this habit. I don't want to repeat my moms mistakes. She dates constantly and is constantly blaming others. She doesn't recognize the traits that are bad that I see in myself. I want to be go with the flow when she's never let me. I want to no worry if I'll get in trouble or be yelled out for having certain food or not doing something correctly. I still live with her so it's hard. But I believe if I can lower my anxiety while I'm her presence then when I move out I'll be much better.
borderriever lauren66998
Posted
If your boyfriend has wandering eyes every now and then laugh at him and hit/slap His arm. Making a joke may work here
When it comes to your Mother I can in some ways relate with my parents. My Father died of Dementia around twelve years ago.
You have your life to live we are all different, She seems not to be a gleaming example to show her Daughter.
Try some Breathing Techniques if your getting upset, it is difficult if you are living with your Mam, try and be just there for her and keep calm if She is making errors in her own life she can most probably be uncomfortable when discussing them with you, I was once told my Parents would have a go at me because of their own inadiquate actions
BOB
lauren66998 borderriever
Posted
How do you separate youself emotionally from your parent while still being physically there? I want to have a relationship with my mom and I know she won't change. I need to change how I react because that's the only thing I can control
borderriever lauren66998
Posted
I was at college for my Engineering, and Part Time Youth Leader Course and was also taking my own Youth Club. I was also learning to dance and would be out three nights a week dancing. Was out in the morning at 06;30 and back home around 11;00pm-02;00am each day so I was never around. There was stress bad stress, I lived my life and made my errors. Had a really good time
BOB