I'm 19, my boyfriends 21 and I think he has a drinking problem

Posted , 12 users are following.

We've been together for almost 2 years.. I don't think I recall him having a problem when we got together, it's more of a gradual thing that I am more aware of now I'm older plus how severely it is impacting our relationship. We share the same friends, he was a friend before we got into a relationship and because we are young 99.5% of socialising with our friends involves drinking..

I've been insulted, cheated on, spoke down on, hit.. The most recent was being pushed as hard as possible to nearly falling over in front of everyone and him nearly getting beat up because of it last weekend. Him being drunk causes him to have paranoia (mostly about me cheating) and aggressiveness. he is the most lovely person who I adore when sober, as soon as he drinks I don't even know if he's the same person.

He can't have just 1 or 2, even 6-7 he always guarantees to drink double of what me and his friends will drink in a night. I avoid going drinking with him there, or if he is there, avoid going near him because it is guaranteed he will somehow get verbally aggressive.

He will come to watch a movie with me with a 4 pack of beers to drink on his own a lot.

He's on the verge of getting sacked for going home "sick" 'cough cough.. Hungover. Or not even bothering to go to work at all..

He got sacked from his last job earlier this year- same reason.

I've talked about how I think he has a problem and he agrees he will prove it to me and stop (however has serious denial about a problem when intoxicated). Last time he promised was Sunday, after the pushing incident. It is now Thursday, he's passed out downstairs on my sofa after going to the pub with a friend and returning to my house to accuse me of cheating I'm 19 years old, I don't want to stop drinking, I don't have a problem with drinking and neither do his friends.. But he feels he has to because we do.. Or else, what else can he do? I really want to support him through this and I don't want alcohol to be the reason for this relationship to end. It's just going to get worse and I can't just sit back and watch it happen

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12 Replies

  • Posted

    Gu Fkirak,,does not look god. You are too young to be dealing with so many problems and perhaps you should leave him..it has to be an honest answer since you seem like an honorable and kind person and you are definitely too good for him. Regards Robin
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  • Posted

    I agree with Robin2015, sorry but unless he is "the one for you, come what may" that you would stick with forever, I think you need to break off the relationship for your own sake. By all means try and help if you can but from a distance,i f that is possible. This is a problem that needs to be tackled now before it gets worse for him.

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  • Posted

    His behaviour is unacceptable and being drunk is no excuse. You do not deserve this and you must look after yourself. I understand they you love him and want to help him. Sometimes tough love is needed. I agree with the others you should walk away, at least until he has dealt with the problem if he can. Easier said then done, I know. You might be able to be a supportive friend while he gets help but not his girlfriend. Are there things you enjoy doing together that don't involve drinking? I really do wish you well.

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    • Posted

      I can really relate to your story me and my wife of 35 years are a lot older but I can relate to the same scenario I raised two boys and with her stamina she put up with the fear factors and me drinking she got codependent and lived a 20-year life of hell I now at 67 look back and wish that someone would have told her the right answers but I assure you the right answer is in your heart and your mind you have to sincerely talk to him if the relationship is a very important part of your young life God bless you and this decision and his decision to stop drinking has to be his part. Not your decision. Yourban decision is to put up with it or not to be your part. I advise that both of you get help if you want the relationship to last. Good luck I know it is so easy for someone to advise you to just cut the relationship off that you are very young. Just remember all the decisions that we make in our life are our decisions and we are the only one that has to suffer or be rewarded from the results so carefully evaluate your relationship and make the right decision for you God bless and good luck
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  • Posted

    You are a wise 19 year old.

    I wonder if there is alcohol abuse in your family...cause I wonder how you have been able to articulate so well...this problem he has.

    My advice...is break up with him..NOW...hitting is unacceptable..no excuse....why do you feel that low about yourself to put up with it?

    I think for that reason...you need to analyze yourself and heal yourself...and you will not be able to do that with him.

    You can NOT save him..he is his own worst enemy. and he is bringing you down with him.

    Are you going to school/college?  If not...focus on that...and doing something for yourself to make yourself grow as a person rather than being in this "ditch" with him.

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    • Posted

      I also think...lol

      That you are too YOUNG to get help or therapy for fixing your relationship.

      Your relationship is SO BROKEN.

      Run AWAY now.

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  • Posted


    It seems like the drinking culture that has been developed is not healthy.

    It's very easy to use drink as a crutch.. I think your boyfriend is doing that to numb his feelings.

    He finds it harder to talk and easier to block it out .

    Hitting isn't acceptable but his anger must drive him to behave irrationally.

    He clearly needs help and sometimes it's hard to get through to them...it's a roller coaster for them and they have to wake up to it in their own time...

    Keep gently mentioning that he needs help so that eventually he will take it..

    He maybe at a place in his life where he is listening but can actually FEEL what he is hearing .. He can't take it in at the moment..

    He's not quite there YET!!

    Everyone has their journey ...

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    • Posted

      How can you have an emotional relationship with an alcoholic?

      When he doesn't even know what he is feeling?

      How would he know how he feels about you when the alcohol is talking?

      He needs to STOP drinking .. Only then will you be able to be in a relationship with him.

      At the moment he just needs a FRIEND??????

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  • Posted

    Speaking as someone who brushed their own problem drinking under the carpet for many years, your boyfriend definitely needs to rethink his habits. In the meantime, you need to keep yourself safe. I'm sorry to say this, but your relationship sounds abusive. You deserve far better than to live in fear of the next round of drunken violence - be it physical or emotional. He is accountable for all his actions, whether under the influence or sober. We all are. My advice to you is to leave and live your life. Really hope things work out for the best.

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