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Recently I've become more and more depressed and anxious and I don't understand where its all coming from. I know someone who had a break down because of these issues and they can't cope with their life anymore. I don't want to go through the same thing. It's gotten worse actually, I would be scared to walk on the street or go to crowded places. Everywhere I go I feel like people are judging me or think I'm weird. Whenever there's people whispering or laughing, I feel like they're talking about me. Sometimes they are. Once these two girls were on the bus and this one girl sat behing me and yelled:" it stinks here!" so they moved to the otherside. Afterwards they were discussing why and I guess they dcided to blame it on me because suddenly one of them said really loudly:"Maybe she never showers!!" I was the only one sitting there. I care a lot about my personal hygenie so I'm pretty sure it wasn't me but for someone who's so self-conscious that hurt a lot. It also made my parinoia worse. I literary have no self-esteem, I hate everything about myself including my looks and personality. I can't give a speech in front of a class without looking like an idiot or stuttering. I'm constantly scared of looking stupid or embrassing myself. Looking people in the eye is like vegetarians eating meat. I feel like I have no control over my body, people would say stuff like:" you look like you're about to cry." when I feel perfectly fine or "why is your face like that". I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin and I feel like I'm embrassing myself all the time. At school I dropped so many courses and quite so many activities because I just want to go home and lock myself in my room. Nothing seems fun anymore. I stopped hangingout with my friends because I feel too uncomfortable around them and pushed people away. I have no energy and feel so tired all the time. Also I always find people laughing at me or smirking whenever I walk by or say something. Today this guy that was talking to me looked so awkward and uncomfortable. I wanted to jump into a crack. I'm so sensitive its ruining my life. I wish I can just be normal again and go about my life like before, hangingout with friends and cracking jokes. Now winter break's gonna be over and I have to go back to school where everone thinks I'm weird and stupid. Looking forward to that. Please help me, I just want to be myself again.
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