I'm at breaking point.

Posted , 5 users are following.

I don't want to sound negative or anything. But this is beyond a joke. Who seriously can put up with this and expect to come out on top. 

I don't even know how to describe the feeling I am getting properly so I don't know whether or not I can get the right assistance if I can't explain the problem. 

Basically it feels as though I am being shrouded by something, It's not so much numbness to the point where I can't move anything, I can move my head, my hands, my legs, but it's extremely light like a feather when I move my body around. I don't know if numbness is the correct word, I feel very detached from myself I've never experienced anything like this and this has persistently been occuring regardless if I am relaxed, comfortable, in a panic, when i first wake up, when i try get back in my gym routine, when I get ouside, it's literally affecting my entire daily routine and my psychologist keeps saying "It's anxiety"

How the hell is this anxiety when if anything this is triggering my anxiety and not the other way around. I definitely respect her she has helped a lot over the past but this is on a whole different scale.

I've contemplated suicide for the last few weeks, today and yesterday mostly. I ain't quite sure how I would go about it if I did decide that enough is enough. 

I've tried pretty much everything social related that I can assume I can do, I've seen my GP quite a few times he keeps saying I am fine, that my blood pressure is fine, I had an ECG done 2 months ago that came back fine other than breathing out to much carbon dioxide (which causes me to feel uneasy) however I doubt at this point that that has anything to do with what I am experiencing 24-7.

I do have low vitamin D which I have questioned whether or not could it be a cause but I had a blood test done 2 months ago and even then I'm sure my doctor would've told me if there was any concerns (I do take supplements and get outside as often as possible)

People probably think I'm delusional or going crazy or something and it truly sucks. If I had an answer or help or assistance that could make me understand this condition more thoroughly without a lot of blank answers or responsed I would more than likely be like "Yeah, ruled that out, ruled that out" and I would more than likely eventually be able to recover.

But nobody really honestly knows and keep pointing the finger at anxiety which honestly is hurting me more hearing that because if this is anxiety I truly don't want to be here anymore. Because I thought I was managing it quite well, I don't even feel safe alone because of this, it's quite terrifying and I wish there was better assistance.

I haven't been to a hospital only because I am unsure of what they would be able to do. 

Note: Everything I have been experiencing has persisted for 8 weeks. I know I am still here, although it feels asthough its getting worse and also this only occurred after a really massive panic i had. 

In all honesty I just don't know what to do. I'm only 25 years old. I have a MRI booked on the 19th so we'll see what happens. Should be interesting. From what I have read of similar cases that people have had there has been no answers from MRI scans. 

So yeah fml...

2 likes, 4 replies

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    Do you think pressing on ice cubes while repeating to yourself that you're safe would help? You may need to move to a place where you feel safer or even grab something else, as long as it's close to burning cold.

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  • Posted

    Maybe it is time to research anxiety and panic disorders. Dr. Google is not research is a horrible thing but researching anxiety and panic disorders might be usefull and enlighting for you. Hang in there believe me this will become manageable. Even thru your search of finding an illness you will eventually realize this can co exist. Get your mris or  mras, ct scans, see a doctor and a nuerologist and do complete bloodworks. All should be ruled out anyway. In the interim might very use to see a therpaist. You need to be able to vent all this out in a proper enviornment and they mught be able to teach you some very useful tricks and skills to help this along. Hang in there they are researching into all this to figure it out. Its just complicated the way the mind and body work. And why the fight or flight response is in high gear. A lot of technology is new they need to understand what they are even looking at.
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    • Posted

      Im going to let you in in a secret. Many people have to live with chronic ailments... Scientifically prooven based ones..and they cause intense anxiety and in the end.. in the end ..we end uo with the same anxiety levels. So with or without diagnised illness the anxiety has to be managed, this will eventually teach you skills you didnt know were imaginable. You will learn just how strong the mind is and how powerful it is that You can over ride the body sensations to get thru most anything. You are so new to all this. So new so hang in there. Ending it is not the answer or the cure and jeez no one  even knows  the consequences of something like that. Hang in there. And lastly new ideas and cures pop up on a dime, science with the current technology is very new.
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  • Posted

    If the pros you are seeing cannot or will not help you, then you should go to a hospital E/R. If necessary they will admit you for hospitalization until they find the problem by doctors that specialize in your condition and alleviate it.
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