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Things have gone really downhill for me lately.
I'm feeling fat again. I want to stop eating, stop pigging out, get thin again.
I don't belong at this university. Not a good one like this. Maybe not any university. I've been in tears so much lately, I can't handle this, I'm seriously considering dropping out again - for good this time, no coming back.
I'm turning to alcohol as a coping mechanism. I'm craving cigarettes - even though I've never been a smoker, I feel they'd really help if I smoked them, but I don't want to become a smoker. How stupid is this?
I'm especially craving illegal drugs. To help me cope.
And, as much as cit made me feel like a crazy person, because I was on medication to stay sane, to be like everyone else is without meds... And as much as I began to hate myself for having to take them... I'm really thinking I need to go back on them now.
I don't know what to do.
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