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I know I am depressed but I don’t know what to do. I am 14 and my dad gives me around 80 dollars allowance a month, I know I should be grateful but i feel like it’s not enough. I don’t want to ask for more because I don’t want to look like a brat and I feel that maybe this is all he can give me and if I asked him for more he may be put in an awkward position and wouldn’t want to hurt me by saying he can’t. He buys me the necessities like clothes and undergarments but if I wanted a new phone or a new case or jewelry or anything extra I would have to save up and get it with my allowance. Another thing is I’m in a private school which I know I should be grateful for too but it’s just too much stress and I tried telling someone close to me that but they took it as a joke and said “ur still 14 wait till ur older and see the real stress” which worries me Evan more we have 2 quizzes each week and finals are in a month and the teachers give us tons of homework. I had to quit my hobbies only to have more time to study and with all that my marks are not the best ( there not entirely bad either ). Sometimes I would just go to the washroom and cry my eyes out than wash my face and exit like nothing happened and I just feel like I don’t have a personality and I always have suicidal thoughts but I fight so hard to not think that way and I just keep telling myself it’ll all be over soon. Around school, I’m pretty popular but I smile to hide my depression. The point that made me think “I may be depressed” was when my older sister traveled to study university in a different country and I didn’t cry nor feel sad although that’s normal when loved ones travel far away honestly I feel like I have no emotions at all, I do cry a lot but I don’t know why or for what I can’t see a therapist because I don’t want to tell my parents and I don’t want medication either so if there’s any other way,I would do anything!
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