I’m depressed and I don’t know what to do

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I know I am depressed but I don’t know what to do. I am 14 and my dad gives me  around 80 dollars allowance a month, I know I should be grateful but i feel like it’s not enough. I don’t want to ask for more because I don’t want to look like a brat and I feel that maybe this is all he can give me and if I asked him for more he may be put in an awkward position and wouldn’t want to hurt me by saying he can’t. He buys me the necessities like clothes and undergarments but if I wanted a new phone or a new case or jewelry or anything extra I would have to save up and get it with my allowance. Another thing is I’m in a private school which I know I should be grateful for too but it’s just too much stress and I tried telling someone close to me that but they took it as a joke and said “ur still 14 wait till ur older and see the real stress” which worries me Evan more we have 2 quizzes each week and finals are in a month and the teachers give us tons of homework. I had to quit my hobbies only to have more time to study and with all that my marks are not the best ( there not entirely bad either ). Sometimes I would just go to the washroom and cry my eyes out than wash my face and exit like nothing happened and I just feel like I don’t have a personality and I always have suicidal thoughts but I fight so hard to not think that way and I just keep telling myself it’ll all be over soon. Around school, I’m pretty popular but I smile to hide my depression. The point that made me think “I may be depressed” was when my older sister traveled to study university in a different country and I didn’t cry nor feel sad although that’s normal when loved ones travel far away honestly I feel like I have no emotions at all, I do cry a lot but I don’t know why or for what I can’t see a therapist because I don’t want to tell my parents and I don’t want medication either so if there’s any other way,I would do anything!

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  • Posted

    Hello Jessica so glad that you wrote in today and I hear your pain. I remember well being your age and it was very hard my feelings were all over the place. I think it's very considerate of you to think about how your dad would feel if he had to tell you no if you asked for more money. 

    Jessica are you sure that you can't tell your parents how you feel? I have a daughter and she went through some emotional times at about 14 and 15 and we talked all the time about it and she cried and I held her. Will you think about that?

    There's only 2 ways to treat depression meds and therapy and one other in your case. Maybe confide in your parents. I believe you will get better! Keep writing and let us know how you are. Promise?? Diane. 

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    • Posted

      thank you so much for ur opinion. I am not really close with my parents and I don’t really feel comfortable talking to my mom about this but I decided to follow someone else’s advice and enjoy my life so I try to go out with my friends every other week and have fun and do things I enjoy 😊 I’m getting better and hopefully I stay happy 😊 

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  • Posted

    Hi Jessica.  I'm so sorry to hear you are going through with all of this.  14 is a hard age.  Something to consider is that it could be hormonal.  Just keep that in mind in case it makes you feel any better.  Some things you can try are cutting out processed foods, sugar and caffeine and make sure you get to sleep before 10.  Sleep is a huge deal.  Hopefully, some of that can help.  Don't worry about your grades so much.  Be good to yourself.  Your health is more important!

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  • Posted

    You are only 14 - it is a difficult time, hormonal changes & all the other "joys" of puberty - things can seem overwhelming at times but it will get better. wink It is great you fight those dark thoughts off - I know that can take a lot of strength as well & you can be proud of yourself for having that strength. You seem like a sweet girl taking your father in consideration so much & appreciating the things you can be grateful for...even though you are going through a difficult time at the moment.

    I guess you understand the concept of pocket money though - it is so you learn to value real money & learn to manage it wisely. So, of course, you have to save up for bigger investments & there is always Christmas & Birthdays for more expensive things. To be honest, 80 Dollars is a pretty good amount for your age - I didn't get anywhere near that much.

    Yes, when you are older you will encounter different sorts of stress & things may be more stressful than at the moment & you will look back & miss those times at school - but let me tell you, as you get older you also learn to cope with stress better, so it is not that bad - don't worry too much about it, it will be fine. wink

    Don't let people tell you that therapy & medications are the only ways to beat depression - that is not true, you can do a lot to help yourself & as I said before the way you feel is not unnormal for your age at all, many people feel like that - you will get through it. Try to talk to someone - a friend or your parents if things get too much, someone you can trust..sometimes not going through everything alone can be a blessing already. And, honestly - I don't think one neccessarily needs to cry or feel sad when someone close leaves to follow their dreams & make the best out of their lives, that is a positive thing after all & she will come back. wink

    What strikes me about your post is that you seem to put too much pressure on yourself & that your work(school)-life balance is off, which naturally makes one feel stressed & depressed. You need times to recover, relax & do something you enjoy as well - only studying all day & then getting not too great marks either surely can't make you happy. Also, they say breaks are important & help "digest" the things one learned better - your brain needs time to process the information & if you only dump more on it I guess that maybe also hinders your learning success. Try to put a bit time during your day aside for something you enjoy (half an hour or so should be possible) & see how that affects you. Maybe sure you get enough sleep & eat healthy as well. Get some balance back - I would imagine that might help a great deal already. I wish you good luck. smile

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