I'm depressed help me :(((((

Posted , 6 users are following.

I'm depressed for 4 months about my health now sad

It's started when my mum talked about hiv and that's freaking me out. And not so long after my mum talked about that, my friend want to borrow my shoes and scared if she gives me hiv because she is sexually active, and i searched in google dress, shoes can not transmit hiv so i lend her my shoes. And not so long, a homeless bitten me not break but i have wound from cat scratch around 3-4cm from that bite, when i saw that bite not break and sure no blood but im still scared. Actually i feel bad think he has hiv but i can not control my mind . After 1 week that happened i got rash untill the rash still in my body , and i searched in google my rash is pityriasis rosea and yes, im not go to doctor though. After 4/5 weeks i got mild fever and sore throat for 2 days. After around 6 weeks i got lymph nodes in my right armpit painful last about 3 days and after a week i got lymph nodes again in the same place last about 3 days also. And i also got chest pain, shorthness of breath, back pain, muscle and joint pain, heart palpitations, nausea and vomit, blurred vision sad im so scared im goohling the symptoms everyday. Its makes me cry alot, i can not control my mind, im scared i will spread ilness to my parents, brothers and sister i dont want i love them so much, i dont know i have hiv or nah but im scared. I pray alot more than usual, wasing mybhand alot , scared of sharp object, i scared when my parents, brothers and sister touch me because i dont want they are sick, i wash my underwear anlot because scared if the virus in there, scared if my family wash my clothes or bed linens, scarred go tonthe kitchen i usually love going to kitchen, scared to touch my basketball because my dad and my brothers and his friends play with that ball too, scared and my thoughts always paly they are using my toothbrush but we have our toothbrushes, scared if they are sleep in my bed, scared if my mum using my make up, like im scaredb of everything,. And actually last yrar i found lump in my breast and im wprried but noy really worried like my thoughts about hiv, and i be brave tontell to my parents i scrred if i have hiv anf thry are say its not easybto catch but i have almost the symptoms and in dec i go to doctor to telll sbout my lump in breast and he want me to surgery but i dont want because theynonly check by hand but im not really worry about my breast, im worry about hiv. Actually i want to tell about my symptoms but he was not friendly so yeah i donttell him. And before my obsession about hiv, i have really bad thoughts my parents will die i have this since i was young, but this thought come and go, and August last year im depressed because im not accepted in my dream University, and before that i so depressed about my looks even though people always complements me i never feel that way. Many times i want to die but i think again life is worth living and i dont want end up stupid. But this thought about hiv really kill me, i still laughing but deep inside im scared, i always acted everyone have hiv, this toilet maight have hiv, insually love playong with kids they are homeless but now im so scared, im scared to touch object except my home or not danger things, my dreams is work in unicef but now im scared if that risk work in there are big. Should i have hiv test? Or no? Or i need go to psychology ? I cant vontrol my minfd, i cant enjoy life, crying a lot, washing hand a lot usually im not really like this.

Im sacred help me please..

Sorry for my bad englisht

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  • Posted

    hi, sorry to see ur expieriencing a lot, chances r slim you have HIV,

    many years ago, i went thru something similiar, i had recently got with this girl, an during our time together she let known she had many sexual partners from a young age,

    as time went on, i was feeling very weak, could'nt get up in the morning, an went thru a lot you have described,

    I went to my doctors, an i was crying, and found it hard to tell him i think  i have contracted aids or sumfin,

    now in fairness this girl had documents to a recent date at the time, that said she was hiv negative ( for some reason i found this hard to believe )

    i noticed he found it hard to keep a straight face, of course i was like ????

    he asked how long had i been feeling this way. i mentioned a few months, he asked how long i had been with this girl, i mentioned a few months,

    he then said, you dont have HIV, an he diagnosed me with depression,  i didnt understand what depression was, i thought i was always happy n joking all the time,

    as years go by, turns out all was a mask, an i suffer from depression in a bad way, am currently on  a 12 month healing program through my GP, and am hoping to come through the other end, maybe with purpose and hope,

    defo goto ur GP mention all you have in ur post, n take things from there, make an appoinment for asap,

    all the best

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    • Posted

      Thank you so much for replying

      I dont uunderstand what does my chance are slim? I havebhiv or not? Sorrry, My english is not really well.

      So you havebsome symptoms like me also?

      Areyouu ever did hiv test?

      I aactually think g to GP . My hand shaking when replyingbthis sad

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    • Posted

      hi, no worries bout ur english, my grammer n spellin not the best either lol

      with regards to chances being slim, its not likely that you do have HIV,

      i have a fainted memory, of going to a clinic out of town n annomoysly  submitted a blood test, and it came back negative ( 14yrs ago maybe )

      i can understand ur nervous an ur hands r shaking, go see ur GP soon as you can,

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  • Posted

    with regards to smiliar symptoms, i'm going with confusion, unsure where u stand, wanting to die, struggling to find hope etc,

    it seams you have a good family support, maybe confide in one, course most of the symptoms u mention are genrally female related, n course i not suffered from them lol,

    go back to ur doctor, if u dont feel comfortable with him, kindly ask for a second opinion, or ask at recepetion for a diffrent doctor,

    if u can take a member of family u have confided in with you smile

    wishing u the best, hope it blows over, n u can see hope and enjoy life smile

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    • Posted

      Yeah i have a good family and best friend support.. but im too scared if i feel sick to tell to my parents because i dont want to break their heart. And my brothers always concern about my health but i dontbwant to tell him also. My best friend i can not tell her because she also scared about her health and i font want make her worry. But first person who know when i found lump in my breast its she and she really freak out and want me to go to hospital, so thats why i dont wanna tell her .

      I wish this just my anxiety symptoms ..

      Yes maybe i will try different doctor

      I always go to doctor with my parents, but this time i want to go by myself because i dont want them see me cry

      Thanks so much smile and i wishing you the best also smile

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  • Posted

    Hi this sounds like health anxiety to me though I am no doctor.   Can you talk to your parents about it?   You sound very young - are you still at school?  If so there must be a school counsellor so go and talk to them.    I think the chances of you having any physical illness like this is very unlikely,  but you do need to talk to someone about it.   x

     

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    • Posted

      I already talked to my parents, im scared if i have hiv. And looking my parents thatbtime i know thats really break their heart. Already wentbto doctor but he was not really friendly so i dont want to talk with him. Im so scared, waking up just thinking about it every time.

      Im 19 almost 20, im at University now.

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  • Posted

    Hi ♥

    bless you, this must all be very scary for you.

    I am not a doctor, but reading through your post, I think you may be suffering from extreme anxiety / depression and maybe OCD. This will make your every waking thoughts magnified and distorted. In turn the more you think (and google symptoms) reality will become more distorted. (We could imagine we got every illness! as 1 symptom could give us numerous possible illnesses! ) all the time you spend thinking and worrying about having various illnesses is taking valuable time from you living and enjoying the precious gift of life. I have known several people diagnosed with HIV, one friendship spans over ten years. I am still here and so are they! ! You may be fearful of HIV in the same way I may fear cancer, others may fear dementia etc. It's important to recognise these are fears and not reality. You will not contract HIV by sharing friendships with people who are diagnosed with this condition. It's not airborne...same way cancers are not airborne, which means they are not catching. And all the time you spend avoiding people you are losing out on wonderful friendships. ♥

    Do you have a good relationship with your doctor? Could you may be try discussing your fears? You sound a very caring person, it's now time to make caring for yourself a priority. ..get yourself to the doctors and be truthful with him/her in how you are feeling.

    We have only one life here on earth. My thoughts are you need to live, learn, love everyone unconditionally regardless of their illness, race etc and try and be the best you can be! I believe you have all these qualities but you just need a little help in making you see things clearer. So off to the doctors, as you need to be well so you can reach your full potential and who knows, you may become a head spokesman and leader of unicef!

    God bless you ♥

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    • Posted

      Since long time im really easy got sick actually. I have asthma, maag, and some other illnesses.

      But this is really makes me scared sad

      I always thought before i want to be a friend with anyone, i dont care what their race, poor or rich, sick or nah? But now im so scared to reach my dream working in unicef, i dont know what to do :'(

      Im not go to doctor agaim because he was notbreally friendly but i try to find new doctor.

      Thank you so muchbfor replying

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    • Posted

      Hi ♥

      I am glad you are going to try and find a better doctor. Please don't give up on this idea. The right doctor will be able to help you find the right path to lose your fears. It's not good for your long term health to be constantly worrying. Stress can make a person very unwell. Please try and find a new doctor.

      In the meantime. ..We are always here for you

      god bless x

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  • Posted

    I understand your fears and anxiety about this.   Your rational side is telling you the truth while your emotions, which I call my "10 tonne Wooly Mammoth", is still afraid. This animal acts on a combination of fear and instinct, not by reason.   You know you don't have HIV but your this 10 tonne animal keeps shaking in fear of getting HIV and dragging you around with it.  In one way or another this happens to most people, but it will manifest in different behaviour.   It is far worse if you have clinical depression and symptoms from it.  I would go the doctor to get tested for STDs and other possible diseases that can cause your symptoms to erase any reasonable doubt about physical health, and a psychiatrist to deal the your Wooly Mammoth.
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