I'm destroying my marriage!

Posted , 15 users are following.

So, last year I almost wrecked my marriage to my lovely, kind, thoughtful husband by being absolutely and uncontrollably vile to him as my peri symptoms got worse and worse. Thankfully he was really supportive and stuck by me. I was put on HRT back in October last year (and had the level increased in March this year) which really seemed to help, but just recently it has started again.

I am just filled with such a sense of self-loathing and lack of control over my own mind and body that I am behaving totally irrationally towards him - to the point I have made him cry twice in the past few weeks (and he's not someone who cries easily).

I hate the fact I am putting on weight despite eating very little. I hate the fact I can't exercise because of having a major and prolonged relapse of my ME. I hate the fact I am turning into a hairy beast - literally!!!!! I hate the fact I am too tired to do any of the fun stuff in life. I hate the fact I get anxious about EVERYTHING - even the stupid stuff. I hate the fact I can't eat anything except the most bland boring food because anything else upsets my stomach. I hate the fact that I am unable to keep a friendship and seem to drive everyone away, even my own sister. I hate the fact that every single day seems difficult.

And I hate the fact I'm letting all this impact so much on my life and that of my poor husband when I know that there are so many people out there who are worse off than me.

I don't want to destroy my marriage ... but have no idea what to do.

1 like, 14 replies

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14 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Kip sorry that you are feeling so bad about your self i know how hard it is going through menopause myself I say things to my husband which can be very hurtful sometimes and i am lucky that he is understanding . Have you thought about doing some counceling as this can help having someone to talk to about how you feel I have been to counciling in the past and it has helped me get my confidence back . Maybe go back to your doctor who could refer you ,

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    • Posted

      Thanks for your response.

      I've not had good experiences with counselling in the past, and unfortunately the doctor I am currently seeing while my normal one is on maternity leave isn't exactly sympathetic - she's more of a 'just get on with it' type.

      I really want to talk to my mum about all this, but she passed away 10 years ago so I really feel like I've got no-one to talk to about this, hence using this forum as a sounding board.

      I'm not really expecting any solutions to this to be honest, just felt this one the one place where other people might understand how I'm feeling.

      Perhaps I do need to look at counselling again, if only to stop hurting my husband.

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  • Posted

    Amen to all.

    It's an awful time in life indeed.

    I'm spending time repairing some of the relationships that I lost when I was so sick. When I have some good days I make sure to make it up to my husband.

    We are lucky our husbands understand and love us enough to stick around. One time I said "no wonder husbands leave, it's not their mid life crisis it's our health issues", but I got slammed for saying that. But honestly, I wouldn't blame my husband. But then he turns it around and asks if I would leave him if he were having a rough time. And of course I would not.

    Did the hormones help the ME calm down? I've been trying celery juice, which is supposed to be a cure all, but that nasty juice goes right through me like a colonoscopy cleanse.

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    • Posted

      They helped a bit as they reduced the menopausal fatigue, but after 26 years I've given up hope of getting rid of my ME. I can manage it most of the time, but the last 18 months have been pretty grim.

      Thanks for taking the time to read and reply x

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  • Posted

    Although i can do nothing to help you i just wanted to reply because your post made me cry and i can't get your post out my mind. im so sorry your moods so low and i agree with what the other ladies have replied to you, perhaps see a counciler and tell them exactly how your feeling. i am having all the other horrendous symptoms of menopause but i must say im ok mood wise, i do get irritated easily but im obviously good at controlling it as i just mutter to myself or im good at slamming doors. keep fighting through this and you'll be ok your husbands a good man who will be finding this change in you as hard as you are so give him a hug it will mean a lot.

    i do hope you go and see your doctor and get some life back, keep in touch with us all.

    sending you a comforting hug x

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  • Posted

    I wish I had some grand wisdom, but I just recently entered perimenopause and it's essentially torture. But, I just wanted to mention that I am 43 and single. Trust me, it is way more difficult to do this alone. If your husband is a good man, do what ever you can to keep him.

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  • Posted

    Klp77,

    You don't say your age or if you are in menopause or not. So many things change for women at this time in life and most of us have not been prepared or told about it. First thing, what kind of HRT are you on? If it is synthetic it can cause more problems than good because your body just isn't made to know what to do with synthetic hormones. Bio Identical hormones are well used in the body and our bodies know what to do with them. You mention hair growing among other issues. This is part of this fun process for women too. Seems the hair on our head wants to fall out and hair where we don't want it like our face starts popping out. Bad deal! There is fine tuning in hormone replacement along with certain supplements that can balance these bad issues from happening. I switched to a holistic dr that had previously been a MD for 22 years. Best decision I made. Labs need to be ran to give you what your body needs. Supplements play a huge roll along with this. I am over three years post menopause and have been on bio identical creams consisting of estrodial, estriol, testosterone and progesterone. I recently had pellets inserted so I don't have to rub creams on daily. Minor sacrifice to feel good though. Do not underestimate the addition of testosterone in your hormone treatment. It can make a big difference in your happiness and well being along with your sexual life which is very important to maintain in a relationship if both parties are healthy. As far as the weight gain, this is hard for women as we go into menopause. I found the same thing. I thought I was eating well and on the treadmill 5 days a week. Not losing a pound! It wasn't until I started watching my carb intake that I lost weight. Anything with a bar code in a box or can is loaded with carbs. Have you heard of shopping the outside aisles of a grocery store and avoiding the inside aisles? Thats where the bad stuff is. I can relate to you irritation with your husband. I can remember listening to every word by husband said and jumping on him for how he stated certain things. We become very insecure indeed! Believe me I am a changed woman on BHRT and will stay on them the rest of my life with guidance of good lab work through my doctor. My husband is also on testosterone pellets because mens hormones take a nose dive too and they need it for their health and happiness as well. Good luck.

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    • Posted

      Hi, thanks for such a detailed response.

      I'm 45 years old and started with peri symptoms at 39, but they weren't really a problem until 18 months ago when they suddenly became unbearable. I'm on Elleste Solo 2mg combined with the Mirena coil, and have no idea if I'm in full menopause or not as the Mirena stopped me having periods 10 years ago.

      I'm actually sat here looking at holistic treatments at the moment. I think I need to look around my local area and see if there's anyone who specialises in the menopause ... I'm at the stage where I'll try anything!!!!

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    • Posted

      Mirena coil has awful side effects. I got mine removed. Would not recommend it. Went back to my copper coil- at the time when I had periods the copper coil mgave me heavier periods but at least I felt like me. It made me feel a kind of vague, listless nothingness

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  • Posted

    General doctors just don't have the time or training to deal with these women issues. They get very little training in med school and few seek out furthering their knowledge because they just don't have the time with their daily patient schedules. A holistic or alternative doctor will typically have studied more in depth the issues facing women as we age and what happens to our bodies. They will typically take the time to hear you and listen where as many general docs file you through their system and move you along without really dealing with all the issues you face. Hormone replacement is not a one size fits all and getting the right doc can mean the difference between success or failure for you. Its worth the time and money to find a good one to give you the best chance at a healthy happy long life ahead.

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  • Posted

    Hi when i read your message i thought i had written it as it sounded just like me. My marriage is not great, i have put on 2 stone, hate myself, my confidence has gone, anxiety is out of the window and my moods are up and down i just dont know who i am anymore.

    sending lots of love xxxxxxxx

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