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I'm done

Posted , 7 users are following.

mari34228
mari34228

I had 5 things to live for. My two children. My two pets. A friend. Now I'm down to four. The friend is gone. He was probably the most important in terms of giving me something to live for. The children will grow up and make their own lives. I have no future. And don't tell me I do. I don't. My health is very poor. I have no-one to care for me. I can't work. I can't socialise. I have no life. But I'm stuck. I don't want to leave my children. I don't want to destroy their lives. I don't even want to leave the pets as what would happen to them? I feel guilty. It's not even that I can't do this anymore. I don't want to. It's finally happened that I just don't want to. Like I said, I'm done. Just done.

3 likes, 7 replies

7 Replies

  • bukola41891
    bukola41891 mari34228

    Posted

    Please the four other reasons remaining are still worth living for, especially the children. Apart from this, you do have a future. Turn to God, he has a plan for you. All the best
  • mike09523
    mike09523 mari34228

    Posted

    Hi mari,

    I have been there, like you I tried to figure out why I am here, what importance could I possibly have in this world. My wife is my reason to wake each day and feel needed, appreciated.

    You say you have lost your main reason, yet you have children-they should be your main focus now and hopefully you may be blessed with grandchildren. If not then count not what you could have had, or done, with your life, but what you have achieved so far and will in the future, just because our children get older doesn't mean we are less worthwhile.

    Best wishes,

    Mike.

    • ann55375
      ann55375 mike09523

      Posted

      I am at a point where the anti deps havent worked, several,over three years and i dont know what to,do.  I have great hubby and children and grandchildren, I just cant get myself better from this anxiety and depression.  How did you manage to get out of this ?
  • kittyb76
    kittyb76 mari34228

    Posted

    Hi Mari,

    I don't often reply but felt I needed to.

    I like you, felt and feel as you do very often. I have a condition that drives me crazy , my emotions all over the place. Only last week I posted a similar post to yours. My children , my husband and my pets ironically gave me clarity and today although I feel lost still, I feel better.

    You are important. You have a reason to be here and your children love you. You are poorly and life is hard, I understand that totally. You think what is the point, why am I here, what purpose do I have! It's terrible thinking these thoughts as ultimately we must be here for a reason surely?

    Last week, I wanted to end it all , life became so intense for me that I thought just as you did then felt guilty. I don't receive a great deal of support from my

    Mental health team as no drugs can assist with my condition only therapy, so I have decided to use my mind to kick this nasty condition in to line. It's hard, my head tells me not to do it, but try and take your mind elsewhere and think nothing.

    Alan Watts YouTube videos are wonderful , please look at some. There are also some mediations that are wonderful. There is a short video about overthinking and trying to clear your mind. If you can do this, please try.

    You are important , you are wanted and loved. Right now you just don't feel or see it as your darkness has won but fight it, you can.

    Please keep in touch 

    Best wishes x

    • ann55375
      ann55375 kittyb76

      Posted

      I found your writing so succinct and just what i need to hear.  It is so,hard though to try to get through the anxiety every day, like wading through treacle.  The medications they have tried havent helped me except for,sleep, but imwake each day just as anxious as the one before.  I spent three hours during night trying to,listen to mindfulness meditation and other calming messages but still cannot shakemthis.

      did you ever take any medicarion or are you able ro help,yourself, i just cant seem to get into the right mindset.  Trying and almost off antidep,they havent helped me, just using diazepam for anxiety as cant get rid of it.  So hard to do anything, see friends, etc. During this horrid illness

      .

    • kittyb76
      kittyb76 ann55375

      Posted

      Treacle is a great way to put it. It's so hard x

      I have three beautiful children and a lovely husband so sometimes wonder why I feel so hopeless.

      I take diazapem for my anxiety as sometimes it's far too much to deal with and diazepam ironically allows me to do the simplest of tasks such as tidying up!!

      I have been on antidepressants but recently came off as I felt they were making things worse. I've also tried mood stabilisers but the side affects were brutal.

      I used to meditate twice a day everyday without fail, then I got poorly and my illness took over , it stopped me from healing my mind. So I'm going to fight it, it's the only way , I may also try going out to a group maybe if I'm not too anxious.

      But even if you spend 5 minutes being mindful, it's 5 minutes of quiet smile

      I  just going to try and try and try as my babies need me, my husband needs me as he is very poorly and I have to look at things differently. Yes I'm ill, yes my husbands I'll too, but we manage , we live in a beautiful area , the house maybe small but I have a forest at my doorstep, I have a big garden with chickens and I keep bees. I need to think of the positivity behind these things and fight my mind basically. I hope you can do this too and Mari , we are special otherwise we wouldn't be here!

      Please look at Alan watts on you tube , just his voice helps, he is wonderful and also has many books if reading is easier x

    • ann55375
      ann55375 kittyb76

      Posted

      Thank you for your lovely reply.

      i wish i could get up the courage to go to a class of any kind, i used to do yoga but cant make it into rooms full of people just now.

      i know positivity is the key, but where does it come from and how do I get it.  Stumbling through the last of this anti dep has pulled me right down, i am almost at the end but the side effects are brutal.  I really dont want any more but psych will try to put me on some i bet.   Four years ago I was in Florence on holiday with my family, whats gone wrong? I just dont know but i think these meds have made me worse.

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