I'm fighting a losing battle with depression

Posted , 6 users are following.

I'm 22 years old, I have the greatest family that provided a lot of love in the past. I don't have many friends cause I been used so many times I don't trust anyone and have been screwed over by great friends that I considered family.

I still feel useless through my entire life at a young age my father mentally abused me for so long that feeling useless and a disappointment is all I'm good at in life.

I already tried committing suicide 2 times but was saved at the last nic of time. I don't know what to do I feel lost alone and been having to fight depression for my entire life and I'm on the verge of giving up again. I know I'm going to be alone in life I know I won't have a family it's something I knew that was never going to happen.

No one can ever answer this question I've been asking though.. what is the whole point of life.

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7 Replies

  • Posted

    All of us feel helpless and hopeless. But you really cannot be sure that you will never have a family. No one can tell the future. You have a loving family now as you said. Take their support. You have to put the bad things that happened in your past out of your mind. Dont dwell on the past. Think about the future. Study something you like and plan your future. Go out and you will find good friends. Please do not try to take your life. It is the cowardly way out. I also feel sometimes that life has become pointless. But then i think of my family. I cannot do anything to hurt them or scar them for life. As you learn to face your problems you will become stronger mentally. Go and see a good therapist and talk. They will help you.
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  • Posted

    Hi TJ72. I'm in my 40's now and have struggled with a lot of those thoughts and feelings in my mind every day due to, yes, the trust and the self esteem being undermined beginning, like you, at a very young age. One thing I've come to learn is the future isn't written, so, to me, every day is a new day to attack these inner demons we wrestle with on a daily basis. Determination, persistence, accepting ours and others imperfections [or at least trying to - we all have them], getting back on that horse, and just always coming back to taking it easier on oneself through compassion, is, I believe, helping me face each day. Life is a challenge see, everybody has different challenges, and our ones, like a lot of peoples, are challenges of the mind, the emotions, and that's actually huge. Suicide is not a 'cowards way out' as some people tend to believe, I know people who took their own lives and they were very loving and caring people who faced each day, like you, with courage and hope and determination. So, what is the point of this life? Yes. For me, it's to grow, and I do believe that in a spiritual sense. I just wanted to share my thoughts with you and for you to know you're not alone in the world with all this. Keep reaching out and keep finding the love in your heart because I believe it's the whole reason we're here. Stay strong. Peace and love. 

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  • Posted

    Hi TJ72 - sorry to read of your dilemma. I, too, had an abusive childhood and it burdened me for decades. I'm in my fifties now and have come to accept that I will never have a family unit to lean on. Some people think this is sad but i have learned to embrace it. I was always arty so I can escape into that and have achieved many things in life. I never feel lonely even though I am, essentially, alone. Suicidal ideation was sometimes at the forefront of my mind when i was younger. At this age I can say i am glad I never followed through. My view on the point of life is self awareness, learning through adversity, becoming self sufficient, understanding that life is a challenge and a school, and that, no matter how bad or low it gets, in the end everything will be alright. Another challenge is to exercise compassion to all living things even as you are burdened by your own pain. Selflessness and strength. It's difficult, but nothing worth anything is ever easy. 

    Having said that (and there's so much more) there is no need for you to suffer in todays advanced world of medicine and psychotherapy. Have you had counselling where you can dig down inside and bring to the light the past events that are affecting you today? Burying pain leaves it to fester. It must be brought out, examined, understood and then forgiven/discarded. 

    You are not useless and suicide is not an escape. Neither are you alone. There are many at this site who can absolutely empathise with your situation. Don't give up. See if you can wrangle a support structire of a good doc and a therapist/counsellor or psychologist. Suicide is definitely not an option if you have not explored every single path of understanding/help/recovery that is open to you. 

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  • Posted

    All i can say @ the mo in my frame of mind is if whowever has the answer to that question astra-zeneka wld make them richer than thir wildest dreams x
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  • Posted

    I'm 24 years old and attempted suicide twice I ask myself the same thing. "What is the whole point of Life? We all have a purpose. The whole point of being here is so you can be with your Family. To enjoy this Life to be happy. To make a family if you want one in the Future. smile To go out and do things you enjoy. I don't really have a answer but I do know one thing. Do you feel that heartbeat?? That's called Purpose. You are here for a reason. Don't Give up. Hold on it will get better. Suicide will not end the pain it will just pass it to someone else. Your Family. Be strong for them. I'm sorry for your Father being that way sounds just like my dad he does the same thing to my brother and makes him feel low of himself. You are not a useless person and a disappointnent. You are worthy and deserve happiness. Don't be negative you will have a Family of your own. Youre young you have so much ahead of you. Enjoy the Present. Try to socialize and go out distract yourself and think positive. You will have a family of your own and you will be a better Father your dad was to your kids. You've tried twice doesn't that tell you something?? You are here for a reason the depression tells us lies. They are not the Truth. Get help from a therapist. Talk about the way you feel and give it time. Therapy helps. Not right away but after some time. You will start feeling better and with meds. You have to change that thinking pattern and don't listen to the negativity and change those thoughts with positive ones. Tell yourself positive Feedback. Ignore the bad thoughts and focus on you. Try to get better for you and your family. smile

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    • Posted

      Yes i agree with you Ashley. Suicide will only hurt your family. They will feel guilty that they failed you and then it will be their turn to feel guilty and depressed. It is a vicious circle. Life is precious and we have to accept what we get but we also can turn those things around if we put our minds to it.
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