I'm finding it hard to keep trying

Posted , 5 users are following.

I'm really struggling tonight, i've been crying for the last 2 hours. I'm finding it too much to keep trying so hard to be better. I have felt fine for a few weeks and i felt fine today, then suddenly tonight i don't know what has happened, i've fallen down again. I think i've just been trying to be positive and trick myself into thinking that i was getting better, i really did believe i'd seen the end of it.

I'm just so scared now that depression is going to be my life forever, i tried to let if not worry me me, and i thought i was fine with it, but i'm not and it scares me that i might never be the way i used to be.

I'm sorry to come on here and spill my problems, it has all just built up inside me.

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13 Replies

  • Posted

    Life. Is not linear and tidy as society make you think. Don't fight your moods, and don't think in terms of "forever" think in term of now only because tomorrow is always different. Life is a bit like a river it is never still. Think about it. The scariest thing is fear itself somebody said, but fear of what? What we imagine as real? Why don't you write down what scares you? Then check it out another day and see if it still scares you in theme way.
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  • Posted

    Thanks to this website deleting my post, i'll start again!

    I think you may be trying too hard itssofluffy. As Genziana says write down how you feel or better still, write a daily diary. This will get all your thoughts and emotions out of your head any on to paper.

    I, like you, had weeks of feeling fine, only to drop for no apparent reason. You will bounce back from this - it is the nature of depression but the longer you are on the drugs the more 'up' days you will get and these big swings in moods/emotions will become smaller ones.

    Rant away. There is no need to apologise. We have or are all going through the same experience. I hope later today (now) will see an improvement.

    Best wishes

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  • Posted

    Thankyou both for your messages.

    I had 12 hours sleep last night I don't even now how that happened. I feel more positive again today though, I think it was just a little thought I had that I ended up getting all worked up about. I still feel sorry come on here ranting, I hate moaning.

    Genziana you are right, this is what I always say to myself, I try not to think in terms of "forever", I just take it day by day. I guess I needed reminding of that though. You are right that I shouldn't be scared of something that is not real, they say aswell that fear is 'being afraid of something that may happen or may never happen in the future,' so why are we afraid of something that isn't real at that moment? It's true I think.

    Hi meganpooch, thankyou. I knew there would be times when I would feel low again, I just wasn't expecting it. After such a long time of feeling "well" it just came as a surprise to me, and the worries came spiralling again. I have slept on it though and I don't feel so bad about it today. I feel a bit silly now for getting so worked up.

    Best wishes to you both x

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  • Posted

    I know what you mean about feeling silly the day after. I've been contributing to this site for over 5 years and some of my posts made me cringe the next day but at the time it was scary. The best way of offloading is to put pinkies to keyboard and get those feelings out of your head. You did the right thing. I hated those feelings in the early days. Sneaky depression - like a cat jumping on a surprised mouse!

    The peaks and troughs will become less severe with time. Glad you are having a better day today...long may they last.

    Best wishes

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  • Posted

    Hi, glad you are feeling better as well. I have suffered for a long time with recurrent depression and I can always rely on my old friend the blues as Steve Earl sang. However I have to keep believing that it's not for ever and it usually goes away eventually. Still when its bad, it seems like I would expect to feel if I was grieving for someone close. I am going to try this mindfulness idea and Buddhist meditation to see if I can meditate my way out of bide vibes. Anyone else tried either of these?
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  • Posted

    Please do not ever think that hurting is going backwards. It is in fact the best way forward. Look at it as acknowledging that something has hurt you and allowing yourself to naturally react to it. Let yourself cry and expel and then carry on. Then if it happens again, which obviously it will, then accept it and once again pick yourself up and live. You see there is only so long this can go on. If you hold it inside then you will keep shocking yourself with your natural emotions and damaging yourself telling yourself you're weak. Rather allow yourself to sob and cry and accept you hurt...each and every time until it doesn't hurt quite so much. Accepting is coping x
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  • Posted

    Hi may

    Thankyou for your message. I think that is part of my problem, I don't like allowing myself to cry, but I do try to let it out now when I need to. I understand that holding it in doesn't help me but it's difficult to break that circle when I have lived life that way for so long. x

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  • Posted

    Hi Friends,

    How are we all,the weather here is awful pouring and gardens are so water logged not flooded though like some pore souls. Just a thought that I try and remember Yesterday is History Tomorrow is a Mystery that's why Today is a Gift and so it's the Present.Love to everybody.

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  • Posted

    Yes...how I do agree! Now I am dancing the tango Argentino in

    my sitting room and dream of the sun.

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  • Posted

    hi

    never posted before but feel desperate and cant speak openly to family or friends. I am 43 and have had awful recurring bouts of chronic depression since about 17. Been in hospital which wa truly awful when I was about 18 and on and off anti depressants since then. Constantly feel its a battle and so full of negativity and self hatred that I find it hard to shake it off. Cant find a reason for feeling so low - life is ok if a bit tedious but become very low very quickly. Have a good job bu now got in a mess financially as spend for no reason. hubby doesn't get the depression and feel I am ruining his life and it would be best if I just disappeared. keep thinking about how I could end all of this and not have to wake up feeling so bad and full of depair. please help I cant talk safely to anyone.

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  • Posted

    hi. you can dack your therapist or physchitrist. i done as he was so useless i self harmed .you could try mind . normal people dont understand crippling depression self harm. in a way wish i could cry but csnt because emotionally detached so i self harm. i just waiting to die. but your ate not alone in how u feel
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  • Posted

    you have nothing to apologise for. we live with with depression and always looking for answers and peace of mind. i take zopiclone to meke me sleep green tea heips to relax .poetry sumtimes a good book or various types of music. just know u are not alone ok.
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  • Posted

    I don't know what else i can do to get help. I have been feeling really so desperately low for days now. I felt so scared of myself yesterday that i walked 50 minutes to A and E. I have been feeling that i can't carry on living like this. I told them that i couldn't take any more of it and that i was tired of trying, i had told them that i wanted to take all of my tablets. They didn't do anything to help me, they xhecked me over, mqde sure i hadn't taken anything and then someone from mental health team came to talk to me. She made me feel like it was my fault and said if i didn't do anything to try to get better then i wasn't going to, but does she not understand that that was why i was ther because i was tired of trying and couldn't take it anymore, and i was scared of hurting myself. They know i have hurt myself before aswell. They just said there wasn't anything else they could really do and said i was free to leave. I was desperate for them to help me. I don't know what else i can do to get help when i am suicidal.
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