I'm freaking out!

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As per my last post I am not actually sure if I do have an eating disorder although I accept that my thought patterns are worrying.

I spoke to my GP on the phone a few days before Christmas and she is going to have a more in depth discussion with me face to face at my January 6th appointment.

Anyway here is my worrying thought pattern, on Christmas morning it was 6 days since I had recorded my weight, it was 7 stone 7 1/2.

I didn't binge on the day but I ate more than usual, about 2000 I think but I did not weigh out my food portions that day because I wanted to be relaxed about food for one day.

Usually I limit to 1300 per day, I am only 156cm and still have a 19.5 BMI, I am not very active due to anxiety disorder so don't burn an awful lot either.

Today it is 7 stone 8, okay my doctor told me not to go lower than 7 stone 12 so I know it's fine but I wanted to do it slowly for my own sanity.

I want to see what the extra calories at Christmas will do and then aim to add 0.5 pounds per week until I get to 7 stone 12 as advised by the doctor.

But I am scared, despite only eating around the 1300 mark for the past 3 days I already gained half a pound, what if it keeps piling on fast?

I was going to wait until Jan 1st, one week clear of Christmas and then increase my calories but now I am too scared to in case it's already out of control, I am trying so hard not to weight myself again until Friday now but I'm scared that when I do I am going to see a huge gain.

I am feeling like I want to cut to 1000 calories to stop the gain but I know that would be bad and unhealthy.

Please help me, why did I gain 0.5 pounds so fast and is it just going to keep piling on now even if I eat the same as I was before Christmas day?

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    Sorry if i'm not making much sense, I meant to say that I have not yet increased my calories in order to gain, now I'm too scared to because ofthat 0.5 pounds.
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  • Posted

    Hiya.

    I think I remember replying to you before.

    Its great that you've been to your GP and listened to their advice. Well done.

    You are doing the right thing gaining weight because being healthy is being in your healthy weight range as I mentioned before which for a caucasian person is between 20-25.

    You mentioned you are freaking out about weight gain. If you are struggling with an eating disorder that is only natural. It's part of the process and one of the things that comes with recovery.

    Try and keep a food and mood diary as you can refer back to it.

    Eventually your weight will settle at its genetic size which will involve natural fluctuations over a monthly period. Until that point you will experience weight gain which is sporadic. It won't get out of hand because your body won't let it (unless you aren't eating in a balanced way).

    I noticed you were eating 1300 calories. Even if you don't do much during the day you require more than this to enable your organs to function appropriately. Only 15% of your energy requirements are made up from calories effectively you control such as activity. Being nutrition deficient opens you up to being out of control too, like bingeing so you will also have the potential to gain more weight rather than have more control if you were eating in a more regulated way. (Trust me, I've had a lot of treatment and all my dietitians have been right.)

    What I would say to counter that is that yes you can gain weight on 1300 calories if you were eating less than that before, but it won't be sustained so you will soon need to increase this. Try to set yourself a window rather than a limit because otherwise you become set on the target and almost always go for under. E.g. can you aim for in between 1300-1500?

    Weighing yourself regularly doesn't achieve much as there will always be fluctuations. (I work in kgs) but over a month it will be between 1-3kg. Therefore one day you might be up and another down a bit. Try and stick to weighing yourself fortnightly if you can and weekly at the most.

    Finally delaying change never works. It's the new years resolution analogy that always fails. Think how many good intended resolutions go wrong. People postpone whereas actually you can start right now. Things will go wrong, but that doesn't mean you give up. You start again at the next meal. (Another reason to record thoughts in a mood diary).

    Well done for what you've achieved so far. Keep going.

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    • Posted

      Hi, yes I think you did reply to my first post.

      Deep down I know that gaining weight and reaching the goal my doctor suggested is the best thing, it's very hard though and like you say that is natural.

      I set myself the 1300 goal intending to increase it to 1500 once I had cleared a week after Christmas, I have to be honest, before Christmas when every single day was 1300, often less,I was still losing weight so it does make absolute sense to increase that, it's my mind playing games with me.

      I know weight can fluctuate but can never stop freaking out when it does, I think I need to ask my husband to hide the scale I need to find a way to stop doing it every day, it's pointless and it will hinder me, once a fortnight would be better I agree but I may start weekly and then see if I can gradually get to fortnightly in case it causes me too much anxiety at first, if I get too anxious about it I start restricting calories a lot so I may need to ease into that a bit.

      The diary is a fantastic idea thank you, I do have a food one but I need to do it in away that links it to my mood, it will help me and also I can show my doctor which will be really useful.

      I know delaying doesn't help, I'm just so scared but I do need to make a start, even if I just add a bit at first to stop it from feeling overwhelming.

      Thank you so much smile

       

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  • Posted

    Hiya i really fell your pain. i was intears today when i stood on the scales and saw i had gained half a pound even tho i didnt even eat overally alot. But where our bodies are onli used to small amounts when we increase it clightly our bodys restore it.
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    • Posted

      Hi, I'm sorry you had an upsetting day too, it does make sense though that our bodies cling to what extra we give, I try to tell myself that it is because my body needs it and it is a healthy thing, it helps me tofeel more positive about it.
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