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I seriously need some help because I'm scared I would do something I do not want to,but the pain is just unbearble at this point. I've done nothing but cried this last 3 days...the worst is this aweful feeling of helplesness and pain and anger at the same time and I just wanna scream because it is so aweful ,I have to scratch (I cannot think of better word) myself so hard to control myself and make the pain more bearable. And then for a few seconds I'm calm and it starts again. I have been depressed pretty much all of my life without telling my family (even though my mum said she and grandma both had it and I should tell her if I start feeling depressed) , I just don't know how to say that. I managed to push away all of the friends i had and now I'm failing exams so much I would fail a year. And as cherry on top of the cake I think I have social anxiety because I can't think of what to say to people or even when I open my mouth it's usually the stupidest thing,so..yeah.It's been charming so far and I'm 20 year old female ,I should be going out, parting, drinking,doing something, but instead I locked myself in the house (about a year). If it isn't sad it would have been funny. So,finally my question to anyone who has nerves to read this is does it ever get better (because right now I feel like there is no exit ,like there is no better tomorrow and that i would never have someone to love me and deep down I dont think I deserve it) and how to tell my mum ,because almost every time I try to talk to her I cry,I feel like she doesnt understand me (we never had much of a relationship,there was always yelling,shouting ,insulting from both sides) ?
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