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As some of you know, I started having anxiety attacks/depression a few months back. I started receiving counselling and managed to get myself back on track. But now I seem to be falling back into my old ways again. I seem to be thinking that everything that happens in my life is my fault, I feel empty again and like I want/need to be loved and that I have serious health issues.
I, for one know that I don't have serious health issues, and I am thankful for this. At the moment, I have sore, stingy eyes due to lack of sleep and headaches too, due to dehydration. I am trying to balance exercise, health and life, but I feel like my anxiety attacks/ depression is weighing me down.
Everytime I have a negative thought relating to my health, or my family's health, I go absolutely beserk. And I also get thoughts like: 'What if no-one really loves me? Why am I so misunderstood' etc.
I know they are utter rubbish, but I can't seem to escape them or distract myself enough. I hate re-occuring thoughts. I hate anxiety and I hate depression. I hate the feelings they bring. I've been trying to get as much of it out my system as possible through different outlets, and I have been praying a lot.
It seems to work, until I go to bed at night. My thoughts keep me up and drive me crazy. I am trying natural sleeping pills at the moment, but nothing seems to be working, though I am fine when I eventually go to sleep (until someone wakes me up unessecarily).
What do I do? I feel like giving up. I feel like everything is just too much for me. I feel like everything I do damages my health, my relationships and that everything which happens to me is my fault.
Can someone help me get to the bottom of this once and for all? Thanks.
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