I'm in a really deep rut and I can't get out
Posted , 5 users are following.
I'm 22 years old. I started experiencing anxiety when I moved to university namely social anxiety. Since moving to uni I haven't even been able to make any friends because I freeze after so long of talking to people, I become so self-aware and find it hard to regain a normal facial structure etc. No matter how many social situations I have exposed myself to this has not got any better. This caused me to feel depressed because I was stuck in a bubble on my own and had nobody around me.
I took a year out last year and started my final year again in September with the opportunity to start again with no capped marks. I was so hyped up, so content and excited that I'd be able to do well. It got to January and I crumbled. I felt low again. All my motivation was gone, I just couldn't be bothered anymore. It's been that way since then. I'll go through good patches. I understand it is all down to how we think, but right now I'm bogged down with so much that I need to do It feels like I can't escape it. I didn't even go to my two resit exams and my dissertation deadline is in 6 days which I've hardly started. Nothing can take away the fact that I've ruined my last chance at doing well in uni.
Whenever I think to really try again, I think what's the point because I'll just fall all the way down again after so long.
My mum thinks everything is OK and wants to visit me next weekend to help me congratulate submitting my dissertation. She has never showed me any real sympathy when it comes to how I'm feeling and telling her would hinder me more than help me out. My sisters haven't really been there that much for me and I find it hard to not feel bitter about that.
The annoying thing is I still experience the small things so easily, like cherry blossom trees and good music, but on the flip side I'm drowning very fast.
0 likes, 6 replies
lancebuyco ellie74290
Posted
I think what you're missing is love and support and that's what you needed the most in these times. Your world suddenly became gray due to the lack of what you need. Why did you stop having hope? Why not focus on the things that make you happy?
If making friends is diffficult for you, try to start small like I don't know, lending someone a pen or saying "thank you" when someone helps you. I think your social anxiety pushes you to do things fast so it goes away rather than taking it slow and steady. You then feel awkward and scared. You don't need to rush things when making friends. I know you can find a friend out there. Trust me.
As for the other things in your life, try again and this time, be hopeful. If you can, do me a favor and start being hopeful. Rather than being in a slump because you can't find any friends, try to be hopeful and know that you can find one. if your mother cannot help you with what you're feeling, a guidance counselor in your university can help you talk about it or here in the forums if you want to.
If your sisters aren't there for you then screw them (sorry, but I just had to say that). Ignore them if at all they say any unrelated and uncomfortable things in your life.
Feel free to talk to me if you want to let out some steam.
I hope you feel better!
ellie74290 lancebuyco
Posted
Hello! Thanks for taking the time to reply.
I know, I do think it is at the core of why I feel this way because I have had no love or care around me.
I really can't answer what stopped giving me hope and stopped me trying. I think it feels like I am in this uni bubble away from everyone and everything I love.
I get where you are coming from, I have practised exposing myself to situations I feel anxious in but it doesn't seem to pass no matter how slow I let myself take it.
Thank you
eb1148 ellie74290
Posted
Hi, I can really sympathise with what you're going through - I'm 20 and in my second year at Uni, I've had panic disorder since I was 10 but uni has brought on all these new things, started meds while at uni too, lost motivation, feel trapped etc. It's so hard isn't it because there's so much work to do and you just don't feel like you can focus on your wellbeing AND do well in your degree!
What about friends at uni? I'm 90% sure that at least one person you know at uni feels pretty much exactly the same. It's a hard time for everyone and we all need someone for support. What uni are you at?
There is probably some kind of wellbeing/mental health centre within the uni you could go to, how about that? x
ellie74290 eb1148
Posted
Hey thanks for your reply!
Keep on going whilst you still have the chance. You don't want to get to my point in your final year!
I'm currently having talk therapy appointments and had 3 so far. I am going to continue with these and see where it gets me.
Everyone seems on track who I talk to at uni, and nobody really seems to want to be social with each other. It's very bizarre.
I'm at London south bank university. What about you?
eb1148 ellie74290
Posted
You're welcome! Thank you, I'll try. I'm sorry it's come to that for you
Oh brilliant! That's great, all the best with them, stick at it if it's doing you good.
Meh I think a lot of people pretend it's all fine but inside they're exploding
oh that is odd. Oh right, I'm at Uni of York x
jane75220 ellie74290
Posted
Hi
It is tough at Uni there is no doubt about that.
Have you been to your tutor , student halth or a counsellor employed to help students at the Uni? They are used to these problems so please do not feel afraid of approaching them.
.
They should be helping students who for one reason or another are facing these problems.
You may need to take time out then request extra time to submit your dissertation.
I would just hold on in there. It is not the end of the world you just need some pressure taking off yourself.
What are you studying? Do you like your course?
Take care xxx