I’m just getting so exhausted...

Hi,

please allow me to introduce myself by saying I understand if you feel the words of an old man are of no interest to you - the world moves on and issues do the same - however, I have been where you are now. I had a father who seemed to delight in giving me a hard time from as early as I remember. I had a cousin who manipulated people -which in turn led to grief coming my way. So I suspect there is or are impositions from those around you , and in this modern world there should be means to report and prevent it.

Even if I'm wrong though - the trick is to transfer your focus from your worries over physical survival. Of course this is not an easy proposition. For my part I had lost so much self-confidence that to associate with others was a nightmare. You say you chill with friends so I'm guessing you are OK with socialising.

So this is the first step already taken - you are now ready to take step 2. For step 2 you need to find something you can put your mind to- for instance there is art, there is reading, there is walking - the simple act of placing one foot in front of the other over a distance of miles gives the heart just what it best responds to - regular exercise - ask friends if they would like to walk with you. Perhaps decide a route in advance  - or join a walking group. There will no doubt be people there for similar reasons to yours. They want to get their life back. 

There are groups for many types of activity that can be done together with others in a safe community -but for me, when I was young, nothing came close to walking - sometimes running too. Physical activity allows the mind to become numbed -you give yourself permission to take a holiday from stress and anxiety - the world is not you responsibility -you just wish to dig this hole and plant a shrub. or lay this stone to build a wall - whatever the activity it will be what gives you satisfaction, step by step, move by move  -your arms work, your legs work, your torso works, but the brain only needs to work on the specific of what you are doing now.

In a similar way when it comes to bedtime and you look forward to a good sleep - don't try' to sleep. Give your brain a simple task - as boring a task as possible, so for instance envisage a walk you have recently done and recall the wild flowers or look up at the clouds in your mind. Put into words (thought words) where you go and what you do e.g. for me it might be - "I have turned down Well Lane and underfoot are all the pieces of dross from the old steel works . I hear the swish of grass under my feet and here on the right is the stile I am going through into the field where the ruins of the old mansion house used to stand. I am following the hedgerow, keeping it on my left -the hawthorn is in blossom as it's early June and here is a place where the cows have sheltered in bad weather. At the end of this field is where I begin to drop down to Nun Brook to the old clapper bridge where the crayfish still live in my mind and and golden sunny days tinkle like the water in the stream..." - so it goes on. You can use the same words  over and over every night + it becomes so routine you fall asleep. I use one at the moment that contains rhyme - this helps sleep encroach. 

Well, I hope I haven't lost you, and if you have any questions please ask.

Please believe you are never on your own in the sense that  what you feel has been felt before; the answers you have thought you found, that turn out not to work - these too have been visited before. The human mind can truly be its own undoing and ways + means exist to weave past these obstacles without confrontation.

All best wishes, Philip

I have had the same problems with my heart palpitating n nausea...it's panick attacks..the more u think about it the worse it gets..I've been so bad with it that I end up in the e.r my blood pressure is way high...me n u have alot in common...I've been trying to find someone who has the same thing as me...it's such a relief to know I'm not alone.....I have gone to a cardiologist n they can't find nothing wrong with my heart....n sometimes it feels like my heart stops n jump starts again...it's very scary...it knocks the wind out of me..