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Hi I'm Lauren, I'm 21 years old and I'm struggling with anxiety, depression, and PTSD. For the past month i have been in a deep dark depression and sometimes I feel like no one understands or gets me. I feel alone and I don't like going places or being around people. I used to think I was so happy and had everything together and it's like sand slipping through my fingers, falling piece after piece.
I grew up in a family with divorced parents. Dad is a narcissist who is mentally and physically abusive to kids and wife. Cheated on my mom while I was kid. Now he lives with one of those woman who is incredibly mean to me and attention seeking, even now when I'm older. She would do anything to sabotage me and my dads relationship. My mom is kind of crazy but I know she loves me. She can't help me a lot financially but she lives 3 hours away and I only see her a couple times a year. She doesn't know how to help me.
besides for my chaotic childhood, the past month has been the worst. My dad almost hit me head on with his truck 3 weeks ago, and blocked the road coming out of my neighborhood. He pulled me out of the car and beat me. He took my car and everything I had. He kicked me out the house for "being a burden to his life" and "flipping his world upside down" and told me to get out of his life. The reason he did this was because I tried to talk to him about my feelings...he thinks my feelings are character defects such as having anxiety, PTSD, panic disorder so on. He does not believe they are real. So he viewed as me complaining. My gram just died of pancreatic cancer yesterday and that set me over the edge as well. I'm living at my boyfriends house but I'm stuck. I can't get out of bed, I over eat or don't eat at all, I'm smoking marijuana to cope, and I find myself not being able to wrk or go to school. I have no car, no money.
But I had everything 3 years ago! I had a full ride scholarship for 150,000$ in Miami Florida. I broke my ankle and had to come home and ever since then my dad gave me the cold shoulder. I've tried to do everything right. How could I deserve this treatment? I feel worthless
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