I'm losing my mind..hsv2

Posted , 7 users are following.

i just want to die, I'm so depressed. My boyfriend and I broke up for like a week and I got drunk and  I slept with one guy...and had symptoms within a week. Full on just...it was terrible. It's two months later and I am having my second outbreak. We have been trying to conceive and if I infect our baby I can kill our child because I'm so stupid that I made such a dumb mistake. I just turned 25. I always have had confidence and thought I was kinda pretty. My boyfriend says he still loves me but he gets mad and says hurtful stuff, like I said it's only been a couple months so I can't expect him to just be over it, the fact that he still wants to be with me is amazing.. I can't get out of depression, I have severe suicidal thoughts almost daily I don't even know how to put in words how I feel. If I had to sum it up I'd say "ruined". I'm crying writing this because I've read everything I can find on the internet and people  just say "oh it never goes away you'll learn to deal with it." Can I get anti depressants? I have a daughter..a beautiful little girl that deserves the world. I don't want to leave her but I feel so worthless. I know you that makes me a terrible person. Who does something so stupid, what kind of example am I. I hope I don't hurt anyone's feelings I know people go about there lives but I can't. I am physically sick when I think about it and I'm mentally exhausted. What can I do to feel better other than just "deal with it." I hate myself.

0 likes, 9 replies

9 Replies

  • Posted

    Daisy don't be so hard on yourself. it happens to all of us. We all make mistakes, especially when we are in our 20's. It's what you do after you make the mistake that matters. I'm not a doctor but I know I've read up on it before for someone else it's very rare for a baby to contract while in the womb and they've been very successful lately with preventing cross infection when having a c-section it's usually contracted when the baby moves through the birth canal so there is an excellent chance if you get pregnant with another child and have a C-section that the baby won't be infected. Best of luck Merry Christmas and always think of that little girl that you have and how important to her that you are.

    Johnny

    • Posted

      Thank you for being kind, my daughter really is what keeps me breathing. My life isn't easy outside of being diagnosed with something incurable that makes me feel robbed of my womanhood.

      I talked with my doctor about the statistics, I realize there is a fair chance it won't transfer with proper medical attention but if it does happen the baby dies a terrible death most of he time. Almost every time. That is so heartbreaking. My bf and I want to have a family together. At the lowest level of importance but still something that would happen would be me explaining that MY body killed my baby. Everyone would know I have herpes and That I caused a death of a little baby. I just don't know how to make that decision. I feel like it's not a decision..I'm a weak person.

      I am trying not to just drag myself its just my thoughts right now and real, serious consequences for my stupid mistake.

  • Posted

    I take meds and have been very successful in not getting recurring outbreaks. I heard the first one is the worst though.  I have GHSV1. I got this and I'm 59 years old!  I fell in love again and turned out this guy had cold sores. Well, now I have it for life. I still love the guy. Try asking your doctor if you can get a prescription. 

  • Posted

    You are still young, I am 33, battling hsv igg 2 for almost 6 months. I am jealous because you have a child, me I really wanted ever since.

    Suicidal will not help at all, do you know that it much more hurt when your child knows that you will do that, remember you have to do everything for your child, do not think only your self is because you have this kind of disease, you also think of others around you, parents, family, and your child. anything happens for a reason, you have to embrace it, let me know if you want me to tell you my story, there are others here has a story a painful story at hurtful story for having this hsv(a stupid hsv) no one here in this world would like to have it, hence, acceptance only is matter, you can do good things , rather than to think of anything. If only Im giving a chance to conceive and have a normal baby I will ensure that no matter mistake I did from the past, no matter pain and sorrow I have experience, I will not let my child to expereience it, I will ensure my

  • Posted

    Go to herpes community for facts. Also Laureen hd on utube has her own blog and very educational. U really should talk to ur doc bout some counseling. I understand ur frustration and desperate feelings-u can have kids without passing it-do some more research educate urself-I had to. Things do get better with time with this. 
    • Posted

      I will look her up, thank you.

      I'm trying to do my research. The facts are just so negative.

  • Posted

    The fact you have a child is what ought to keep you going and get you through this experience. Be strong for your child, even if for nobody else. You can do it, and it really does improve over time, both physically and emotionally, but that won't happen overnight. In the meantime, eat and live healthily, stay strong, and learn more about herpes. Knowledge is power.

    • Posted

      I know, I know it makes me a terrible mother to even think like this when my daughter is so perfect. In my day to day life that's one thing I do right, im a really good mom when she's with me I don't think like this, don't have the time lol she is a busy 4 year old. When I think about her I feel so bad and I love her so much my heart hurts. I just want to feel better. I don't want to leave her. I just want this to be a dream and it's not. Idk what to do. I knew someone would be mad at me for thinking like this knowing I have a baby but I had to say something. I can't talk to anyone about this.

    • Posted

      Who's mad? Just stating that your daughter should be what gets you through this until the emotional and physical side of things improve, which they will in time. Having a child should make it easier to deal with, because you have to.

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