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I'm losing my mind over it!

Posted , 4 users are following.

Zeco
Zeco

Hello everyone,

About 1.5 year ago I got very nasty fever for more than a week. Initially I was prescribed antibiotics... lymph node(s) on the left side of my neck were swelling realllly bad and antibiotics did not show any improvement.

I was then referred to couple doctors each doing different kind of tests, I had all suspected contagious diseases checked and fine needle sample was taken from my neck and ultrasound was done. The fine needle reterned possible infection... oh and I had CT scan which its report said possible infection too. blood tests showed so many confusing things but when mononucleosis (EPV) was confirmed.. the doctors asked me not to worry and sent me back home.

However, I could feel my body changing... somehow. I'm not sure whats changing, but something is changing. For example, The lymph node(s) on my neck (left side) did go down after their initial huge swelling.... but I could feel that there is something in my neck right now. Maybe it is not growing outside, maybe inside... but it is there. I say this because I can no longer feel comfertable sleeping on my right side... my head would push to my left side and makes me feel uncomfertable. I cannot look to my left side all the way to the back... ifeel something is restricting me... when i get cold, I could feel the lymph nodes on the right side of my neck growing and they are painful to touch... but the left one is not interacting... I could also now feel and see lymph node on my left cheeck in front of my ear and another one which I can feel in the back of my head to the left. I also noticed some new kinds of headache that happen rarely but they are unusual.

So these things were on my mind for the past many months bothering me. Of course the first thing comes to mind is a lymphoma. What is making me go crazy now are the following two things...

For the past month or so, the fingertips on my right hand started developing some thick and painful 'dead skin'. It became unbarable so I went today to Boots and asked for one of the ladies that work there for her something to get rid of them. I thought this is something normal maybe got to do with the weather change. She looked like she didn't know how to deal with those which made me think it is maybe not that common... so I googled and wikipedia showed up with Sclerodactly. The picture they provided on the wiki entry is too much compared to my finger.... but it felt like something similar. So I went ahead and read the wiki which stated that sclerodactly sometimes associated with scleroderma. So I clicked on scleroderma... only to find out that in addition to sclerodactly being a symptom of scleroderma.. there is another thing called carpal tunnel syndrom...

and carpal tunnel syndrom brings me to my other issue.. for the past six months or so, i've been waking up in the middle of the night because of pain with my hands... they're so numb i cannot move them. based on carpal tunnel syndrom description... it seems what i've been having with my hands is exactly it!

so now I had two symptoms of the scleroderma plus the common bloating and indigistion...

As I would usually do nowadyas, i immediately suspected scleroderma got to do with the thing in my neck, i googled that and turns out it maybe associated with lymphona.

I hate it how things keep coming back to lymphoma.

One would say go to a doctor and get checked... trust me its not that easy. I imagine going there and getting the bad news, then my life will change. Im in the middle of my studies, I've already seen my parents when I was suspected to have lymphoma first time (actally one of the doctors said I had it but then retracted his statement three weeks later)... it felt weird... my mind jammed and I couldn't process. Looking at my loved ones reaction literally felt like i've witnessed my own fuenral... its all about courage I admit... usually when sh*t hits the fan I would go back to my father... and he was with me all the time at the hospital before, but i don't want to ever put him through that again. maybe i'm just using the not wanting to go to the hospital alone as an excuse.. i don't know.

but this whole matter is making me go crazy.

I just needed to vent over here, this is not a subject I like sharing with my family and friends.

3 likes, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • Brian0717
    Brian0717 Zeco

    Posted

    I feel you.  A little over two months I've been dealing with this huge node under my jaw on the right side.  Tonite is not a good night.  I have so much anxiety.  I haven't even gotten out of bed all day. 

    I've been to several doctors and going to an ENT specialist Tuesday.  But am so scared.  I have no symptoms of anything other than a stuffy nose.    I have been on 4 antibiodics and nothing has made them go down.  

    • ambee29651
      ambee29651 Brian0717

      Posted

      Snap I can feel a few under jaw.  I don't no if it normal but u felt my kids I felt one and brother he said he can feel one  and I've  felt it.....  My friend family said they can feel them everyone said don't worrie and doctors say they don't no what I'm feeling lol  they says ut my aniexty but it's not cuz everyone has felt them 
  • Misssy2
    Misssy2 Zeco

    Posted

    Did you ever find out if you had scleroderma?

    A close friend of mine has that...and I am learning about it.

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