I'm losing my will to fight. Any opinions about suicide?

Posted , 11 users are following.

Hi, I'm 17, nearly 18. Loneliness is what keeps my sanity fade. Barely have any friends. Far from most of my family. I lost my best friend too - grew apart. I really have no one. I thought I can move on and get over my depression but it's not simple. The pain, frustration and everything is overwhelming. Painful that I live in a void - dark, empty, no future, nowhere to go. It's all blurry. I have several insecurities.

I can't express the agony I'm going through. Some people think it's shallow but we all have different tolerance to pain. I really want to disappear and never thinking of going back. It's the suicidal thoughts. I feel like everyone would be so much happier without me. There are many people deserving to live than I do. I want to help people and animals as I feel like it's my vocation. But I can't. I'm far away from those people in need. I have no money and my family wouldn't let me as to I have to "finish my studies". I can't be happy anymore and it's more of a chore to wake up and get up every morning. I want to end my life.

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15 Replies

  • Posted

    SUICIDE is not the answer,believe me I didn't think life could ever be so bad,but depression showed me what hell is like,you are so young it's heartbreaking to read you want to end your life,you need to see a doctor urgently and be honest about your feelings there is lots of help out there,I know it doesn't feel like that now but in a few weeks you will understand what I mean please get some help,you have years of joy & happiness that you don't even know about yet x

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    • Posted

      I've done counselling and CBT (therapy). It didn't work at all. I've called many services like psychiatrist, psychologist. I just can't afford to get help. They're too expensive. I'd rather die than be broke.

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  • Posted

    Do you have parents?

    You would break their souls if you took your life.

    I know this because I knew a mother who lost her son to suicide....and after he was gone...she continiously had questions...and blamed herself for not doing more.

    You are so young...and I thought of suicide at 17...and when I look back on that time...I shiver...I was so close to doing it.

    I would have missed out on so many things...my 2 kids (who by the way don't talk to me...Lol)....Bunch of experiences.

    I was very close to my Grandmother...is there anyone that you can think of that you wish to hold on for....be there for?

    I know when we get deep into depression we only think about US and how to end it....but other people could benefit from you sticking around.

    Do you take any medications?

    I think you would greatly benefit from some medication.

    What stopped me at 17 from going thru with it...was I called a friend...cried (it was Thanksgiving) I was alone...basically thought no one cared..he came to get me...had he not answered the phone...I truly believe that i would be gone.

    And I know NOW at 52...if I was to do that back then...alot of people would have missed out on what I have had to offer all these years.

    Instead of thinking of the moment...try to think of a brighter future.

    What are you studying?

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    • Posted

      I don't take any medications or get help because it's really expensive to go to a psychologist. I'm currently doing media studies. I do know what I want to be in the future. The pressure and excruciating pain that depression has caused is the main reason I want to end it all.

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    • Posted

      media studies? That sounds interesting.

      SEE..you are an interesting person...no need to end it all...all of these terrible feelings will pass.

      I understand you can't afford help.  There aren't any services in your area that accept patients without coverage?

      St Johns Wort is good for people that take (who don't take other medications) for depression....if they sell that over the counter it sounds like it would be worth a shot for you.

      Other than that...what is free is exercise..but most don't feel like exercise when they are depressed.  But, it is like a catch 22...you have to do it to feel better...you have to feel better to do it.

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  • Posted

    I agree with Katyf,  It would be best to seek out  a Doctor or therapist to confront your depressive feelings. I don't think just talking on this forum will help that much....I believe face to face  therapy with a professional would be the most beneficial .  And beware  of anyone just prescribing an anti-depressant to " see how it goes for a few weeks"  and come back to see me.  This will take some time and effort on your part.......this is your life.   Regares.....Jim B.

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    • Posted

      I would and did see a doctor but I can't have further help because I can't afford it and it would make me even more depressed because I don't deserve to live and the money that my mum is spending isn't worth it. I've held on for so long. Nothing seems to get better.

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