I'm losing my will to fight. Any opinions about suicide?

Posted , 11 users are following.

Hi, I'm 17, nearly 18. Loneliness is what keeps my sanity fade. Barely have any friends. Far from most of my family. I lost my best friend too - grew apart. I really have no one. I thought I can move on and get over my depression but it's not simple. The pain, frustration and everything is overwhelming. Painful that I live in a void - dark, empty, no future, nowhere to go. It's all blurry. I have several insecurities.

I can't express the agony I'm going through. Some people think it's shallow but we all have different tolerance to pain. I really want to disappear and never thinking of going back. It's the suicidal thoughts. I feel like everyone would be so much happier without me. There are many people deserving to live than I do. I want to help people and animals as I feel like it's my vocation. But I can't. I'm far away from those people in need. I have no money and my family wouldn't let me as to I have to "finish my studies". I can't be happy anymore and it's more of a chore to wake up and get up every morning. I want to end my life.

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15 Replies

  • Posted

    SUICIDE is not the answer,believe me I didn't think life could ever be so bad,but depression showed me what hell is like,you are so young it's heartbreaking to read you want to end your life,you need to see a doctor urgently and be honest about your feelings there is lots of help out there,I know it doesn't feel like that now but in a few weeks you will understand what I mean please get some help,you have years of joy & happiness that you don't even know about yet x

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    • Posted

      I've done counselling and CBT (therapy). It didn't work at all. I've called many services like psychiatrist, psychologist. I just can't afford to get help. They're too expensive. I'd rather die than be broke.

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  • Posted

    Do you have parents?

    You would break their souls if you took your life.

    I know this because I knew a mother who lost her son to suicide....and after he was gone...she continiously had questions...and blamed herself for not doing more.

    You are so young...and I thought of suicide at 17...and when I look back on that time...I shiver...I was so close to doing it.

    I would have missed out on so many things...my 2 kids (who by the way don't talk to me...Lol)....Bunch of experiences.

    I was very close to my Grandmother...is there anyone that you can think of that you wish to hold on for....be there for?

    I know when we get deep into depression we only think about US and how to end it....but other people could benefit from you sticking around.

    Do you take any medications?

    I think you would greatly benefit from some medication.

    What stopped me at 17 from going thru with it...was I called a friend...cried (it was Thanksgiving) I was alone...basically thought no one cared..he came to get me...had he not answered the phone...I truly believe that i would be gone.

    And I know NOW at 52...if I was to do that back then...alot of people would have missed out on what I have had to offer all these years.

    Instead of thinking of the moment...try to think of a brighter future.

    What are you studying?

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    • Posted

      I don't take any medications or get help because it's really expensive to go to a psychologist. I'm currently doing media studies. I do know what I want to be in the future. The pressure and excruciating pain that depression has caused is the main reason I want to end it all.

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    • Posted

      media studies? That sounds interesting.

      SEE..you are an interesting person...no need to end it all...all of these terrible feelings will pass.

      I understand you can't afford help.  There aren't any services in your area that accept patients without coverage?

      St Johns Wort is good for people that take (who don't take other medications) for depression....if they sell that over the counter it sounds like it would be worth a shot for you.

      Other than that...what is free is exercise..but most don't feel like exercise when they are depressed.  But, it is like a catch 22...you have to do it to feel better...you have to feel better to do it.

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  • Posted

    I agree with Katyf,  It would be best to seek out  a Doctor or therapist to confront your depressive feelings. I don't think just talking on this forum will help that much....I believe face to face  therapy with a professional would be the most beneficial .  And beware  of anyone just prescribing an anti-depressant to " see how it goes for a few weeks"  and come back to see me.  This will take some time and effort on your part.......this is your life.   Regares.....Jim B.

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    • Posted

      I would and did see a doctor but I can't have further help because I can't afford it and it would make me even more depressed because I don't deserve to live and the money that my mum is spending isn't worth it. I've held on for so long. Nothing seems to get better.

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  • Posted

    I was thinking about suicide about a month ago, I just kept thinking about how horrible life was and how lonely I was but after awhile I started to come outta it even tho thing haven't changed much in life they are getting better and it was about a year and a half that I just wanted to die! I started this medication last week for anxiety and I found that taking it at night and getting a good nights sleep on it I would be in a better mood the next day, plus exercising helps me feel better about myself and I usually wake up, woke, gym, then I take my medicine at night when I'm in bed ready to sleep or a little before that

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  • Posted

    Hi, l am so pleased that you have reached out for help with this forum. I believe you are lost and need to understand why and so even tho you say suicide you are thinking that this could be a solution to your pain and fear and just plain confused. Many young people have similar issues in trying to figure out who they are and what they can be, what are their strengths and how can they use them to find activities, jobs that can 
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    • Posted

      So sorry the site was acting up and dropped my reply to you. You talked of studies so do you have access to school counsellors, nurses? Why don't you try starting talking with them and start getting some direction for better understanding your feelings and the typical feelings others in your age group also struggle with?! This could really be an enjoyable experience because you will discover many truths about you life's passages and the ordinary struggles we all face. First step is the hardest and I believe you are ready for it. Good luck and I am sendings many hugs your way. Think of yourself as a warrior who is at the beginning of the life and is searching for answers! You can do this, I believe you are ready! Go have some fun with this exciting adventure (YOU).  

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  • Posted

    gfe82272 - if I could reach out and hug you I would.

    Everything I am going to say will sound 'plastic' to you but here goes:

    1. You are amazingly brave to have said what you did - putting thoughts into words is so hard to do - so there is your first well done.

    2. 17/18 is a tough time for a lot of people - give yourself credit for this.

    3. You've said below that you've 'held on for so long' - you are stronger than you realise.

    I'm not sure where you are living  but I think this is a UK registered site. Are you in the UK? If so, support should be available on the NHS however I am fully aware of waiting times and how stretched the service provisions is. 

    I'm not going to try and guilt you out of thinking about suicide - however I DO NOT want you to take that route. You feel like it now but there are people who can help and it will get better. I am not going to promise you it will be overnight, or even that it will be quick, but it will get better.

    You're finishing your studies, then you will move onto something different. You will meet new people and make new friends. This naturally feels overwhelming, even more so when you are already mentally struggling. I have felt the hopelessness you are feeling. But it will get better.

    And in your post you say it's a chore to wake up and get up every morning but YOU DO IT - another example of just how strong and amazing you are. Give yourself credit for this.

    I wish I could give you a hug and tell you everything will be ok. I believe it can be but you do need to find someone able to point you in the right direction.

    Please give yourself as much love as you can. Take each day, each hour, each minute as it comes. I do not want you to end your life. I want you to grow into the amazing person you haven't yet had time to become.

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  • Posted

    I'm going to level with and be very blunt. You need somebody to look up to it could be religious, sciencey, philosophy or something atleast guide you. You've lost connection with people, you barely say you have family. I'm guessing you feel as if you don't have much to offer, you fell empty and bare without reason. 

    I don't know if you've been rejected and you feel like you can't reach out to people to find the general good in them because you can't trust people which seems to be my case or it could be a general feeling of nihilism. The point is life has its highs and it has it's lows. 

    Don't fixate on happiness, focus on problem that you said 'loneliness'. There are lots of different ways to fix that problem and I'm not going to say it's going to be a permant fix but life is always changing. I'm not asking you to fight life, I'm simply asking to observe it. 

     

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  • Posted

    It's always been my belief that "where's there's life there's hope". Time and time again this has been proved correct in my life and the lives of others around me. Including those who are permanently disabled because it wasn't their time.

    You are 18 so probably doing A levels if your in the UK. Have you filled in your UCAS form to go to uni yet? Please believe me when I say you can do ANYTHING you want with your life but suicide is hard and if it's not your time you won't die but could permanently disable yourself. Follow your dreams helping others or animals is a grand vocation. You could combine both aspects. Plenty of charities use animals as therapy for all sorts of groups, they usually like volunteers as well. There are also charities who need volunteers to hel0 look after pets of people who have to go into hospital or can't manage due to a decline in health. Again helping both people and animals. You can study and volunteer at the same time you know.

    Never give up your vocation shows you are a sensitive and caring person, the type of person who life usually hurts the most.

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  • Posted

    I think you dwell too much on the bad things that have happened to you. I know, it's hard not to do, I've been there before. Instead of thinking over all the bad, think about the good. Again, I know how hard that is. Everything seems bad when you're depressed. But try as hard as you can. Maybe write all the good things that you see everyday down in a journal. It's so hard at first, but it'll get easier. Hey, you've made it this far, you can go farther.

    Now about suicide...

    Suicide is not the way out. You're still young, you have so much of your life ahead of you. Keep on pushing through. You don't realize it, but there are people who care about you. They'd be devastated if you took your life. This isn't supposed to be a guilt trip, but it's true. Again, don't dwell on the bad things. Everybody experiences them; it's apart of life. Sometimes we focus too much on the bad things that we miss out on the good things. This is already a pretty lengthy reply, so I'll leave it there.

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