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I'm new and curious

Posted , 5 users are following.

lori17674
lori17674

Hello, 

I am here for myself but mostly for my husband who has been diagnosed with Bipolar Mixed. and really just need help understanding what happens and how others deal and cope with the mood changes. 

0 likes, 8 replies

8 Replies

  • Scottie70
    Scottie70 lori17674

    Posted

    Hello Lori...

    There's so much to it all as it all varies so incredibly much from person to person, that it's perhaps best if I start with a 'welcome' & hope you're both well & not too overwhelmed by the diagnosis & information you've both been given...

    If you can narrow down & prioritise what you'd like to ask & know, it'll be easier for users of the forum & myself to respond appropriately.

    I could ramble on, cause I do at times, saying all sorts, yet nothing that's particularly helpful to you & your husband!!!!

    Let me know what's 'pressing', what's more important to know about & I'm sure as a group, we'll do our best to support you both.

    I'm struggling with a low mood & lacking confidence after coming out of a depressive episode & I'm therefore not working. I've been diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder for 15 years & have experienced a range of things associated with it all!!

    I really enjoy contributing to the forum as I'm connected with people, I'm being listened to & helped & I like supporting other people where I feel I can.

    Take care & be in touch...

    ;0)

    • lori17674
      lori17674 Scottie70

      Posted

      Thank you Scottie, I am struggling now with whether to stay with him. He is acting irrationally and it is scary. I notice when he is in the low moods because mostly of what he has done-it is so selfish-everything centers around him more. He blames me because he can't bear to blame himself. He does have lots of depression I think based on the fact he puts himself at such a high standard of performance he cannot possibly succeed. There are so many stories I could tell you but you probablyknow them all. Thank you for responding. 
    • Scottie70
      Scottie70 lori17674

      Posted

      Oh Lori, I'm so sorry to hear that as it must be such a difficult decision to make. At the same time enduring all the irrationality isn't pleasant alongside such uncertainty; because that's one thing I can be sure of, the unknown ahead!

      It's hard enough going through it as the person with bipolar, I've supported many people with mental health issues & appreciate the challenges, however I can't begin to fathom what it must be like to live with someone with bipolar, especially a spouse, someone you love.

      I know the guilt I feel when I'm low & withdrawn & the possible strain it puts on my husband. As with the illness & it's various impact on individuals, it's the same with their reactions to the mood swings; all very different too.

      I do blame myself & situations, rather than people or my husband. When low, I'm very withdrawn & weepy, barely leave the house, but try to function as much as I can, cook meals, keep the home tidy, do the laundry etc...

      When I'm really low, I can't even do that & will feel guilty about it.

      When hypomanic, I'm a live wire & on the go, spend lots of money that I never hide from my husband now & I keep him in the loop with what I'm experiencing & ask for help as & when I feel I need it. When it gets really bad I steal, stupid little items I can afford, so I don't understand why I do it, the euphoric thrill perhaps?!

      I can't comment on your situation directly as I don't know you both & that would be unfair.

      I don't know what it takes to make a marriage gripped by MH issues work?

      I had bipolar when we met, he's always known about it, we're best friends, deeply in love, I annoy him, he certainly annoys me, so we're the average couple too!

      The biggest thing I fret about, is that I'm qualified in a number of things, I'm a trained Image Consultant & used to earn a really good wage doing that. I'm also a trained midwife & don't practice because of my confidence levels. I could teach antenatal classes & support women in various aspects of pregnancy & maternity care/breastfeeding, it's my absolute passion, but I don't, all because of my moods.

      So despite my professional qualifications & various others, I don't work regularly & therefore earn a full salary. I know this puts a strain on us financially & means we can't replace the car & go on holiday.

      I do some hairdressing which I love & that generates some income, but not enough for us to not worry.

      So I certainly create problems & whittle my husband will leave me, he just must see something in me worth hanging on to?!

      Lori, I hope you find some answers in your heart & you find yourself a way forward which ever direction it may be...

      keep popping online from time to time or private message throu here to say how you are & feel heard & supported.

      Take the best of care.

      Justine ;0)

    • lori17674
      lori17674 Scottie70

      Posted

      Wow. I think you are exactly what I need Scottie. He lost our money we needed to move into our new house. We are behind in rent 6 months, and I am working crazy hours overtime. I am involved in online Masters program almost finished, and he is so brilliant-but not so practical. He works against me in so many ways, wanting to buy me wine and bubble bath when I just want to pay the rent and utilities. That is what makes me happy. so very little. He works overtime to do those things for me because it means so much to him-so I let him all the while it is eating at me. It is hurting me. He threw my phone because we can't afford all of the media charges associated with it. He gets angry and hurtful. I have dealt with people who have this disorder. I just haven't lived so close to it before. It's a push and pull-a go away- but hold me close thing. It's very hard to predict and settle because something new will be presenting itself any moment. I don't know anyone here to vent to. I don't want to take my personal issues to work with me. I am just in a hole it seems. Thank you for your response.

       

  • lynne05476
    lynne05476 lori17674

    Posted

    Hi Lori, I am guessing that the journey you and your husband have been on until now to diagnosis has been pretty vile at times, at the moment I would take a bit of time just trying to digest information gathered so far because you have already laid down your own foundations for dealing with his mood changes without even realising it.If you can both communicate to eachother during good and bad times then you are half way there.Problems can set in when the person diagnosed kicks against a whole gambit of options that may be beneficial to them or they cannot engage with treatments/therapies/medications that maybe suggested as the disorder is so complex.I wish you both lots of luck and remember you're doing ok under difficult circumstances,a year ago i was a mess,today i'm working,sleeping,keeping up with very dear friends and coped with my husband sustaining a life-threating event 2 wks ago.I'd be lying if i said its all ok ,its not but i seem to be managing having put various coping mechanisms in place for home,work,friendships ,with lots of support i think i'm doing great.
    • lori17674
      lori17674 lynne05476

      Posted

      Wow, I feel for you Lynne. Things can be overwhelming at times. For me it feels like I am expected to know understand and do something now about 10 things I cannot navigate through in a second. I am yelled at, cussed at, and treated hostilly because I seem to be the root of the problem. But I am not. Hang in there, and I will too. The bad times always get better. I need positive support too. I have so many negative words going through my head I am afraid I will let them out where they only hurt others. But on some level, what he is saying is right. People don't think things through, people do just only enough to get by and then leave. They don't understand your situation, they only know what the paper says in front of them. The system is messed up-yes, but we have to live in the here and now. I am going to do my dishes and work on my school program. It is positive psychology. If I can be of any support to you-I would like that. thank you.  :Lori
  • clare39944
    clare39944 lori17674

    Posted

    Hi Lori,  I agree with all the helpful suggestions which have already been posted in reply to you.  One thing I would add is for your husband to think positively about taking meds. It has taken me years to fully accept that the only way forward was to go onto Lithium.  Yes it is a drag to have bloodtests but keeping a modicum of stabilty outweighs the disadvantages.  As others have told me there is no guarantee one will not have the depressive episodes, but on the plus side they do not last as long and as for the highs, in my case I actually feel the Lithium working to prevent it escalating. I hope this is of some help, Clare
    • lori17674
      lori17674 clare39944

      Posted

      I have managed to mess that up too. I had him on my health plan at work for about a month until I realized I couldn't afford it. When I took him off-he had lost the benefits he had before because he was on my plan, Now I can't get them back. He had full disability-Medicare coverage. I can't even seem to fix my mistakes. 
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