I'm new on here and am incredibly anxious! Please help

I'm a 25 year old female who has suffered from insomnia for many years. There are phases where I sleep like a log and phases where I can't sleep at all and wonder if there's something seriously wrong with me. I suffer from bad anxiety and OCD.

At the moment my sleep all week has been terrible! Before it was really good and I slept like a log. Since coming back from holiday I've been lonely and depressed. I was by myself at home as my mum was away and felt isolated from friends. My holiday was incredibly active and busy all the time and I was surrounded by lots of people so it was a shock to come back to a lone and slow paced lifestyle. I've also had worries about my cat and looking for work.

My sleep has been abnormal and I wonder if there's something really wrong. Sometimes I don't know whether I've been awake or asleep. I felt awake but when I check the clock an hour or two has gone by however during this time I wasn't thinking about anything or watching the time which I usually do if I can't sleep. I dream a lot too. I wake up feeling exhausted.

These past two nights I've like had very little sleep, maybe 4 hrs in 2 days or less. I'm on holiday with my family and they suffer too. Last night I had the CONSTANT urge to pee and go to the loo. It was so bad I couldn't focus on anything else and went to the loo like 30 times!! Most of the time little came out. I barely slept. I don't even know if I slept as I felt constantly awake and felt awake whilst light dreaming.

I'm shattered and so anxious! I worry my sleep isn't normal and go online to try to assess the problem which makes it worse as I cant find what I have or I read something that me. Sometimes I read something reassuring but I'm only reassured for 5 minutes and start stressing.

I've had this problem multiple times in the past and each time I'm convinced there's something seriously wrong because I'm not sleeping properly. It clears up with sleeping pills and I'm fine for a few months but then it starts again.

My anxiety is so bad I can't eat. I should be having fun on holiday but I'm ruining my family's time and I feel even more pressure to sleep properly. I want to sleep but I can't. My brain won't shut down.

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