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I'm not in a good mindset, what should i do?

Posted , 4 users are following.

Meg98
Meg98

I have suffered from anxiety and depression since i was 15 and i am now 19 going on 20 in 2 months. I have been on medication but stopped taking it when i was 17 because i felt fine like i didn't need it no more and i do not want to rely on medication 24/7.

Nearly 2 years ago my sister had a tragic accident and i had to quit my job to be her full time carer, after a year she was basically back to health so i had all this free time on my hands and all my friends were getting into relationships and i was thinking 'Whats wrong with me? Why have i never been in one' which then lead me onto HOCD which i have had now for a full year. I have nothing against same sex relationships but for me personally i know i am straight deep down and always been sexually attracted to men and have had flings with men until HOCD which is ruining me day by day and my brain wont stop thinking about scenarios in my head, I'm exhausted. The only way to distract myself is by going out partying drinking and doing drugs.

I know it seems so dramatic but the HOCD is killing me inside and it is so draining and its just triggering many other thoughts unrelated to HOCD also. My family and friends think i am fine they have no idea i am going through this, the thought of ending it makes me happy the thought of not having to deal with it anymore but then it also upsets me to know my parents and sister will be broken.

Has anyone else experienced HOCD or overcome these suicidal thoughts? Any feedback would be lovely.

So sorry for how horribly written this post is, i'm so distraught this last thing on my mind is making sure spelling is perfect and having perfect grammar.

1 like, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • Patient-Mod
    Patient-Mod Meg98

    Posted

    Hi Meg98

    We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologise for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

    If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

    Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

    If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

    Kindest regards

    Patient

  • jay_babes
    jay_babes Meg98

    Posted

    Hi before i can help you could you please tell me what HOCD, because i have a lot of problems that i am dealings with so i think i can help 
    • Meg98
      Meg98 jay_babes

      Posted

      Hey there, the definition of HOCD is below.

      Homosexual OCD – also known as sexual orientation OCD, is seen in individuals (straight, gay, or bisexual) who develop obsessive thoughts, plagued by an intense (unwarranted) fear and doubt over their long-standing sexual orientation.

      Its just very exhausting and intrusive, it never goes away and lingers 24/7. Even tho i know i am straight deep down it still does effect me.

      Hope you are okay with whatever you are dealing with.

    • jay_babes
      jay_babes Meg98

      Posted

      Hi thank you getting back to me sorry i only just read it i have been suffering the last few days but i am like you say dealing with it, if i tell you what i have then you will understand why i want to help others, i have depression, panic attacks. ibs, eating orders. severe migraines, insomnia. and bdd. but all these are linked but are am under the doctors and getting help also seeing counsellors , it has been a long road. but i believe with everything i have been through there is a better life out there for me and i want to live it , i have a good family , a great partner , and a few very understanding wonderful friends , dont get me wrong it has not be easy , it started when i was 14, i am 54 now, and at the time there was not a lot of help, but there is now you only have to find the right people , people who know what you are going through, people who suffer the same symptoms , and believe me there are , you are not alone, i will be honest i do not know much about what you are going through but i do know what it is like to have problems and be so confused and not know which why to turn, what happened to be , i did not tell anyone kept it to myself ,it was what caused all my problems, its taken now to get help , so please get help do not hurt yourself , you are worth so much, life is for living. and you only get one and with help you WILL love yourself and life, i did and i am glad , i have good days and bad but that does not matter in am glad i am still here when nearly i was not , take care i am here if you need me biggrin
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