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Trevor521 Trevor521

I’m not sure if I’ve been diagnosed correctly, what should I do?

Since the age of nine I’ve had a pretty rocky road with depression. I used to get bullied, 3/4 grand parents died, my dog ran away and within a month my dad went to prison. Only being nine I was confused and all but I attempted suicide by noose, it didn’t work as you can see but I was unconscious for about 3 minutes and my mother saved my unconscious almost dead body from death. Ever since I’ve had really bad issues involving anger, depression, trust issues, horrible flash backs, and I can even sometimes hear voices that I just try to push out of my head. My anger is my biggest concern, I try my best to keep a situation calm when it’s reached a certain point so it doesn’t escalate, it usually does and it makes me go insane. For instance two days ago me and my close nephew had our worst fight yet, he was in the hallway (he’s older than me btw) with his hands up and I lost my mind. I started screaming.. over and over again I was just screaming no words just hate as loud my blacked out body could while punching walls doors and him. It was an insane argument and my head couldn’t take being called psycho over and over again.  I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar disorder but I’m not sure all of my symptoms fall under that spectrum. I’m wondering if I developed ptsd from the incident.. these flash backs I get are so horrible, and every time I see anybody hung in a movie I wanna cry my fuckin eyes out in shame. I hear voices, randomly throughout the day.. sometimes it’s my name sometimes it’s violent words. My house is 2 bedroom and my dad is pretty abusive.. my mom and him got into a fight like 3 months ago and she had to sleep with me. I woke up from feeling violent shaking and heard mumbling to listen a little over the fan it’s her shaking chanting “HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL” and it seemed so real, the clock was accurate I was sitting up when it ended and had to sit back down to go back to sleep so it had me really freaked out. I was defiant of Christianity about 2 months ago, even made fun of it and with my current mental state I may have f****d myself. I’ve been making serious changes lately but people in my home are all changing for the worse while I’m becoming better dragging me down further. I’m a Christian now, I attend church and I pray daily. I’m worried I have much more wrong with me than people know and I have no idea what to do.

4 Replies

  • borderriever borderriever Trevor521

    TREVOR

    You mention problems you had when a child/teens  and associated  Bullying. When bullying happens the sufferer will try and get away from the bully, this is known as FLIGHT.

    You do not approach the Bully in FIGHT you look upon the safe way, getting away FLIGHT, this becomes a self taught situation as the bullying becomes more problematic, you do not fight and the bullying becomes worse.

    As you get older you look back at this time, now you feel disgusted atwhat happened as a child, now when someone disagrees with you and tries to control your thoughts, you are approached now by someone who is disagreeing with you, Now you have to try and explain your views. Now because of the past, you are unable to relate to the situation you find yourself in. You go into FIGHT MOOD.

    Now you need help to control this FIGHT or FLIGHT.

    Talk to your GP, there are treatments and techniques to control your Moods, you also need help to look at past events as well, you also need to develop confidence in life and move on.

    You mention your Mental Health seems to have settled, however you need to understand not to become always that victim and know when to move on in life.

    I had something similar and I made massive changes to my life that has helped me, My problem now is I live with those changes and accept all decisions I have made. One of these changes has now introduces a stark choice I made and now a person has died of  Old Age. I had been unavailable and did not know when the death happened. No-one know where I am. It is no good me showing regret, this situation will will happen again as family die of. I live with those decisions and move on. Regret yes. To beat myself up, No.

    Try taking some responsibility for your actions and understand any upset you have is part of Life Mystery.

    Talk to your GP, you need to be able to control your moods and any changes you will need to make

    BOB

     

  • michael25874 michael25874 Trevor521

    Anytime you are having auditory or visual hallucinations it is serious. It can be a Bipolar related psychosis or other mental disorder but it should be explained to a professional so that they can get your full background and family history.

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