I'm not sure what the knot in my chest represents anymore!

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tom55673
2

Hey guys. So I've been having some problems for a while. About 6 to 8 months ago I started to get really worried about what other people know about me. The bad things I mean.

When I was younger, i made many mistakes on social media. I would text random girls I didn't know and try to talk to them. I would say some wierd and creepy/cringy things sometimes, trying to woo them and one time about a year ago I sent photos with a girl who messaged me first on Snapchat. I worry that I might have pushed someone over the edge with those texts and I know I should never have done it.

I have a feeling that i might have done these things because when I was very young, me and my male cousin would sort of experiment sexually. Not sex but sometimes we would briefly put our penises around each other's bottoms and a bit of touching and grabbing here and there.

I worry about people knowing about these things and I worry about how it could all come out in the future and destroy my life. I'm 17 and a half now and these things happen when I was about 13 to 14. The thing with my cousin was years before that. I don't know if it's worry, shame or guilt I feel in my chest anymore and I need it gone so I can move on with my life.

Any thoughts??

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  • Posted

    These feelings will fade with time- dont worry, everyone makes mistakes. Learn from the mistakes and dont beat yourself up over it. It is unlikely the truth would ever come out but if it did, all you have to do is be honest, admit the mistakes and thats the end of it. 13-14 year old girls recieve innapropriate messages all the time, its not right but you probably wern't the last to send them stuff like that. You cant control your past, all you can do is better yourself now. Going to a counselor about this stuff may help a ton too if you would consider therapy.

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    • Posted

      Hi addie. Forgive me for the late reply. Thank you for your help. I speak to my sister about some of this stuff when the guilt became unbearable but she's away a lot and I don't know what to do when she's isn't here and I am considering therapy. I am always so scared of what people think of me.

      I have done other stupid things aswell the worst was probably masturbating on a bus and one time in the dark in a bush when me and my classmates were at an adventure centre. I just need the knot in my chest entangled...

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  • Posted

    its part of growing up, aknowledging things weve done in the past that we regret, because they were wrong. most people have skeletons in their closets, things that make us feel ashamed. theres nothing you can do to alter what weve done in the past. it teaches you there are consequences of your actions, and to behave towards people in a considerate way. only you and your cousin know what happened. if he says anything, bluff your self out of it, deny it happened. only your cousin knows for sure.

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    • Posted

      Thank you for your help, Nigel, and forgive me for the late reply. I do realise that not everyone is perfect and that I will probably and hopefully move on. Thank you

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