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I really just want to feel healthy and happy again, like when I was little. Maybe it's just that I've been through things.. at least I think I have, but maybe I just think it was more extreme than it really was. For the last few years I just haven't ever really felt satisfied anymore. I want to wake up in the morning and be happy and content and not dragging and down and stressed. I try really hard to look good and smile for everyone, but I feel like I'm not giving enough or something. When I already feel this way, and I do something wrong, or I mess something up- especially work or school- It bothers me so much for days! I get really upset about it and I try really hard to make up for it, but sometimes you just can't fix things, and you either have to try to forget about it or just.. live with it. I don't really feel that I have things in common with my friends anymore, and I can't really talk to them, so I suppose that's why I'm writing this right now. I don't take any medicine right now, so it can't be anything related to that. I take multi-vitimins, because I read that sometimes you can be sad if you're body is lacking a particular vitimin. I feel good knowing I'm doing extra to be healthy, but I still feel the same inside. I used to think maybe the weather would bring me down, like rainy days or dark days would sort of dampen my mood, but even on sunny days, especialy sunny days, if I don't have any plans, or I'm inside, I just feel so sad and I feel like I can't leave my house. I want to be around people so badly, but I'm afraid to. I'm just deeply uncomfortable in my skin. I don't know why I'm like this, I don't understand why at all. It's really frustrating because it seems so silly, like if you want to leave your house and be around people - then just do it.. right? I should.. I just can't get myself to.. I don't want the neighbors to see me or say something to me and I don't want to be messed with.. but I want to be outside and not alone, and I don't want to feel like I have to care about what other people think, strangers or the people I know. Sometimes my mom feels like this too, where she feels like she can't leave the house, and she's sad. She says that it's just pms or it's just mood swings or moodiness because of where you are on your menstural cycle.. Maybe it is, but even so, I don't want to live like this, I don't want to be miserable or sad or lonely or not confident enough to leave the house anymore. I'm 19 years old. I can't be like this. I haven't thought of going to a doctor until recently, but I don't want my mom to say I'm overreacting. She doesn't think that a doctor will do anything except prescribe medications and there will be side affects. I agree with her, I don't want to just rely on medicine.. but if i could take something for a short while to get better, or change something that I'm doing wrong.. I just don't know what to do anymore. I think I'm pretty healthy. i go to sleep at a reasonable time at night. I eat healthy.. just.. I think I need some help. Where should I start?
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