1. Community
  2. Mental health
  3. Anxiety Disorders

I'm obsessed with my girlfriend when I'm not with her.

Posted , 4 users are following.

john79310
john79310

Apologies in advance, because this is going to be a little long winded.

I'll start with where it all began. Around a year and a half ago while sitting in a restaurant I had, what I presume was my first anxiety attack. I felt like I was struggling to take a real breath. This latest for around an hour but subsided. The next day, I had another attack in work however this time I nearly passed out. I was taken to the hospital for checks, but the doctor came back to me and in so many words said I had a mental issue.

Fast forward around 10 months, and I broke up with my fiancée who I'd been with for over 8 years because I didn't know whether I 'loved' her anymore. At this point my anxiety didn't really have much impact on my life (at least that's what I thought).

Within a week of breaking up with her, I started seeing one of the ladies i worked with. This was just over seven months ago. After around a month of seeing each other, I started becoming completely obsessed with her. Whenever I am not with her, I obsess over what she's doing. I'm scared that she's messaging other men. Going out with other guys etc. This is made twenty times worse when she goes out to get drunk with her friends. Currently she's on holiday, and I'm really struggling to function. I've spent the past two days constantly thinking about her. Checking her snapchat location for when she was last online (worried she's talking to other guys). Logging into Facebook messenger to check last login times.

I've been working with this girl for over four years. She used to be pretty serious with some guy, but used to flirt and kiss over guys etc when we went out to works events. This leads be to believe that I know she's capable. Plus, one night she was out I had a gut feeling something was wrong, so I drove to her house. She was having a house party, and when I went in I found her doing cocaine with her ex boyfriend. I nearly broke up with her at this point, but she seemed genuinely sorry about what she did and she promised she feels nothing and that nothing happened.

The side effects of all this leads to complete lack of sleep, an unbelieveable heart beat and me pretty much shutting down socially.

Now I know what you may think, I shouldn't have started seeing this woman knowing what she's capable of. However it all just seemed to fall into place, and now I've got feelings for her stronger than I've ever had for anyone in my life.

I know that all these feelings aren't right. I shouldn't feel this way. I shouldn't be stalking her like I do. I have no idea about what to do next. How to fix this problem in my mind. I suppose I'm just looking for an honest opinion from people who suffer from the same problems.

Any recommendations for ways to move forward and try and resolve this illness would be fantastic.

Many thanks to everyone in advance.

0 likes, 2 replies

2 Replies

  • srk904471
    srk904471 john79310

    Posted

    I think you are reasonable guy..your feelings are reasonable..

    if I were in your position.. i would be as concerned you are..

    basically, we should not "fall" in love.

    relationship should be formed after evaluation duly considering our deepest aspirations and feelings.

    And even before we start a life in relationship, we should develop enough self control and maturity in ourself..

    so one's  first relationship should be with one's ownself.. there should not be addictions etc..

    we should prefer (at least I prefer) soberiety over showy behaviour..

    this glamourous behavious is temporary and does not last long..

    so 

    1.. do not think too much about her..  

    2. ask staright-forward if a thought is occuring again and again in you

    3. she should not be your only source of happiness. 

    4. have a balanced life. do exercise. attend sincerely to job.. life is multi-dimensional. if you make your life GF-centric, that too with this kind of girl, anxiety is 100% guarnateed.

    5. so seek happiness within. live a balanced life .. 

    6. in fact, that individual is best who is supremely happy within and his happiness is not dependent on others. In fact, such person is source of happiness to others.. If you are strong, you may forgive her ..

    7. so you have to form a philosophy of life.. even if she is cheating you, still you should retain balance and calm of mind.. you need not check those messenger login details again and again and nothing comes out of that..

    but definitely if you think she is not serious about you, you may review and reconsider relationship,, 

  • donna68540
    donna68540 john79310

    Posted

    It's good that you recognize that these feelings aren't healthy. She is what she is and you aren't going to change her. 

    Find something to do with other people - something on your bucket list. Maybe many things on your bucket list. Meet new people. 

    Working with someone you are in a relationship is not a good idea if you like and need  your job. Stalking her can get you into trouble. Be courteous to her at work and move on.

Back to top

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.