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I'm so depressed I don't even know what to do

I dont know what to I know I am depressed but Im telling you I cant go to the doctors and say I am please dont tell me to do that and I cant talk to someone about this its just not me. I mean I really cant!!

Im 20 years old I support myself and my mum I have been stripping for 3 years now and other things too just to provide for me and her no one else helps me. Only now i have realised how bad i have messed up my life and now my past seems to just haunt me and it will never go away i have slowed down on the drinking and taking drugs now but my depression is severe I just want to sleep all day I have so many issues and problems that no one know about and I have seemed to lost all my friends now. I have such anxiety I cant do the basic of things like talk to people properly go to the shops etc etc the only reason i could is with the drinking. I cant get a normal job because i have no confidence and even if i did it wouldnt be enough to pay all of the rent and bills myself. I feel so trapped and sometimes I blame my mum because no one at all helps me and i have had to do such things just to get by and know one knows. We cant even get benefits because my mum is in arrears with the council and now its got worse i told her ill pay it and she said no and she keeps running awayfrom her problems and now she relys on me so much but she hs no idea what i do.

Please i just dont know what to do anymore i just feel sick with myself all the time i just want this feeling to go away and forget my past but please dont tell me to talk to someone or go to the doctors because i phycially cant is there no way there are non prescription drugs that can help! please just for now

thanks

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19 Replies

  • jimmy1979 lolamun

    Hi there. Sorry to hear you're going through all of this. Unfortunately the only really good help you could get is through a health professional. It probably seems impossible at the moment but things can turn round. You are still very young and can turn things around in your life, but you should really get the best help you can. A visit to the doctor doesn't always mean you will get put on meds, they may offer talking therapy or something similar. I urge you to get help. It really will help you. Hope this helps you a bit. 

    James

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  • linda83143l lolamun

    I am so sorry your situation has gone so far, the amount of stress you are under is tremendous.

    Were you heavily into drink and drugs?

    Did you do this to help you strip, relax you, take you out of reality?

    You feel totally responsible for your mother, you are just 20. Your mother isn't being responsible to herself and you. You are NOT responsible for your mother she is old enough to cope or seek help.

    You should be enjoying your life not living under all this stress.

    In time your rent arrears will lead to eviction.

    Has your mother been spending housing benefit money?

    Be responsible for you and your actions and let your mother understand that with every action or non action there are consequences.

    Wish I could hug you, try a small step a day.

    Example one day get up, get dressed and do a small walk, watch tv, try a little step a day

    With love, hope and you can message me anytime, just click on the envelope ✉. Xx Linda

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    • lolamun linda83143l

      Yes alot of drinking about 6 days a week but yeah only to help me work but sometimes on a day off id have a drink. Drinks the only thing that made/makes me feel confident.

      I know but she makes me feel bad because she says theres nothing she can do untill she gets a job and she hasnt had one for years. And I feel like If I push her she will break down so id rather hold the stress instead of her shes 58 and I dont want anything to happen to her. 

      What happend was something messed up with our benefits and they wernt paying our landlord I think because i turned 18 and was not in education so my mum didnt want to cause them stress so this made us intentionally homeless. 

      Thank you so much for your support I didnt really know there are people out there that are nice enough to give me support I really appriciate it 

      xxx

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  • anne240 lolamun

    Well therer are no prescription drugs, only herbal supplements that you can buy over the counter that might help.  There is St John's Wort, 5HTP, Kalms, Omega 3.  Try pharmacy, chemist or a health food store.  A pharmacist or someone who works in health food store may be able to advise you. 

    I don't know what else to suggest.  Difficult if you don't want to talk to anybody.  I think it is nice to get support, perhaps from a relative or close friend.  I understand you do not like talking to people, and do not want to see a doctor, but I am not sure you can deal with this on your own. 

    Unfortunately depression is a very serious illness.  It won't just go away.  If you have true clinical depression, then you need help.  If you are depressed because of circumstances, and it is not the illness, then it may go away.  Only a doctor can diagnose if you have clinical depression, which is different to "feeling depressed." 

    Well you say please don't ask you to talk to someone or see a doctor, but what do you want us to suggest?  We will listen, and give advice, but we cannot help any more than that.  Keep posting here if it helps. 

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  • worthe lolamun

    You sound like you're having a hell of a time trying to cope with your situation on your own.  I know you said you don't want to hear it but you really need help with all this.  I'd say go to the GP to start the ball rolling with your personal issues and perhaps Citizens Advice for advice and help caring for your mother.

    Don't fight this battle alone as it'll where you out in the end.

    Sorry to come over all preachy with you but I tried to bottle up my problems for years.  Did me no good just ended up with depression, anxiety, psychosis, personality disorders and the feeling of be utterly alone.  I broke down completely and have only started to get better sinse I was forced to see someone.

    Please take care of yourself

    Worthe

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  • medxrx lolamun

    Hello Lolamum, I am so very sorry about all the problems you are dealing with, especially given you are very young and don’t have what sounds like a very strong support system.  It seems like you have the world on your shoulders and doing things for survival, and not necessarily because it is what you want to be doing.

    Mood disorders and alcohol dependence frequently co-occur. In other words, people who have substance abuse disorders as well as mental health disorders are diagnosed as having co-occurring disorders, or dual disorders.  For example, a substance use disorder includes alcohol or drug abuse, alcohol or drug dependence.

    Unfortunately, it is common for someone to reach for a drink because they want to change how they feel.  Some want to feel relaxed, some had a bad day at work, and others to celebrate, also known as social drinking.  What becomes a matter of concern is that many people drink attempt to mask anxiety or depression.

     While alcohol can have a very temporary positive impact on a person’s mood, the long term effects can cause big problems for our mental health. It’s linked to issues starting with depression, memory loss and suicide.

     Although you refuse to get some help by a medically licensed professional, I feel compelled to write this to you.  There are many people that feel as you do and unfortunately focus on drinking or drugs in order to self-medicate or to cope with affective symptoms.  You state that you function better if under the influence of alcohol.  For many the simple task of going shopping to a mall is just that, a simple task.  You need to know that your situation is not uncommon and you are not alone.

     

    We all have fears, some get weak prior to a job interview or if having to give a speech, this is usually common in people.  What you seem to describe and by no means am I making a diagnosis but rather, am giving you information based on my readings and my work as a medical exercise specialist/nutritionist. 

    Social phobia is more than just a little bit of shyness or occasional nerves.  Social anxiety disorder, where you are afraid of embarrassing yourself becomes so intense that you avoid situations that can trigger it, thus turning to alcohol or drugs to calm that fear.

    While it may seem like there’s nothing you can do about the symptoms of social anxiety disorder or social phobia, in reality, there are many things that can help. It starts with understanding the problem.

    There are a variety of ways to help ease social phobia, however, lifestyle changes alone aren’t enough to overcome social phobia or social anxiety disorder, they can support your overall treatment progress.

    I know several clients that suffered from the severe anxiety you write about, and it came close to destroying their lives in one way or another.  In their cases they were placed on a medication specifically to help their symptoms – and they turned their lives around.  Social phobia can be so debilitating and it’s awful, but what is worse is not getting properly treated.

    You seem to have been put in some bad predicaments and although you may feel as though you have destroyed your life?  You have your whole life ahead of you, and you can change it and do whatever you want to do, be whoever you would like to be but if you do not seek professional advice it could continue to lead you down the wrong path in terms of self-medicating.

    You seem to be the one that helps everyone and you are responsible of having to look after your mother as well.  You need to look after YOU, and you can do it, and there are many people here that care enough to see you through it.  I wish I could give you a magical answer and if I could find one that didn’t involve medical intervention, believe me I would let you know what it is so that you can get the help you need.

    Educating yourself can also be very helpful as there are many exercises you can do in order to help ease some of your symptoms but I hope you will help yourself by having this looked at – you do not have to live like this, you can and will get better.  Could explain why you are adamant about not getting help?  If you have concerns, please ask any questions you like, may be some of us can help put your mind at ease.

    Please let us know how you are doing,

    Big hugs coming your way, H.

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  • Redus1978 lolamun

    You have to stop putting all this pressure on yourself.  Remember you are not alone, a lot of us on here are or have been in a similar mental state to you.  I tried to avoid seeing the doc for yrs because I thought my situation/feelings were unique.  I'm not telling you to see the doc because you have to make that choice.  When I finally did they talked to me about how I was feeling and I couldn't believe how they knew how I was feeling they even described some of the thoughts I was having.  And as soon as I understood it wasn't just me I was able to help myself and get help.  

    I hope you can feel better 

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  • UK-Ven-medicate lolamun

    The key is to get help for you and your mum.

    * Is there anyone else that can help family or partners ?

    * Can you get help from your GP ?

    * Are you able to still keep your exisiting job ?

    * Where are you based ? You could get advice from your local NHS Trust  and also support groups.

    * Your worried you can't get a normal job, what skills set do you have ? PM me and I will try to help if you want with a CV or something. But this would be a step in the right direction and may help you decide what training you need and what you can do. I bet you could get another job

    * Benefits - I am not sure Why you cant get benefits cause your mums in arrears, benefits are there to help you get out of the problems. I would get an appoint ment with CAB, also let your GP know as they can report on how its effecting your health too.

    If there is anything I or anyone else can do to help you you just need to ask, but you are the Queen and in control as its your life and decisions

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  • jess50479 lolamun

    I know you said you couldnt possibly talk to someone about it and thats okay because neither could i.. If you really feel you couldn't talk then maybe you could write a letter instead? just write down all your symptoms on a peice of paper.. you don't have to tell them anything about your home life just about your mental health and physical health. However i can promise you that once you open your mouth to start talking it will be very easy and if you can hand them the letter.. Going to the doctor will mean they can perscribe you drugs to make you happy again.

    I hope you get well soon x

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  • marywarner777 lolamun

    Its very sad to hear it that at the age of 20 you are going through this situation. But the solution to this is you can keep yourself busy any hobby that you have which will give you happiness, or you can go for long holidays where you will feel better or join some meditation center. Dont just rely on antibiotics because communication has more strength than going for prescribed drugs. I know you don't want to talk with anyone but still try to open up and involve in some discussions that make you feel happy. Remove the thoughts of negativity by reading some good books or watching a funny show or movie.

    marywarner777

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  • anne240 lolamun

    I hope that people here have helped.  You can see how concerned we all are about you.  Please keep in touch with us and let us know how you are doing. 

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  • PaulJTurner1964 lolamun

    Hello Lolamun. I am an independent alcohol treatment practitioner as well as a qualified mental health nurse. I respond to posts at patient.info in the alcohol forum. As my time is limited, I can't really start trying to help people in the depression forum, but if you could post a message in the alcohol forum of send me a private message, I will respond to you. I don't want to op to receive e-mails when people post in the depression forum as well, so I may not see your reply if you respond here.

    A person who uses the alcohol forum and this depression forum pointed me in the direction of your post.

     

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  • PatchyPatchCat lolamun

    My parents got divorced and I was 8 when it happened and now I am 11. I try and find things to distract me but it is just ongoing depression and my cat is the only thing that brings me happiness. I need help and I just don't know what to do. I've tried talking to a therapist but that just made it worse. My parents have me switch off between houses and it's just overwhelming and I don't know what to do. I am also going into middle school and I lost my house and had to move in with my grand parents and I have no space anymore. My mom is having to get like three jobs and my dad lost his job. My grandma that I don't live with has cancer. Pls give me some advice.

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    • debs52 PatchyPatchCat

      Hey PatchyPatchCat,

      I don't know you but your post makes me sad. It's always easy to give advice but I don't know your whole situation so I will do my best.

      I am 52 but I know that divorce is very upsetting to young people people I was young also when my parents divorced. My children were young when I got a divorce and my grandson had to go through the same thing. It broke my heart for my children and grandson to go through that as I'm sure it breaks your mom and dad's hearts.

      Sometimes adults grow away from each other and it is impossible for them to live together.

      That doesn't mean that your parents don't still love you or want the best for you. I'm sure they love you more than ever.

      Sometimes it is better for us to talk to an adult that does not live with us or that is not family just so we can get things off our chest. It is not good to hold things in like that for long periods of a time. So maybe you should try your therapist again or a counselor at school or a church member so they can help you feel better. They can't help if you don't tell them how you feel inside.

      You mention you are having to go back and forth to moms (grandma's) and dad's. That makes you lucky because you have 2 homes to go to and 2 families to love you. Try not to be upset about that that can be a good thing if you don't fight it.

      I am so sorry about your grandma with cancer hopefully she will get better.

      I hope this does not sound like I am fussing at you or lecturing you. It is not meant that way at all if it does.

      I want to help make you feel better so this is just advice that I would give my own in a sympathetic voice.

      One more thing and again I'm not fussing but at the bottom of this forum you can click on "Start your own discussion" if you could copy what you wrote above and then click on that link then paste it there you might get more and better advice than I'm able to give you.

      God bless and have a great night.

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  • debs52 lolamun

    Dear Lolamun,

    I don't know if your still seaking help or not as the last thing posted to you was a year ago. I wanted to throw a few suggestions your way just in case.

    The herbal remedies that someone else suggested up above do help if you take them like the bottles say and don't give up on them or overdose on them.

    You could get a government grant to go back to school and so could your mom. This would help in the meantime to help pay your bills and then help you find a better job that you are more interested in and also would help your mom find a job.

    You could also start looking for a church that you would feel comfortable in that way you would have church friends and people that would help you with sincerety in their hearts.

    If your not one that can make yourself do something because you know you need to or you just need unbiased opinions then you should seek professional help to get you started in that direction. Yeah I know you said you didn't want to here that but sometimes we don't have any other options.

    You might could also look online for all the available help resources for shelter, food and utilities in your community.

    There might be some alcoholic anonymous classes that you could go to. They are suppose to be secretive and give lots of help.

    Sounds like your mom might need professional help also but I wouldn't suggest that because I don't know your whole situation.

    One more thing that might sound lame but you could check into the tiny house movement or/van dwelling online for your community. That could solve housing problems.

    Ok so I'll hush now. I just hope your okay. Wish I could be there to help you but I can't but God can.

    Have a blessed day and sending prayers your way.

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  • Helpzone lolamun

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  • roko lolamun

    Hi lolamun,

    I read your post only today. I hope you have got your life on track by now. If not don't worry I will help you in get yourself to love you for yourself. First of all, take breathe easy and relax and have faith in yourself. If you don't want to go to a health professional it is fine!. You take care of yourself and your mother, so you are strong enough to change your life to the good! Now, make a firm resolution right now at this moment to stop smoking, drinking, stripping and all the other things that lead you to being unhappy and don't ever break this resolution. Stay sober. Take up an job which pays you just enough to take care of you and your mother and most importantly which helps you to make yourself progress towards a normal life with positivity. Start small and eventually you will be the most positive person ever. Help people who are in need , like the homeless people and orphanage and old age homes. I'm sure you will get your life on track and I'm sure to see you replying to this post of yours with all the positivity that you will achieve! smile

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