I'm so lonely and have continuous negative thoughts ...

Posted , 6 users are following.

Both of my children (19 and 21) left home last Sunday and went to live in the USA.  I've been a single parent for 10 years so now I am on my own after 22 years and I feel so desparately lost and worthless like there's no point in me being here anymore, my job is done.  I work for myself at home so I don't even go out apart from taking my dog for a walk.  I suffer from chronic back pain caused by a sporting injury many years ago for which I take Morphine and on its own I can normally cope with but coupled with this desperately lonely feeling I don't know if I can make it through another day.  I've searched the internet for professional help for my situation, but there doesn't seem to be anything available.  Should I go and see my GP (who barely knows me) or does anybody have any suggestions?  I just feel like a total failure and don't know who to turn to sad

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6 Replies

  • Posted

    Your GP may help, he may not, there are good and bad ones.

    What you need to do, is try and build up a social life, to take your mind off things and keep yourself busy.

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  • Posted

    I think a typical reply would be 'go out and join clubs/groups' etc. However I don't think these kind of options are the best for someone who is depressed.

    What I have resorted to (out of lonliness) is I find people to talk to online, even if it is just a forum like this. Just so I can speak to people. In my case the doctor gave me meds that made me worse and took meds away that I needed. They were no help to me, but that's my personal experience and antidepressants are known for not always working.

    But yes, it's not much but speaking to people online (anonymously or not) makes me feel a tiny bit les lonely, especially when I comment on someone else's post who is having a hard time. It's calming to know there are people out there like me, and in this day and age all you need to do is go online and there you have it, you can interact with anyone and everyone.

    I'm sorry you are alone, I am an only child and my Mom is single and I don't think I'll be leaving home anytime soon because I don't want her to be lonely OR me. I hope it all gets better x

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  • Posted

    You are far from a failure Tracie, you have completely succeeded, you have raised your children to be confident, brave, independent and self sufficient. Yes, them leaving is awfully hard for you but it is a testament to how well you have done. You raise a child so they can make the most of their lives and survive on their own! They will not forget about you, never! Parenting is a life long job, your children are adults now but still relatively young, your work is far from over, I guarantee!

    But, I do think you need to start doing more for you. And if you're feeling lonely then a group activity may be the best way. Maybe go and volunteer in your local community, my mother joined a choir when we left home - they performed infront of princess Anne a few weeks ago and the group meet once a week for practice. She was unsure at first but once she started going she loved it. Find something you enjoy and just immerse yourself in it. 

    As for seeing your GP, I think you should. I was terrified to go and see my doctor but, they deal with these things every day. It's their job and they are so supportive and empathetic. Maybe ask the surgery if there is a GP who specialises in mental health? Also, maybe go for a female GP as they will be extra sensitive and understanding to your situation. (through my own experience but obviously male GPs are wonderful too).

    Good luck Tracie, you are not a failure in any sense of the word, you deserve happiness and you just need a little bit of support getting there x

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  • Posted

    Hi Tracie

    Chilren leave the nest but they always come back. Its your turn now. I have been on my own for about 3 years now It was hard at first but i play Bridge regulary do volunteer work with homeless people 1 day a week i try to walk every 2nd day. I see my son & his family every 2 weeks but dont see my daughter a lot she lives 2 1/2hrs away so see her p[robably every 2 months. Do you have facebook or skype to stay in touch regularly. If not get it if you can afford too, for peace of mind. When I travel i talk on facebook to my kids all the time. But start doing things you have always wanted to do but couldnt. Its hard when you have put your whole life into your children and then they leave home and harder when they move to another country. I suffer depression and anziety but when i am well i get out and about because i get lonely even if its to the local coffee shop or shopping centre to just be around people I try to keep busy and do something every day. Go out and meet new friends and old ones. This is the best time of our life dont waste it, and your kids will be happy your coping and wont feel bad leaving and will know they can always come home if needed. Love yourself.

    Life is so good Cheers

     

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  • Posted

    Hi Tracie, 

    Firstly you'll be a parent til you die, just because they don't live with you any more doesn't mean they don't need you; your job won't ever be done. As for worthless, if you are good parent you are worth your weight in gold as so many of us on here who didn't have that will testify. 

    Yes do start adding things to your life, you know it makes sense to meet new people and do things you enjoy, but that is a long term strategy, and might not pay dividends fast enough to help you right now. 

    I was wondering if you might find something like child mentoring, or short term fostering rewarding. You obviously have the skills, and there are so many vulnerable children who need someone like you. It would also bring you into contact with adults and kick-start your network and self-esteem. If that seems a big commitment, how about volunteering at a youth group to start with?

    For now, though, do go to see your GP. I would say that the way you're feeling is a completely natural reaction to your children leaving, which is similar to a bereavement, but your doctor might have some suggestions for getting through this initial painful period. Your doctor might also want to check in with you every so often to make sure it's not turning into depression. If your GP is unhelpful don't give up, change your GP. Sometimes even a different GP at the same practice can have completely different views. 

    So, don't confuse loneliness with failure, it's really really painful, but you've raised two children on your own, so you're strong enough to get through it, and in time your life will be full again. 

     

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    • Posted

      Thank you Claudia for your kind words which have lifted my spirits this morning.  I will make an appointment with my GP, maybe ask to see a female one and then go from there.  I really appreciate you taking the time to reply to my post, thank you again.  Tracie.
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