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I'm so tired of living, both mentally and physically; I just don't care anymore.

Posted , 3 users are following.

unimportant01
unimportant01

I know that at my age I should be enjoying the best years of my life, preparing for high school, hanging out with friends, etc. (I'm 13 btw). Yes I get that I'm very young, but I'm just so tired of living another day... All that comes with a new day is more disappointment, more pain and everything just seems to rest on my shoulders, kind of like Atlas the Titan who had to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders.

I suppose that I should elaborate. You might assume that currently my life revolves around my family, my studies, and my social life. Well, regarding my family, I don't get along well with my mother. We're totally different: My mom needs to feel powerful, is dominant, is a generally negative person (by that I mean she assumes the worst out of everything, and most of the time she only sees the worst in people), and she's the one who's talking. I am milder, my temperament and emotions are in control ( I had learned it years ago; yet now it's slowly breaking me to have people assume I don't have emotions at all), I see both the good and the bad and try to focus on the good, and I am a listener. Well, obviously I have my own opinions too; but Mom never listens. Well, I'd also like to say that she isn't like this with my two younger siblings. Maybe she just hates me, I guess (I have been told several times that I'm not worth her time). I can't stop thinking about what a perfect family mine would be if I weren't there.

As for my studies, I'm barely holding on. My grades are fairly good, but this year I have to both prepare applying for high school (I'm planning to study abroad) and keep up my good grades. Add that with the pressure from my family, and I'm done. Most of the kids at my school have to fight tooth and nail to get a good grade, so I'm kind of biting more than I can chew.

I honestly don't know what to do now. I'm just so tired. Life doesn't seem worth living anymore. My mother's hurtful words keeps haunting me and all my emotions are bottled up painfully. I've tried having a heart-to-heart with (one or both) my parents for a long time, but they never seem to take my struggles seriously. Right now I feel so alone, cause nobody is there for me. It's so cold most of the time. I just don't want to try once more anymore. Everything doesn't seem to have a point.

1 like, 2 replies

2 Replies

  • diane98246
    diane98246 unimportant01

    Posted

    Dear unimportant . . . first off your mother sounds completely toxic for you and getting away from her will probably have a big effect on your state of mind, save of course the fact that she has now embedded herself in your psyche. I suggest a therapy/medication combination for your depression if that's do-able.

    Good luck and please know that you're a very articulate and intelligent person who's value and worth is obvious from your writing. If anything, you seem more special and more important than average. But you need to save yourself from a family life that is damaging you and destroying your self esteem.

    I think this studying abroad sounds like just what you need.

    It seems life has singled you out to be one of us who has to discover our self worth by leaving our family behind.

  • Tammytherareone
    Tammytherareone unimportant01

    Posted

    I'm so sorry you feel this way at your age, you are so young, and it's important you get the support you need.

    From what you've stated above and the way you've written it shows you are a very smart young person and you have great potential for the future..

    Have you talked to anyone and thought about going to a doctor to discuss how you feel?

    Have you got anything in your life that you enjoy doing? Anything you are good at?

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