Posted , 5 users are following.
I have been taking codeine for 5 or so years now since injury
After a while I was prescribed fluoxetine also as I became depressed
I am married, 2 teens, self employed with a physically demanding, dangerous outside job.
I was able to pick up repeat prescriptions at will and the codeine was starting to loose it's efficacy, so I popped more, then I topped them up with otc meds, before I knew it I was on about 600mg per day with paracetamol and ibuprofen, I practiced cold water extraction when I needed to also,
I eventually was persuaded to ask for help, and I got it from my local drug and alcohol centre, I was given 1-1 counselling and eventually asked "so how do I get off this stuff?" Before I knew what was happening I was on a lefoxedine programme, it took a week, and I worked that week, which was hell, I had to keep pulling over at the side of the road to sleep.
It only took me a week (in pain) to request a repeat prescription, I didn't know if I would get it? And sure enough it was there! I thought I could use responsibly!
2 years on and using daily, a lot of pills!
I decided to seek help again, only this time, due to money restrictions in the service or something I was turned away, I was told to go back to my GP
Which I did, and he has been great, as far as dealing with the med side, but I keep hitting brick walls when trying to find support for the addictive monster in me (oh I should mention at this point I have had a history with coke and speed and canabis all of which I kicked on my own)
I have been reducing, I got down to the prescribed 8x30mg codeine tabs a day, although I was still buying OTC top ups, and I decided I needed to get off them all before winter, (I'd never be able to do it in the winter months) so I started a 2 week reduction, it went ok, until the last 4 days, then I started to feel it and panicked, I am still working at this time, I took the last one on Tuesday 2nd sept,( I had some spare, just in case, that no one knows about)
I went to see the doc Thursday 4th, he looked at me and was wanting to put me back on a low dose, I didn't want to, as I was afraid I would just return to old habits, so I asked for Valium for a week to help me through, he agreed to this, they took a bit of the edge off but my body was screaming for the codeine, I remember there was a whole 15min that day that I didn't think of codeine!
I took 1 30mg on Thursday night as I was really struggling and wanted to sleep, I took 3 solpedine max on Friday 500/12.8 paracetamol/codeine, on Friday night, I ordered some katrum of the internet, as I had seen forums claiming this helps, I was hoping it would arrive Saturday, it didn't!
I had a big row with my wife Saturday and walked out, I went to a safe place, I have a small caravan and started composing a suicide letter. Then fell asleep due to the diazepam and emotional fatigue.
My wife contacted me and asked me to come back for tea, I did, I cried pretty much non stop all evening, told her I had suicidal thoughts, she wants me to go and see the doc on Monday (tomorrow) to go back on codeine!
I took another 30mg last night,
Should I throw the rest away? Am I just prolonging my agony? Or am I not ready to get off? Have I jeopardised my recovery with the few I have taken? I'm really confused and desperately sad.
Struggling with withdrawal
It's like my days are a physical and psychological torture, I want to take pills soooo bad, cos everything would be "normal" again and I am not sure I'm strong enough to endure this.
The scariest thing is, after the physical withdrawal abates, the mental torture will carry on, for weeks? Months? Who knows?
It would be so much easier to pop pills, but I can't be a Slave to them forever and if I can't do it now, I'll never go through it in winter I haven't got any external help, but I have a pragmatic helpful doc who will do what he can to help.
Sorry this post is so long
And I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read it
Any advice would be appreciated, cos I feel so alone.
0 likes, 16 replies