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I'll try and write this down as briefly as possible. Any further information may always be demanded, I'll try my best to answer it as good as I can.
17 years old, male, Belgium
Basically, I've been suffering from depression, feeling worthless, feeling stupid when I don't know something I believe I should know, easily forgetting stuff, being stressed out all the time, always think people are judging me, lacking serious confidence, and so on. I think I finally believe what my problem is: depersonalization. All the symptoms are so, so recognizeable. While I'm glad that I think I found what has been bugging me, I can't help but wonder how it did. Most likely, so they say, it occurs due to a trauma. Well... Years ago my father attempted suicide, blaming my mother for everything. He lived, thanks to my mother (keep this in mind), but still curses her for everything she does, while she is a good mother. This had a very high impact on me and my sister... My sister suffers from heavy social anxiety. Could this be because of this? And what about me? The same? Or is it much more complicated?
I hope to solve this soon... Couple of years ago, I was good with girls, talked to lots of them, hung out with them, etc. Now I only chill with a few of them, because I seriously lack the confidence to talk to anyone. I mean - I can talk to strangers, that's no problem, both male and female, but when it comes to more than just friends, I think they'll automatically reject me and that I am, in fact, a worthless person. What I also do is constantly question how I'm feeling. Do I feel good? Do I feel bad? And why is that? Do I feel better than that moment last week? Or not? I also keep contemplating life, strangely. My mind is so busy with so many things that I have serious problems studying and remembering important things. I could really use some advice... I even thought of suicide in the past, it was that bad. I keep focussing on bad thoughts and hardly ever am able to let positive thoughts in. Any help would be very very welcome...
Thank you very much to all of you for reading this, really, thank you
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