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I'm suffering from multiple things... Any help would be appreciated

Posted , 4 users are following.

ARandomPerson
ARandomPerson

I'll try and write this down as briefly as possible. Any further information may always be demanded, I'll try my best to answer it as good as I can.

17 years old, male, Belgium

Basically, I've been suffering from depression, feeling worthless, feeling stupid when I don't know something I believe I should know, easily forgetting stuff, being stressed out all the time, always think people are judging me, lacking serious confidence, and so on. I think I finally believe what my problem is: depersonalization. All the symptoms are so, so recognizeable. While I'm glad that I think I found what has been bugging me, I can't help but wonder how it did. Most likely, so they say, it occurs due to a trauma. Well... Years ago my father attempted suicide, blaming my mother for everything. He lived, thanks to my mother (keep this in mind), but still curses her for everything she does, while she is a good mother. This had a very high impact on me and my sister... My sister suffers from heavy social anxiety. Could this be because of this? And what about me? The same? Or is it much more complicated?

I hope to solve this soon... Couple of years ago, I was good with girls, talked to lots of them, hung out with them, etc. Now I only chill with a few of them, because I seriously lack the confidence to talk to anyone. I mean - I can talk to strangers, that's no problem, both male and female, but when it comes to more than just friends, I think they'll automatically reject me and that I am, in fact, a worthless person. What I also do is constantly question how I'm feeling. Do I feel good? Do I feel bad? And why is that? Do I feel better than that moment last week? Or not? I also keep contemplating life, strangely. My mind is so busy with so many things that I have serious problems studying and remembering important things. I could really use some advice... I even thought of suicide in the past, it was that bad. I keep focussing on bad thoughts and hardly ever am able to let positive thoughts in. Any help would be very very welcome...

Thank you very much to all of you for reading this, really, thank you

0 likes, 7 replies

7 Replies

  • Feletan
    Feletan ARandomPerson

    Posted

    Sounds a little bit like depression but useally in teenagers if comes out as anger. Traumatic events that happen when your younger useally effect you later in life but not when your a kid and thats because when your younger you dont know how to deal with it emotionally. The good thing is your young and you have realized something might be wrong you should write down every about how you feel get your mum and go to the docotors and tell him all Bout this so you can work towards getting better. You might just have a social disorder. Either way you should go spend more time with your the friends you do have. Tell your mum. Write it all down and go see a doctor.
  • Feletan
    Feletan ARandomPerson

    Posted

    Id also like to say suicidal tendencies shouldnt be taken lightly past or present. Go seek real help
  • ARandomPerson
    ARandomPerson

    Posted

    Thank you Feletan. Any more answers are also greatly appreciated
  • linda83143l
    linda83143l ARandomPerson

    Posted

    Forgive me for asking but do you feel any way

    responsible for your fathers suicide attempt?

    Is it around this time that your confidence started to wain?

    Were you close to your father?

    You must have had a horrific time with your father trying to kill himself and then being cruel to your mother. A very frightening time.

    This has affected your sister also.

    Can you talk to your sister?

    Try and keep positive thoughts.

    Every day write down something good about yourself. Even write down your kindness to others

    Positive thinking is important. Things tend to follow on after this.

    Keep posting xx

    • ARandomPerson
      ARandomPerson linda83143l

      Posted

      Thanks so much for answering.

      No, I don't really feel responsible for his attempt. I don't think so... My confidence only started to wain a year or two later, that's why I was unsure why this could've happened. Aside from some kids (not much, but I can't stand it when people dislike me, even if it's just 1 person) that despised me, I can't think of anything really bad, aside from my dad's continous attempts to destroy our lives.

      I forgot to mention that my dad also tends to make absurd claims. He keeps telling everyone that my mother tells us we're not allowed to go see him, and that we really want to visit him. Which is untrue. But if we tell him that, he'll say my mom brainwashed us. Endless circle... He truly needs help. But if he persists to think that my caring mother is the problem, he might be beyond all help.

      Right now, I'm sort of having a fight with my sister. Nothing too serious, though. Just some bro and sis fussing. But we tend to hang and talk sometimes, yeah. Mostly we can have fun too, we laugh about the same stupid things, etc.

      I will try and write down the positive things as you mentioned.

      Kind regards and thanks again for caring

      Kian

  • gillian20097
    gillian20097 ARandomPerson

    Posted

    Hello.

    Firstly let me say that everything you are saying is not weird or uncommon. In fact,all you have said I have read a hundred times on these forums. I hope that puts your mind at rest a little. I think you have anxiety and depression. The feelings of not thinking you are good enough,that you are stupid and worthless are all sure signs of depression. The depersonalisation is also very common with both anxiety and depression,I suffer quite badly with it

    I am very much with Linda in thinking that the trauma of your fathers actions and all the feelings you where probably dealing with at that time could very well be a contributing factor to how you feel today. 

    I have a theory. I could be wrong.

    Ok so..the reason I am still here is because I would never ever want my son to go through life thinking that he wasn't good enough for me to stick around for..I never want him to feel he wasn't worth the fight!!!!

    Do you think that maybe you feel worthless because you dad tried to take his life which maybe I your young mind made you feel you weren't loved enough for him to want to stick around for???

    Also the fact that your sis has effected your sis also could mean that you both grew up without very much confidence for whatever reason.

    I think you could both work together on this...and I think the start so that is building your self esteem.

    Your Dad made a choice many years ago but that choice was made while he was unstable and desperate, I think you could start by letting go of any anger you feel towards him and forgive him. His bitterness towards your mum is something he will have to deal with...if he wants to hold on to that emotion...it's his problem..don't make it yours.

    I feel that you and your sis now need to make a pact to put the past behind you and live the life you both deserve. Your life has been mixed about a bit but you are not damaged. Anxiety and depression are very fixable if you dedicate yourself to recovery   Xxx

    • linda83143l
      linda83143l gillian20097

      Posted

      I fully support what Gillian has said.

      You and your Sis - build a new start.

      Let go of any bitterness, unhappiness.

      Your father is the one here with the problems.

      When I say forgive it doesn't mean you have to have contact with your father.

      You and your sister have been through a lot.

      Let it go and you will be able to move forward together.

      Together you can grow stronger and build

      confidence and a new start.

      You will get there.. Honest.

      Xx

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