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I'm terrified

Posted , 3 users are following.

bethmariexx
bethmariexx

Its now exactly a month until surgery and I am struggling to stay optimistic sad I have been struggling to do anything I am constantly worried, it's led to me quitting all my sports and the only comfort I seem to find is in music. Being only 14 is extremely hard as all my friends are just as worried as I am and as the date is dawning there's just a depressing feeling I can't seem to get rid of. A part of me is telling me to live life to the fullest but everything seems to make me feel emotional. I am currenltly doing some GCSEs early so revision is taking up most of my time but it's at night where i'm worrying myself. Please does anyone have any advice as this isn't me, I am normally so bubbly and I feel like i'm loosing myself. I'd be so grateful as I have honestly never felt so alone x

0 likes, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • DebsFCUM
    DebsFCUM bethmariexx

    Posted

    Hi Beth,

    I know how you are feeling as I am due to have my 2nd op in July on my left ear (I had the cholesteatoma removed in my right ear in January). You will be absolutely fine. It isn't as painful as what I thought it would be. It's necessary you have the op to get rid of the disease. Please don't worry. 

    Debs

  • Court_Jester
    Court_Jester bethmariexx

    Posted

    Oh Beth, I do feel your pain and anxiety!  

    What you're going through is quite normal.  Of course you feel fear.  Who wouldn't?  Especially at 14 years of age.  I would be absolutely 'packing it' too!  BUT ... at least I'd know something was being done to help my condition.  Try to think positive ... you're scared!  OK!  Go with it.  Don't feel ashamed.  Voice your fear and ask for reassurance.  When I was 10 years old, I had surgery on my left eye to 'cure' a strabismus [turned in eye]. The surgeon described how he would cut the muscle on the left of that eye to pull the eye straight.  I had both eyes bandaged for 10 days.  I was so frightened when my parents went home, I buried my head into my pillow and started to cry as softly as possible.  A courageous little girl in the next bed was my salvation.  Such a wonderful child.  She'd been crippled [I think by Polio] and movement for her was very difficult.  Her parents were home in the country, so she had no visitors at all.  Nothing stopped her.  She was a bright little spark who shared joy and mischief with all her companions.  Somehow my problems seemed like nothing in comparison with hers.  We got into so much mischief together, my 10 days of 'blindness' flew by.

    I hope so much you will find someone like that to help support you through your ordeal.  Try to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  You need to know that your cholesteatoma can be got rid of,  You're not the first person to have this surgery.  Trust your surgeon to free you of the disease.  I've been waiting over 6 months, for my surgery, and my GP has told me he's tried three ENT surgeons so far, and none will accept a 'public' patient.  I'm now waiting to find one who'll accept my payment of the 'gap' fee, if only to discover just how much damage has been done and whether I actually need surgery.  I'm scared too ... because I'm 78 years old, and not sure if I'll live long enough to be freed of this disease.

    Be assured that many people will be hoping and praying for you.  Trust your surgeon ... he knows what he's doing.

    Much love to you!

  • zoby68
    zoby68 bethmariexx

    Posted

    Hi bethmarie, I'm so sorry you feel so isolated and frightened

    especially as you should be concentrating on your exams.

    I'm still

    waiting for a date for surgery but have been told my jaw bone

    has been eaten away so maxillio facial ( dental surgeons ) will have to operate after the ENT's have finished to bone graft my jaw amongst a few other complications like a 2nd cholesteatoma found on Tuesday and a strange shadowing on the CT where myjaw should be, none of which news I was expecting

    I feel strangely calm at the moment but have moments of panic but I know surgery is the best thing in the long run because living in pain is not fun. The chance of having a few weeks healing as opposed to a lifetime of ear and jaw pain has got to be worth it for me anyway.

    It's ok to be scared your not a bad person for fearing surgery it's a big deal, you're definitely not alone but what has to be done

    has to be done. I'm still planning to go to Morocco in October and Paris to see Foo Fighters with my daughters in November I will not let this thing own me. Good luck with your op and exams

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