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I don't know where to start... I guess from the beginning although not sure that was the beginning. About 10 years ago I was prescribed a very low dose of anti-depressants which I stayed on for a long long time. During those years, I had two kids and suffered from post-partum however; my medication was never modified. I've been married for 8 years and unhappy for about 7. Im co-dépendant and have been single for about 30 days in the last 20 years. I stay in relationships years after I figure out it won't work to avoid being alone. This relationship took longer for me to get to that point but I'm there. In October 2015, I met a guy at work who was also in an unhappy relationship. We both left our spouses and fell HARD for each other. We bought tonight we were the ONE for each other but he had issues with his ex which he was unable to handle in a healthy way so he abandonned me suddenly. Having faked being ok for 7-8 years wasn't going to work anymore. Having my hopes and dreams dashed by this man I thought would be he love of my life was the last straw. I completely crashed and admitted myself to the hospital because i was extremely suicidal and I didn't want to leave my kids without a mom. I was hospitalized for two months while my new doc attempted to stabilize mess and I even had shock treatments. Two months later I returned to work where that guy continued to work. I was stable and it didn't hurt me to see him however he came back in my life and it went from 0-100 in days. Of course, as I should have expected, he became irrational and walked away. Having to work with him is extremely painful and even though we haven't had contact in about a year other than seeing each other, I feel stuck cause I think about him all the time and it hurts. Last night I found out that he is dating my clerk! I was devastated. I am so sad and tired of being sad. I'm to the point that taking my life seems like a good idea. I can't keep feeling bad all the time. I can't keep feeling hopeless and helpless forever. I've given all I've got to try to live a normal life but the major depression and negative feelings are always near. At this point the only reason I don't take my life is my fear that I will survive and have long lasting effects. I feel so lonely and like no one cares that I'm in such a state. People care but really don't understand what goes on in my head. I just want to crawl out of my skin.
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