I'm tired of life, with little reason, not dramatic - just 'done'...

I've never replied to any of these but when I read yours I felt like I was reading exactly what I would have written. Even your replies were identical - right down to researching HFAS - just out of interest. I'm sorry if I step on toes; I'm actually just blurbing my thoughts after reading your post as a way of processing my own thoughts really. I'm always open to learning new things but I always end up at the same pointless reasoning you speak about. I have tried talking to people and therapists and whenever I get to the topic of the point of life no one seems to prove to me otherwise that life is inevitably pointless. I would love to just slink into the background and disappear, preferably in a way that doesn't hurt my bf, family or friends. I have also felt like a type of burden on them. I also have the exact same cycle with jobs, friends etc. I tried medication with the exact same result. I took myself off them after awhile. And I'm in this state for absolute no reason at all; well no conventional reason any way. 

 

The thing that caught my attention though about your post was your people-pleasing habit. I feel like the "reason" may actually lie in that habit. I have the exact same thing; the easy-going casual confidence. I actually let myself go for so long at one point that I got chronic fatigue and ended up in a nursing home for 3 months because i was physcially so tired. After i recovered I thought it was caused by my lack of personal boundaries and inability to say no to people always needing me (which is a people-pleasing trait) but years later i realise that its deeper than that. People pleasing is the cause for all this depression and pointlessness (however, not the root cause) 

Think about it, I know you will because, like me, we over-think everything. It's why we are so good at people pleasing. When you think so much, you're fully aware of other people's needs at all times so you get good at knowing what the "right thing" is to say or portray and everybody loves the 'cool, calm and collected folk'. This all gets very tiring for people like us though because essentially that is not who you are in essence. (I'm actually quite socially anxious, I get panicky over small things etc) Everytime you do that you're pushing yourself down to please others. (I do seem to find happiness in pleasing others but this is temporary and tiring and feeding a habit). Finding out the real reason for why you do that is key to possibly lessening the depression. I think the reasons differ for each individual. Whether it be self-worth issues, lack of confidence, learnt behaviour from parents/society, habitual/addictive behaviour. (those are the root-causes) Why do you like to people-please? What is the real reason. I think we know all these answers when we're honest deep-down but if not, the answers uncover themselves when we ask ourselves these questions repeatedly.

Life is pointless when you're not living it the way you want to be or living it the way that feeds you and stimulates you appropriately. Living life for everyone else is incredibly tiring leaving you with no energy to be bothered to live life for you. You're literally not fulfilling yourself..leaving yourself empty, without purpose...aka: pointless.

Knowing the root causes for why you people-please might give you an indication of what behaviours you need to change to ease the depression/negative thinking. Now, the problem I have with this is: "ok that's the reason/diagnosis/definition etc etc but what if this habit of people-pleasing and way of thinking is so ingrained that this pointless perspective I have is just who I really am?" Then what? This kinda thinking is actually just rooted in the fact that I just over-think too much and it is in this instance that it is not serving me, it's not fulfilling me and if i want to get better then I have to stop that kind of thinking. If a habit is not serving you, stop and do the opposite. Obviously that's said easier than actually being done. I am a thinker and with that I can reason anything to make logical sense and I am in need of being constantly stimulated. (It sounds like you have the same ability which can also be our own 'disability'?) I can rationalise anything and anything results in pointlessness. And if that type of thinking is who I am then I need to accept it but not let it limit me. 

But at the end of the day..these are all layers that need to be realised and then peeled back over time. For me, the severe lack of confidence, comparing myself to others with a perfectionist/idealist view and lacking pupose is what drives me to people-please and also makes me feel like a burden on others and ultimately feel like there is no point to life. 

I think there are a few small-impact but effective steps to take that will slowly adjust your thinking that you're being a burden to others, depression & physical/mental tiredness. Eat well, sleep well and excercise. take natural seratonin. This is not the solution but it helps in the background while you're sorting out the more important issues. It's impossible to feel the way you do without reason. There has to be a reason. Yours is not the conventional reason of PTS, loss, finance, family disruption etc. Your reason will be something else that you have to ask yourself honestly and start fixing and building or healing that part of you. 

Then to help the mental stimulation; do something that makes you and only you feel good on the inside. Keep yourself positively stimulated, do things that you'll be good at. It builds confidence and purpose over time. Usually helping others does the trick. or researching the things that genuinly interest you. Find activities that direct your over-thinking to something that's more productive for you. Surround yourself with people who think/talk like you that support you and build you back up. In this process you'll find who you are again, find that person that has been supressed in the process of people-pleasing. Surround yourself only with people who know that you lack self-confidence so they can build you up. Life is about relationships after all. (showing my bf how anxious i really was as a person was such a relief because he responded with "i already know that's who you are, tell me how I can help you" So instead of people-pleasing and connecting with everyone else on their level rather do things that re-connect yourself to you. You're tired because you've depleted yourself, put yourself down by saying you are a burden to others, said yes to others and no to yourself...that is tiring and so you need help to re-build youself up. live a fulfilling life like how you want it. 

I hope that helps in someway. Your post has helped me realise a few things and reminded me that I'm doing the right thing for me at this point in my life..and I mean this in the most unselfish way but more of a survival and self-sustaining kinda way. Don't let yourself get so physically tired like i did, Chronic fatigue took 2 years of my life to recover. Re-energise slowly by making a few minor adjustments to thought processes and self-fulfillment. 

I would like to know what you think about what i've said just in case I'm completey off-track and really need to re-evaluate my perspectives again.

Cheers,

Kelly.

p.s. From personal experience only: admitting you are depressed for no apparent reason helps and start the journey of finding the reason that has caused it. One is depressed because they have suppressed oneself and not fulfilled one's true self-expression. I don't think this requires meds but just incorportaing more self-expression rather than self-depression. Find ways to build up that confidence

Is it the "un"urge to cure a bad mood. Cuz that's just what is. ? The ability to recognize genuine haPpiness yet it varies little from anger or any other mood. ..just is. Existing is annoying at times even? Thisiknow...i make myself come out of it by challenging myself to be"normal" ...we are all the small cog in a big infinite universe. .don't relate. Explain. ......

Thank you for your post. You write my own thoughts. Almost word for word.

1. Strong sense of fatigue.

2. Middling to poor social relationships. Sometimes none.

3. Best relationship with the dog. (He's a very nice dog)

4. Career/work not what I believe it should be.

5. From outside appearances, all appears functional and normal.

Either I'm overstimulated from everybody or depressed. Tried counselling and meds, but counselling indicates issues are normal part of life and I'm managing them and meds just make me sleepy (they did lower anxiety, I suppose), so I stopped.

I'd gladly take a year off and go for a walkabout. But no way (ethically) because I support two (nearly grown, but still needy) daughters a wife and ex-wife.

Should I turn off my ethical guidance?

Probably not.

I think I keep coming back to the same answers.

The skydiving therapy does spark my interest, however.

 

does anyone know where i can find a real person to talk to with these views ?

online expert chat only.....i dont want the thoughts of well wishers i want a definitive answer 

kind regards Gary

I'm glad, in a way, that someone else feels the same as I do.

No reason for it. It's just the way things seem to be. Definitely don't see how one can change something so fundamental.

pretty much feel like that although I used to be very outgoing i now live with a girl who is constantly angry at me all the time we have been together 8 years and now have a 4 month old baby I find the more I try to put things right an do things for her the more she gives it me I feel like leaving her and would of if it wasn't for my baby I don't no what to do for the best any more because of all this I now feel like what's the point in doing any thing I get up go work come home get shouted at go bed get up go work what a life some one kill me😂😂

I found your artical very interesting I have given up with life. I found that no one notice that I am around. I am always overlooked for any job oppertunities within companies. The system has failed me. I will be giving up I have not future anywhere even though I have experiances and qualifications to do a lot of work. I have given up as I will never get anywhere in life. It does not matter how hard I work or what ever I try never seems to get me anywhere. 

So has anyone got any ideas to give up completely on life and everything without getting noticed. 

you don't realize how powerful you are . you don't realize your meaning in the world, you probably don't believe but you can change the world if you want to , just live your life extraordinarily set goals, go outside and talk to a stranger make his life different, if you can't do anything just start living and existing for others , take a certain amount of your timea nd make all your dreaams come true <3 even your childish ones, you are special and individual if you wanted you could change those people's lifes who are really desparate and are starving and homeless and need real support and love, just give it to them and you'll be happy trust me . i love you and i believe in you even="" your="" childish="" ones,="" you="" are="" special="" and="" individual="" if="" you="" wanted="" you="" could="" change="" those="" people's="" lifes="" who="" are="" really="" desparate="" and="" are="" starving="" and="" homeless="" and="" need="" real="" support="" and="" love,="" just="" give="" it="" to="" them="" and="" you'll="" be="" happy="" trust="" me="" .="" i="" love="" you="" and="" i="" believe="" in="">

and don't be stisfied with one thing like teaching in that case , do everything funny interesting , something deep and authentic, something worthy of living <3 >

Hey, umm I usually never give advice because I'm thirteen and you'll probably never get around to teading this but I felt that this needed to be said so I signed up for patient and decided to write this. I don't even think any human has ever actually benefited the planet, I dont mean the people but Earth as a whole and don't ever give up just because your struggle may seem hopeless at times just perseve and try and believe you can help do something that will help our planet. Now, no offense to you if you're Christian but I'm not going to drop a load of bs on God because I really don't believe that has ever benefitted anybody, but trust me I know how forsaken and just barren life can be and how sometimes people can make it worse but just remember that even I, a random stranger you'll probably never see or hear about wants you to be happy and see that brighter side of life that exists and that you should try to help other people that feel this same way as you so nobody could feel this way, and this sentence is horribly written and is way too long, but please don't ever give up. I really believe in you dude you can pull through so, umm I guess just pull through and help this world and help those around you and you'll see how people will smile and react to your caring influence. Best of luck my unknown friend!

Well, this is not a follow up to anything, but a question. How do you bring yourself to believe that your life still has any purpose at 60, when you can't feel anything,  There have been so many roadblocks to all your goals and dreams, that you just say, why try?  There is not one single human being that actually gets any of what I experience, everyone is a minimizer, suck it up is the advice, so why even try, why get out of bed and try.  Faking is hard work and it deplets you.  Where to go from here?????

 

You've couldn't have said it any better same here I'm just tired

i know this is old, and probably won't be seen, but a desperate google search found this and i don't know if i've ever related to anything more. of course, i say that to everything, but i think i mean it. i always feel so tired. i never really feel anything. i love my gf, and shes amazing, but nothing helps when i'm alone and feeling worthless. i messed up a huge opportunity that i just got, and now i'm forced to back down a level from what im used to, and i feel like a huge failure. i don't know what i want to do, i don't have any plans, the summer is coming up, and i have to make some huge decisions that i'm really scared of. the only thing i can think of to say to you is that if you have helped somebody, they will be happy to support you. if you have helped anyone at all, ever, you have more worth than you could ever imagine. you helped me, right here, so there you go. you're probably still going to be tired, and feeling like a burden, but you have to pretend to enjoy things, and eventually, you will.