I'm tired of life, with little reason, not dramatic - just 'done'...

Dear Tired,The feelings may never go away completly .No amount of positive confession,denial,scriptures or affirmations can stop the feelings felt through our own thoughts .Our minds really know how to get the best of us.Its no fun living with the flaws weve been dealt with to survive this life.Sometimes suicide seems like an answer even if we know we wouldnt go through with it.To not exist seems comforting.If you have reached that place of being tired then it shows growth and could be a good place to be.Go to the next step and and recognize you can be happy"there is no way to happiness happiness is the way".We are not our thoughts and dont have to be yanked around by them.It is my hope you become free.

I get it. Everything and nothing all at the same time. Always a positive influence with no lasting affect. Guilty because you have more than most. Everything everyone says you've already heard or know. Just want not to be tired.

I've just signed up for this forum and came across your post which I see is from over a year ago, Wow... How it resonated with me, you have put into words what I have felt for years but have never been able to fully express to anyone (family and freinds just don't seem to get it). It's not to say that I'm never happy or that I am miserable all day every day, those fleeting "happy moments" do grace me with their presence now and again, my problem is that I feel undeserving of being happy. I push the people that care for me away (the whole being a burden aspect) and in my experience there is ultimately going to be some or other disappointment and I am not emotionally equipped to deal with constant disappointments. I am not an emotional person, no typical tears and break downs... Instead, I bottle EVERYTHING up, push people away and end up hurting the ones that care for me (my family, friends, ex-boyfriends), I've become a bit of a loner because I feel I don't want to pull other people into the silent mess I feel I have become. My mind works over-time, 24/7, I over-think and over-analyze everything and I beat myself up for being... Me.

I was dating someone, we were together for 3 years and as much as he drove me crazy, I managed to open myself up and fall hopelessly in love... But as the story goes, I always felt he was too good for me. Over the duration of the 3 years, I sabotaged my own happiness, picked unnecessary fights and ultimately pushed him away, or forced him to leave should I say. Family and friends are always so willing to offer their support and be a shoulder to cry on etc but I slap that fake smile on and pretend I am just fine (fake it till you make it).

The past couple of months I have been going out with friends, trying to get some semblance of "normality" back and on a handful of those occassions I ended up having a bit too much to drink. It almost feels as if there is this other person inside of me that comes, I'm fun and jovial, loveable and flirtatious (obviously the lowering of inhibitions), I dance and drink and have a relatively good time. The problem is that I then wake up the next day with a bit of memory loss and assume I've embarrassed myself to the highest degree, spend a week or 2 thereafter beating myself up for being so stupid and wishing the world would swallow me up.

Everything just feels like a vicious cycle and I've put myself on auto pilot, just going through the motions from day to day and not really living despite the fact that I am alive.

I can relate hun

I am not entirely happy and sometimes I feel as if things will never improve get better for me and for my 32 year old son

I don't have any friends not one and to be honest I don't really care and I don't need friends

I'm no professional but I will tell you this...

Before you can be completely content and happy with yourself you have to love yourself first and I haven't always loved myself and that goes for being in a relationship as well

Before you can truly love someone you have to love yourself and be content with yourself as well

i am 52 years old and for years I've felt worthless and so unhappy

I'm not entirely happy but I've accepted life for the way it is

No one can make you happy til you make yourself happy does that make sense?

I have daughters I don't see nor talk to anymore and why?

My youngest daughter has wished me dead and has threatened to hurt me and why?

She is mentally retarded and bi polar that does not excuse her actions

My other daughter the last time I saw her was about 4-5 years ago she was in a mental hospital for being emotionally and mentally disturbed

And I was good to my kids and use to blame myself but realized it wasn't my fault

I wish you the best and will keep you in my prayers ok

I know how you feel - just tired of it all - don't know what to say apart from I'm the same.  

I can't help but identify with this, to a bizarre proximity, to the point of almost being able to copy and paste half of it into my own words.

I too have always been pretty useless socially, perhaps in part due to my abilility to see people's true feelings despite their words, and to pick up on and reflect their own insecurities. People don't seem to like this!

I too had a normal upbringing, without any damaging experiences or reasons for my inability to function in life like everyone else.

I too have gone through education easily and i have a high level of intelligence. This is not self-importance nor vanity; my entire family are highly intelligent and they are all high-acheivers.

But I too have never enjoyed life, and have always felt that it was more tiring than it was enjoyable. I have never felt that anything I did I ever really cared about.

I have always felt like I am a fake, an imposter, that I'm not really worth anything, and that I do not deserve to burden anyone by asking them for anything.

I would kill myself except that I have no particular wish to die. I  don't enjoy living in any way, but death seems to me to be a waste, as well as that fact that i do not wish to hurt my family, and to be entirely frank I'm not exactly sure that what may come after would be any improvement.

I have the same feeling of always having to keep up a front, never being genuine, nor revealing myself to others. I can see beneath their skins, yet no one seems to see beneath what i wish them to. It is so exausting trying keep it all up, and yet i am incapable of dropping it.

I am seeing a psychotherapist intermittently, but it so tiring that i find myself giving up on it. I cannot even drop the front with them, no matter how honest I am.

I can't go on and my life is crumbling. I barely leave the house anymore and my life has ground to a halt. I cycle between momentary episodes of tremendous hope, as I imagine a possible future of normalacy, which vanish as I realise how fleeting my vigour is, and reality comes crashing down on me, threating to leave me numb to everything.

And now i prepare to be dismissed as overly melodramatic,  mentally unstable, ignorant or unintelligant. 

Hello rsjg 

I know how you feel because I have the same feelings (always have had) I'm 62 now and still feeling the same way. 

You could try - this is what I do in order to make live a little less futile - take in a couple of shelter animals and give them the best life that you can.  

Unfortunately you cannot change the world, you cannot change your view of the world but you can change the world for them - it also gives you someone to love and someone to get up for in the morning. 

Do not think for one minute that you are a 'burden' for you are not - I think you need someone to live for - you cannot expect that from a human being as that is too much for them to bear - but an animal is quite happy to bear the burden of being your reason for living.  

I hope the above helps it's how I keep going. 

Liz and her three cats 

My friend,

Life is not the meaning of knowing how perfect any human being could be. We all are imperfect being by default.  Some became more imperfect by trying to fix the problem of one's own life . Where as some are suffering to find solution for other. Life cannot teach a single person to be perfect through man made 7 tips to be perfect. Therefore, I believe that this world itself is imperfect, and no human being who is from down can fix the problem of this world. Every person is searching or seeking some one to fix one's own life problem. In nutshell how can we be happy, Happy is not to withdraw oneself from the norms of the life or to withdraw from the society. Read new/old  literature you will find that people thought to be become perfect. But honesty is no one is too perfect to make some body perfect being. But the truth is no one can find the answers of all the problems of the earth. So seek the wisdom from above and look into the whole humanity, I tell you no person from the earth could fix his/her problem. But donot be disappointed and depraved by isolating yourself from the whole community. But look up and find there is only one who came from up can fix the problem of your innerbeing becasue he came from above and can live within you. If you search that truth from the bottom of your heart. He is quite near to you and lives within you. I am talking about the truth that can set you free.Why you are suffering and not seeking the help from above.Once the strength and wisdom is poured to you from above, only then you will find the resourecs from within the world system.... medication, professional health. Don't look for the friends of Job. Go into the society and find any person who loved are is still living who is/was 100% perfect. My personal proposal for you is first seek within yourself, know yourself and look for the one whose name is above all names.     

Hi rsjg,

I would like to listn to your current situation if you don't mind,

Don't know why I'm writing about this and really don't know how I found my way here . But I read your story of life and feeling down and pretty much a future burden on loved ones and I have the exact problems I felt like I could of wrote it word for word . I hope for better days everyday I wake up and want positiveness and try to fight negativity but it consumes me always and my persona of looking happy and not all messed up around my loved ones has taken a toll on my mind and body . It's hard to please everyone and even if u can they can never get the true purpose of why. Respect honor friendship with no judgement on talk and being out going .i have lost a lot of things in life big house nice trucks properties . Went through a divorce and went from wakeing up everyday and seeing my beautiful daughters as they woke up and being with them every moment of there life , to seeing them every weekend if I'm not to busy at work seeing them dureing week putting up a persona and a good environment every time there with me it is so hard . I lost my nephew to hit n run driver at same time as my divorce and I have never recover from either really . But my depression or whatever it is keeps me in solitude I want no contact with anymore people than I have to , and it is sad because I love most people and look for honor and respect . Maybe to much sometimes , these feelings have been with me for as long as I can remember even as a teenager and they have become out of control I would say now that I am older . Don't want pity or anything just hard to wake up tomorrow and put my mask on only to take it off before days end . Hope for better feelings about life and helping others .