I'm tired of life, with little reason, not dramatic - just 'done'...

Give me ur whatsapp number.i want to know details because i have same problem

It's been a few years since post. I was searching around and came across this post and was wondering how things are going

Nothing changes, just my ability to pretend things are fine. The thought processes remain each and every day. I am all I ever thought I was. Some days I will ignore it better than others but it's always there.

Which is why I rarely post on here any more. I am no poster boy for success.

Life hasn't improved, I still can't function as 'normal' and try to continue finding a route which just about suffices whilst continually making me feel half complete. I can't hold a job so take temporary ones but therefore can't be what I feel I need to be (financially stable, a non-burden on those around me) - I find short term solutions to long term problems but kind of know, deep down, that I will inevitably reach a D Day and will be unlikely see old age. That in itself is some comfort.

So I apologise for not giving a better answer. I wish I could give you a more positive spin. But in a world in which I see ever more proof that to succeed you need to be selfish then perhaps I was never cut out for humanity anyway.

I am in a vicious circle largely of my own making or thought processes but it does not change the reality and such is my age that it is now impossible for me to repair the damage I, or my mind, has done to my life.

Mmm, maybe I should stop writing today. Good luck with your own journeys. Take solace in the belief that I am hopefully not typical. If you can find your cause you have hope of fixing it. If you have not messed stuff up because of it then hopefully things can get better from here. I have seen, and spoken to a few people, who have been at very very low points and gone on to have very successful and, more importantly, happy lives.

But there is no one fix. I just hope you find yours.

I just want to say I love all of you , the fact that there are others like me helps me everyday . Deep deep down it hits a piece of me that is dark and helps greatly because I know I am 38 now and can't change anything or expect anything out of talking ( because I am not a talker really hate the grind of talk that has no meaning) but if I find some solitude even for 15 min then it is worth it at this point . I am at a all time high on not being able to take it ! So ty all and hopefully one day some of us will find each other and have a real impact on our lives .

This is a good response, and one i feel the same as.  I continue to live for my familys sake, but life is not. Good for me, too many years of trying to treat something they dont manage to affect. I dont know how i get through the days really.  Hubby gets angry sometimes and says im not trying, but i am, it just wont get better

Hi rsjg

I didn't think I'd find my psychological doppelganger (or perhaps I'm yours), but indeed here you are and after having read your posts up until the very recent ones I can most certainly relate.

Man, it's insane how accurately your descriptions of how you feel line up with how I've been feeling for years and the cloud was especially thick tonight which is how I ended up here. The irony is not lost on me that all of a sudden I'm excited and gained a burst of energy knowing that I'm not alone in feeling so incredibly listless most days and 'apathetic' too as one user described it.

I can say I've been blessed in my life with an incredible, loving (though imperfect as all are) family and extended family as well as a pretty good upbringing with good opportunities...but like you I feel useless for the most part and have no desire for life really. I've managed to hold a job for a number of years, although it has been my first proper one out of varsity - but even so the feelings have never left completely, I have perhaps one or two close friends I still keep in contact with otherwise my closest friends are my family, my male cousins and my older sister. I've gone deeper in my faith and committed to going to church every Sunday with my Mom and older sister and have been doing so for about a year and a half - a major feat as I'm not one of those disciplined folk at all though I've made a decision to treat it like I treat my job, get up and go despite your feelings and desire to sleep in - it always ends up being beyond rewarding and incredibly uplifting.

I can't say I have any answers because I feel exactly the same way as you, but I've been feeding my mind and spirit with not just general positive stuff, but what I feel is truth to me - sifting through the superficial fortune cookie quotes and delving deeper to get to the heart of what is true, it really has brought a change in perspective at least for me. It just gets hard every day, getting up in the morning you feel somewhat ready to take on the day, but then the cloud catches up and you're back under it wondering why you bothered waking up at all, by the evening I feel like a zombie, drained and defeated once more.

I don't know, I keep praying about it and am experiencing more of the authentic joy buried deep inside - I savour it when it appears, but I know exactly how you feel.

If all else fails, good honest instrumental music always seems to cut through my conscious mind no matter my emotional state and hits me straight in my subconscious (like how a good or a bad smell almost immediately can stir up memories or feelings) - it almost forces a smile out of me and the sun then breaks through the clouds if only for a little while...the takeaway here being that of being present in that moment, it gives me hope of something more if only for a short while.

I guess I'm also aching for purpose, for a reason (or my reason) for being here, breathing. Like you. I'm also looking for answers as to why I find it hard to maintain relationships, why I care so little about what other people care so much about, why I lack ambition, why I feel inferior and defeated most of each and every day, why I'm so afraid, why I bother even going through the motions when I also think any friend or potential partner that shows as much interest in me as I do them will eventually leave when they get to know the real me...my last gf did and that was 8 years ago.

Well, that went grey pretty quick jeez, lol. Anyway perhaps just this very act of sharing is enough to keep hope alive...like a support group of sorts...I'll leave you with a verse that

...(sorry my finger bumped 'reply' at the wrong time) to continue...I keep close by from the book of Jeremiah in the Bible, chapter 29 and verse 11, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Hope you're doing better, keep well and keep on keepin' on - you never know what kinda goodness could be lurking around the next corner or wrapped in a mundane-appearing tomorrow.

Hi,

80% of your thoughts are matching to mine.

Even i feel the same.

I don't know where i am heading too.

Confused mind with always options and finally end with not choosing either.

Sometimes feel like to go some where far away from people.

But alone and i dont need a company either.

I have a good family and girlfriend whom i always feel annoyed. It's very difficult to understand a girl and what actually runs in their mind.

At first i was searching reasons to talk to her and now searching reasons to avoid talking to her.

I don't know what exactly i am doing....!

I felt the same way for the past 20 years, its like I am watching a very long and boring movie, which I know the ending for it and yet everyone around me is forcing me to keep watching it. Its like I am watching a bad magic show and I know how all the tricks are done. The worst thing is when you talk to the "professionals" and they keep spouting the same patronizing crap and you keep biting your tong because you do want them to label you or medicate you, which could ruin your kids chances of getting your life insurance payout if you deiced to leave the movie before it finishes.

I feel the same way you do, I had a reasonably good life, traveled, got a wonderful family, PhD, etc... I just  can't shake the feeling that none of this matters. Who the hell are we to ask the most arrogant question "Why are we here?" who the hell do we think we are. 

It was luck that helped us develop large brains and dominate the planet, there are endless other possibilities of how things could have gone for Mankind! 

I really believe that this is our "Cocoon" and once we break out and release the true "Us", we will reach our real potential or move on to the next stage of evolution.

Why should death be scary? We are born and its beautiful! We become children and it beautiful! We get married and it beautiful! We have children and it Beautiful !We have grandchildren and it Beautiful! Why cant our death be beautiful!?

I attended a couple of Maori funerals in New Zealand, all we did for a WEEK, was drink, eat and celebrate the life of the departed. Many other societies have the same Idea and many of them existed for over 20+ thousand years. But NOOOOOO! We the "civilized" ones (with a few hundred years under our belt) must live as long as possible to pay more taxes, to buy houses, to finance wars, and keeps governments and useless public servants (including me when I was one) in their jobs. And the majority of them, do not have enough sense to think of 1% of what we are discussing here.

Please do not tell me how lucky I am and to look at the less fortunate, I was borne in a refugee camp! and I lived there until 10 years of age. I remember having nothing and being happy because I didn't any better , It is a 100 times worse to have more than many and still be "JOYLESS!", it adds a new layer of guilt for every single thing that should make you happy and your are not. 

I think what we experience is part of the human experience, natural and everything else we do is the unnatural part. Plus the only reason "Professionals" and "Governments" pretend to care, is because its their chosen career and to make sure that there are more cattle in the farm ( the cattle are us).

I'm going to stick around for as long as I feel like it, but when I deiced that I had enough, I will leave in the calmest, cleanest and most polite way possible as not to inconvenience others by my decision. 

 

I feel like this too. I don't understand what it is. Sometimes it's more extreme. Hope you're still hanging on.

It's very sad reading all these comments. I hope you all get better and find happiness. You all deserve it too. I'm in the same situation but I have good reason. Everything is against me. It's not only the depression, the nervous breakdowns, GAD, Agoraphobia, Social Phobia, Social Anxiety, PTSD. I suspect BPD too. All the problems I have revolve around people and me. How can I live when I can't even be near anyone?Even my own family which hurts me. I wish I had a career, etc. Everything everyone does but instead I'm stuck in my house letting the time pass me by. Just wasting time I shouldn't think about it so much I don't have anything to lose. All my problems have caused my misery since I was 4. I don't have a furture. I don't want a present either. I want my pain to go away. I want to be like everyone else. Functional and social. Useful. But instead I'm stuck in my bed I no longer get out of it. I'm all day in it. Even when I get up I get dizzy and feel I will collapse. Anyways I really hope you all get better and are still hanging on.🙌🙏💖

 I see that this is a very old post, but I appreciate it.  I feel exactly the same way

I feel very similar to you a lot. I do have a few things in my life that are out of my control and suck a bag right now...but not like anyone is dying. I do want to do things and want to make friends. I have a husband but he doesn't really understand me and he is a part of some of my "out of my control" issues...but There are many more. A brief and complex list goes something like this..I apparently can't hold down any friendships and now I don't really want to, I never cared about becoming someone or having the drive to have a career till I was 29 and am now screwed bc I know nothing yet want to know, and I am the laziest 110lb girl in the universe yet want to move. I'm a an enigma. My dad made a quote up about me a while ago saying "the only thing consistent with Becca is that she is always inconsistent". ..it's pretty accutate and he is a psychiatric social worker (yet he is his own piece of work.) I have been depressed since 6th grade. I am 31 now. It was in remission for a while and kind of turned in to anxiety as I got older. It's now leading back to a depressive state. It's kind of like my brain and body want two different things. Although I have a gimpy knee, my body is a little ball of energy that can hardly stay still....bit my brain says, "No, sit down and sleep, bc what's the point."I'm not trying to be an ass but sometimes tupac has it right...why am I fighting to live when I'm just living to die!It's not like I want to die...quite frankly it's a bit terrifying, but I do want mental peace. Instead of picturing me taking my own life I kind of just picture myself hanging in space orbiting around my own planet. Idk, I look pretty normal and plain but I am a really odd bird. I Think about what people must have done in previous times when life was a lot more simple, but perhaps they were more happy because they just kept busy and they didn't have the option to sit and mope. I really like tv because it's distracting.I finally did something to help me with my drive to become someone, but its probably going to fail.....and then what??? I never ever wanted self-worth before.. I kind of just accepted myself for who I was, pretty much a plain old nobody. But now I'm trying to better my situation and what if that goes wrong..I'm back to being a plain old nobody. I don't know where to focus or emphasize importance. I have been souls searching since I was 10 really and I like myself..i think I could be nicer to family, but other then that I am okay with being a hater and for not keeping up with the Kardashians. I try to find solace in nature, but a storms always a brewing. I often say to myself, "okay make the most of any situation and your here now so may as well enjoy yourself bc no one is going to make you happy except you and you have one life." That's kind of my mantra, and also very true, bc often people make me very sad...especially the ones closest to me. Anything can help.. Butler? Any words?