I'm tired of life, with little reason, not dramatic - just 'done'...

Hi to all who post here and to rsjg who started this. Thank you for giving me this window to connect through. The lack of instruction on what to do is refreshing. And also important. My internal response is always, “don't tell me what to do about this, you don't understand”. Contradictorially (is that a word? Looks like one!) I have the same feeling even if I identify with what you say. So maybe I just want to be allowed to be like this. This is the beauty of rsjg's post for me.

I tend to push people away subconsciously. Unfortunately there are answers to this but my experience shows me that we will not keep it up. There are lots of answers but the only true answer is to accept who we are. Don't worry what everyone else thinks. Be grateful for what we have. Help others. If we do all that and keep it real we will be in a good place. Life is a journey, there is only one destination. So we have to enjoy the journey or change our mode of transport. I have tried a lot of fairly objective self analysis in a 12 step recovery programme (the addiction was not the problem, it was me) and I understand a lot of my problems and character flaws. But ultimately I will disconnect and look for negatives without some serious work, which I get tired of quickly. There is a lot of bad stuff in the world, our society seems to be fixated on wealth and not well being. There are some who think they are the same. We may disagree I think. On the other hand there are some who give and do wonderful things just naturally, I am not one of them, but i do try when I can despite my lack of altruism in doing it.

That is not to say hope can't creep in. We would not have carried on if we didn't allow hope at all. But hope seems to be easily crushed by our doubts and fears and apathy. The French have the word 'ennui' which seems to be the exact thing I suffer from. Tired of life. I have tried it the way other people do it, I have tried it my way, I have tried to balance them both and have achieved fleeting satisfaction but it is not sustainable for me. I revert to Default. Even as a child I remember responding to my parents with “can't be bothered”. After 58 years I am tired, I have several health issues and few friends, I thank God for a good day each day but cringe inwardly as I don't really feel that it was. Why do it then? Because there is still a little bit of hope. I try to run through the things which were ok and ask for help to do better tomorrow. It keeps me going.

I am not a great supporter of medication for this. All medication if taken in sufficient quantity to be effective is likely to have side effects. And this problem is so fundamental to us and such a product of our thinking that taking a pill does not seem realistic. Only my experience but I was totally unable to explain myself to a professional, I kept making things up and saying what I thought he wanted to hear.

Thanks to hypercat for mentioning CEN, I am sure it is something that has contributed to my problem but I am not keen on labels. It is too easy to say I am this or I am that, you must make me better. What is the point of a label with out effective treatment and a solution. At the end of the day 'it is what it is' and 'we are who we are'. I think we all react differently to life's difficulties some fight some run some just struggle. I endure, that is the truth and I hate saying it but accept it. From there I can move on. Probably to nowhere but hey-ho!

And rsjg, carry on being yourself and don't go beating yourself up too much. You say you have helped others and I am sure others accept you for who you are even if you think they shouldn't. It's up to them!

Thank you for letting me be who I am. Long-winded, self important, selfish, self obsessed, ungrateful, intolerant, negative . . . . and maybe human but a bit too much so!

PS hope you like me 

 

I am so tired of life too. I will be 43 soon and I am sick and tired of the repetition, doing the same thing week in week out. Life has become so boring and meaningless. I do not want to change who I am or what I do...I just want to go to bed and never wake up. At this stage in my life I feel that I have done all that I wanted to do. As I get older I also find that I have become increasing tired of people, I put on a brave face but inside I just want to run a mile away from them. The pretense is wearing thin at this stage and I feel that it will only get worse. I also have a growing detest for the way we humans can and do behave towards each other and the way we treat the plant we live on. Turn on the news, read a newspaper, the injustice in this world is shocking, the lives that some people are forced to live is shocking and most people just do not care, the greed, the arrogance + much more...all of it turns my stomach and it makes me resent life. I dream of getting away from everyone and every thing and living a very quite secluded life...living like a hermit I guess...but of course this is not possible because of responsibilities and my financial situation will not allow it. I guess never waking up is the only true and permanent seclusion that is available to me now....hence why I crave it. I would never self harm or kill myself but I do not want to continue either. The more that I think about life, the more meaningless I see it. Whether you are rich or poor, happy or sad, healthy or sick .etc. it is all temporary and the same faith awaits us all...death. Graveyards are full of high achievers and billionaires. When you are dead you are no more so what you achieve in life becomes irrelevant to you...even if you did take pride in it while you were alive. I remind myself of this all the time, I find this very reassuring and it helps me to not take life too seriously. Life is a gift, for sure, but I wish the gift could be returned when you have had enough of it. Sorry for being so pessimistic but years of working hard, struggling, dealing with ass*oles, trying to fit in, repetition, worrying and seeing how we behave towards each other...has worn me out. I know that some people can just keep going and going no matter what but after 42 years I feel that the fight in me has gone....I gave it my best shot and I feel that I am entitled to bow out now. The occasional high that does come my way from time to time is fleeting and it does not give me any reason to want to continue anymore. The thought of hanging around for another 25+ years is depressing. I have never suffered from depression in the past but I feel that it is waiting for me around the corner....beam me up scotty....energize..darn...still here!

Perhaps we should all stand together and continue Dr. Kevorkian's fight. Not just for those who are termanilly ill, but also for those of us who are "tired".

Nobody was born with their consent, we should therefore be granted the inherent right to decide how and when we die.

Hi. I'm not gonna be saying a lot (hopefully) but.... just try. I know what you mean. And the best thing to do would be to try. Try to find the wonderful and beautiful things in everyday life. Know that YOU ARE NOT USELESS AND YOU MATTER TO E.V.E.R.Y.O.N.E. Whenever you think that you're not worth it, CHANGE THAT BAD THOUGHT AROUND TO "I AM WORTH IT!" Look yourself in the mirror and say "I. AM. WORTH. IT" and keep repeating it with emphasis. Doing this will eventually change your mindset...or at least I hope it would.

Your a beautiful specimen, no.... you're more than a measly specimen....you're a beautiful painite, precious, amazing, unique and rare gem. And you matter more than anything.

I love you dearly.... even if I don't know you. And I hope you one day see the beauty in the world and in yourself.

Sincerely and lovingly,

Jerrochan.

Wow so true to my existence

I can relate i wanted to respond they make everything into a task . Nothing is worth it ive responded to job ads for training and cant even land tbem . Housing has turned into a business driving is defensive now. Im just so tiredhope is fake always was but we use it to push forward i cant even use fake to make it

Checking myself out is also not a option a desire but im not capable of murder. So i can sit and rot because we are very usefull we have great skills and we even have faitb yup God is real and part of tbe problem. He could fix it but even he has stepped back he could use our willing vessel but doesnt. The evil one has even passed because there is to much good in us even though we are in fact useless. Goverment programs ha nope. So rot away we rot away not by chouce by circumstance. Ill get the ones who say get up go out and make something happen. Did that i wouldnt be doing this if i had that as a option

Fact people is we are rot. We are forgotren weeds that are just waiting to not have to wake up or for a opportunity to be useful.

I too am a burden to this. My Friends are the ones hard done by because they are always out having a laugh drinking, socialising and what have you but, lately for about 4 months o have kept pushing them away and not going with them. My family also regularly go out on a weekend but I to avoid it by staying at home or just going somewhere on my own. I want to escape it all the lifestyle I live in and especially my area but just to be free. Girls always seem to effect me negatively as  they fall into love but I only hurt and don’t want to continue the story. My honest opinion is that the world would be a better place

Without me but I certainly don’t think taking my life is the answer to my problems. I don’t even know what to say. I’m tired of it like I want to fall into a put and lay there for eternity.