I'm tired of life, with little reason, not dramatic - just 'done'...

Thank you for your message. I do realise that feelings/emotions/depression has its ups and downs but my main issue is my 'peaks' are still bad - at my best I am just a little down or lack enthusiasm, during my dips it's perhaps more 'critical'. I worry that if those 'peaks' are it then there really is little point. I hope you find better periods of happiness than I do!

Hi, thanks for writing in the thread.

​Although I am very guilty of not doing this myself (although I have tried and it's still not great!) I always think it's a good start to focus on those things that are good and not the negatives. I've said before, hope is more important than success - not saying you or anyone else have reasons for hope as that's impossible to say to a stranger, but that if you as an individual can find it then great.

​You're young, that's definitely a plus. I do feel the quicker things are addressed the better so proactively take steps now to deal with it rather than waste 10-20 years wondering what if. Social awkwardness is understandable (trust me I'm nearly an expert!) but not unsolveable even in small amounts - especially when you are so young - the change from 21 to 30 is probably close to the change from 12 to 21. the fact you're even writing on these boards at such an age shows you have a good idea something isn't 'right'.

​As for the positives, you say you ENJOY your job. Hell, you have and seem to be able to hold it. Three positives there in itself. Many friends is still some friends - don't focus on who's missing, have great fun with those you do have. Despite what social media would imply, most people only have two or three close friends and everyone else is an aquaintance - they might be overtly friendly and chatty but they wouldn't share or trust anything with them.

​So do you know what it is that makes you feel as you do? Have you seen a doctir yet? That should always be your first port of call - it is rarely a quick fix but some of these feelings (and sick and tired springs out) can be attributed to things that CAUSE depression and not from the EFFECT and may be solveable by increasing iron or another vitamin deficiency. If the Doctor then says you're fine, they may point you in more useful directions if it's a mental health problem. Just check physical before writing it off.

​If you knwo more exactly what makes you unhappy then is there anyway to resolve it? Can you create a hope through actions - not solve it immediately but foresee a time when it will be.

​Being quiet, reclusive or shy is not a bad thing. We are led to believe it is in this society and the confident extroverts will inevitably rise to the top (sometimes without merit) but it takes all sorts to keep things ticking and you are going to be much more suitable for some people (work and relationships) than those who display things you 'lack'. I'd always trust the quiet truth talking thinker over the extroverted quick chatting b*ll person!!

​I never mark grammar on a forum. It's for chatting, not education or essays and anyone who does is a bit sad... so I often mark them in retaliation!

​Good luck with what ever step you make next. All I would request is you make a step, choose an avenue to investigate and try it. If you get to the end of the journey and still feel as you do, come back - I'll know exactly where you stand...

Hey thanks for replying, probably the feeling of being different is what gets too me always feeling i need to impress people and the feeling i am always being judged i was judged alot when i was in school due to my ADD and never feel it has left me even though i no longer rely on medication , feel asthough i have too try 10 times harder than everyone else to get too where i am or want too be and it just wears me out. I always feel like im the one thats just there not really wanted or needed always given the cold shoulder and just mess everything up.

I have read a few forums on ADD running through to adulthood and a few of my problems do relate to what they say and can increase risks of depression not sure if this matters or if im over exagerating,i rang samaritans a few months ago but just couldent find the confidance to tell them my problems so i hung up,so not sure if i could do it face to face(with a doctor)

Thanks for taking time to reply

I don't know enough about ADD in adults but you seem to have already discovered there is probably a link between how you feel and ADD so, for me, surely that's something to investigate.

Seeing a Doctor or speaking to the Samaritans is tricky, I understand that but if you can go in with an idea that it might be linked to ADD then you may find a chat with a doctor actually relevantly concise and fruitful.

If I was at a point where possibly restarting some medication I've been on before could make me feel ten times better and I just needed a chat with my Doctor I'd do it. Going in and asking for help when you don't know what's wrong at all is scary or feels pointless but I think you know it might actually get results.

Sort out the easier stuff first. You may find it helps stuff you weren't even aware of.

Sorry if this reply is badly written or formatted, I'm on my tablet and it's messed everything up.

I'm not sure I would say death was interesting. For me, death is nothing, no thoughts, no peace but just complete nothing. I'm not going to be able to be pleased or regret being dead, I will not know anything from the moment my last breath leaves me and whatever happens to those I care about I will not be able to be happy or sad about. That's death. An ever lasting dreamless sleep.

It may still be preferable to a living state where there is no happiness. Furthermore I've often argued/ thought that my death may have more positive ramifications than negative ones but I'll never know for sure.

You need to work out what it is that makes you feel like you do. Is it physical or mental exhaustion? What bores you? Does anything excite you or give you hope? What is the barrier to you being happy?

I don't think all barriers can be removed but I think you need to identify them as best you can before you give up.

Good luck.

I really don't know... living has become boring but sometimes i really look forward to life that maybe something will happen but unfortunately nothing does.

I know i might sound crazy for saying that death seems interesting but it really does... i don't know if interesting is the correct word, its more like being alive is so troublesome... why be bothered when you can just not exist at all, it will be so much peaceful.

Most of the time I just I wasn't born, then there be no problem to begin with.

Well really thanks for listening to me and i don't think i'm going to up so soon.

Thankyou

I just happened to be checking my emails as this came through - so your timing is good!

​It's so hard not to sound chocolate boxy when trying to give advice to situations and people you know only through a few sentences. However I have to try!

What do you really look forward to? Like always, I'm not saying answer that on here but ask yourself. Why isn't it happening? Is there anything you can do to help it happen? Do you need to do something to create a change or push yourself out your comfort zone? If you've tried and couldn't do it, or failed for a multitude of other reasons then I can completely empathise. If you can't even try is there a reason there that you could approach? Sometimes dealing with the inability to try might help you get the thing you actually want. If that makes sense! Nothing happens without action from somebody though, it's nice if others provide it but you can only guarantee it if you do it.

​As for death you're kind of right, although we're not supposed to admit it. We weren't alive before and we will be dead one day and the world will keep on turning and billions of people around the world won'y even know. But it won't be peaceful, it won't be anything. Don't think of death as being anything, anyone who imagines what life is like after they're gone is missing the point - there is no imagining, no peace, nothing. Focus on the living and how you can make that better. That doesn't mean I don't understand, empathise and even agree with you that life isn't worth living but you have to quantify that with what your life is like now, if it really is awful and makes you cry everyday and there is no hope then I understand the wish to depart, but it is only as a means on ending the pain it does not bring happiness or relief or peace - it brings nothing. The question is, is nothing better than living? I'm not going to try and answer that with such limited information - what I will say is I believe in euthanasia for those with incurable pain (much like the mind?) but also believe those that can be cured should not take that route. Can you be cured? Can I?!

​You need to speak to someone a lot more qualified than me. You need to make sure all the basics are ticked off; are you physically lacking in certain areas which is causing depression/ tiredness, are you suffering from some form of trauma, have you got an issue from which everything stems from? Once you've ruled out all these then I think it makes decisions and thought processes clearer. Lile a medical diagnosis - make sure it's not the simple stuff and then see where you go from there.

​People on here will always listen. If life is boring, do one thing next year that you think might be exciting and see if that changes anything. Move area, get a new job, go on a brave backpacking holiday, do something that isn't 'you' - then see how you feel. Or, maybe more sensibly, just speak to someone and see what comes out.

Good luck.

thanks rsjg

i'm really trying to move on from this mindset of mine and i think i'm doing some progress too. though there are moments these thoughts strike again. its really wierd you know... but really thanks for listening to me, my family thinks i'm just imagining things and that i'm just lazy and don't want to do anything, and my friends... well, nevermind. i think i'm better now and really thankyou!

Thanks for your reply. I must admit it both surprises, yet depresses, me that people still find this thread and have similar feelings to me. I wish there was some conclusion - it's only head stuff that isn't 'fixed'; depression, addiction, trauma are always there but you can recover from a broken leg!

​I very much recognise your opening paragraphs and it brings another word to my mind; dispair. You (I) despair at yourself but also the world around you, that mean immoral people prosper whilst the good suffer. The likes Of Katie Hopkins, or even Lady C on I'm a Celeb, are celebrated for their awfulness whilst others are ignored for their calm caring nature. Bu that's a whole different rant.

​Writing is often something people put to me, my parents in early days, my short career in journalism and then now - even if it's just rewriting CVs and covering letters people seem to like my 'flow'. But flow is only one aspect of writing and I don't really possess the creativity, wit or belief to be able to write my own stuff. I've tried, often a few chapters are written before I decide it's rubbish and delete it all!! Thank you for suggesting it though.

​I've tried to move away from my thoughts on these boards and use it only for reference if it can help others who post in this thread. With that in mind, and based on the limited information you've given, I hope you try some of things that have been mentioned in previous posts. There is a difference between being bothered or having the energy to do something and always think a lack of physical energy should be investigated as that can often increase any depressive tendencies.

​The 'why am I so rubbish' statement is a very tricky one. I'm not going to be one of those people who tell you you're not - I don't know you. Saying as much would be just a worthless statement and mean nothing. What I would say is you need, not necessarily on here, to say why you feel that way, how could that view be changed? I have this unfortunate habit of backing up my view of myself (negative) with facts that even outsiders can't refute. But I'm fairly good at seeing the positives in others and will always try to be helpful and constructive - I generally view most people who are wise enough to know they know nothing to have something going for them!

​Good luck with whatever you decide to do next.

Thank you for your message. I'm not going to delve as I'm sure you would have said if you wanted to, but the 'one issue' that can be a trigger is, as I'm sure you're aware, the key to you finding happiness. Taking away that one thing may make everything else easier to deal with. However, if it is truly impossible to deal with that one issue then I can only feel for you. 55 is not old now though, people are already hitting 100 with relative regularity so you could even argue you're middle aged!

I strongly believe you're never too old to do something, you may be physically unable the older you get but anything else is just the mind. I've seen, and even known, people pass driving tests, learn a new language, get married or go on a wild holiday at way older than 55! The mind can put barriers in the way but what's the worst that can happen? I also think that with a creative mind even the unachievable can be achieved, even if it won't be quite as perfect as it was in your mind.

​I have sought some help. I tried medication with no luck and I tried the talk therapy route with arguably even less (he tried using religion and it was never going to get anywhere). I often find myself unable to cope and reguarly know I respond badly to even mildly bad news, constant 'straws that broke the camel's back'. It can feel personal even if it isn't - case in point this week my shed was broken in to and my bike stolen. It was the first time in seven years I'd let my insurance lapse (for two weeks) so I took that badly, like I was cursed. Never been broken in to before so why now? Further more I blamed myself, I felt I'd let people down by not doing my job - securing the property adequately or ensuring the insurance was up to date. The fact they only took my bike and not others was good I suppose, but then it felt even more personal! I know it's a ridiculous over-reaction and in a year I will probably barely remember it but I'd be lying if 'thoughts' didn't cross my mind. I have/had enough.

​I think I've found a place where I'm kind of in limbo at the moment. Teetering on the brink of giving up. If I'm honest I doubt I'll make 55, I'm always a little surprised to make the next one and birthday's in themselves are often a trigger. When the base is so low, even the smallest knock makes you fall. One thing keeps me going, despite also being a reason to go, but it's a dangerous place to be.

​I am tired of my situation but still think it's mostly of my own making. When the film has been awful for the first 80 minutes, I very much doubt the last ten minutes will suddenly turn it all round and make it worth it - worse still is if you make someone else sit through it with you.

​But probably getting a little dark! I hope you haven't given up and look at things that help you achieve what you want whether that be love, life or success but if I re-read you're opening paragraph you say 'hardly any' - focus on that as 'some'.

​Best wishes.

Hi I just had to reply to this as I too have a certain issue I have never been able to resolve which has damaged my life considerably.  I am 61 now and have given up ever finding what I want so I just have to live with it.  It makes me very sad and is part of why I suffer depression. 

Most times I can live with it now,  but at certain times it breaks my heart.  x

Hello again thanks for your message, I'm sorry to hear about your bike being stolen - isn't that Sod's law, just at the time you had forgotten to renew your insurance. Try not to blame yourself for the insurance lapse, it's annoying but you didn't do it on purpose. I know from experience that when we are suffering from depression, we are quick to blame ourselves when things go wrong - even things beyond our control. I'm also sorry to hear that your experience of therapy didn't go well - should a therapist be using religion to help a patient? I would think that is a no no, so maybe you just had the misfortune to be paired up with the wrong therapist. I have had 2 separate bouts of NHS counselling this year, and I am now paying to see another privately because I need somewhere to go where I can talk openly and feel comfortable. Perhaps you could think about referring yourself tomIAPT (you can do this without having to go through your GP) (check online for details www.IAPT.nhs.uk). This may be a good way to start trying to get some help.

Your final sentence has a ring of truth to it - I was happy for 6 months in 1984! Beyond that, my life has been miserable and I am regularly just on autopilot getting through each day. My "issue" is probably one that millions of other people have, but I have let it take me over and ruin my life. I have always wanted to find love & settle down with that special person. Thought I'd found it once, but it wasn't meant to be. Kept searching, getting hurt and demoralised until 17 years ago I made the decision to give up looking and accept that I was meant to be alone. The years passed me by until this time last year I realised that I had fallen in love with someone; it hurts to be with them and hurts to be apart from them, someone who I have thought about every single day, someone who I have shed tears over but ultimately someone who I can't tell how I feel; the most unsuitable person I could have chosen to fall in love with. 

Please look after yourself, keep in touch here to let us know how you are doing. Best wishes 

Hello and thanks for your message. Sorry to hear that you too have problems which have impacted on your life and greatly contribute towards your depression. I think what you wrote could have been word for word written by me, such is the similarity.

i hope that it isn't too late for you to find that thing you have been looking for, but you say you have given up. Same here (see my reply to rsjg above), which as you say leads to more depression. We live with it because we know we have to but the pain is always there. We hide our true self from others, so that they don't see or know about the sadness and turmoil we are carrying around with us. Most people I meet daily don't have a clue that the person they see and talk to is just an outer shell hiding the real me inside.

please take care of yourself, keep in touch here for support x

I know the bike isn't my fault, or even that big a deal in the grand scheme of things, but like you wisely stated - it's just another little thing to have a go at myself for. I almost see it as being either I'm stupid or I'm unlucky, constantly people recognise I find myself in negative situations so there really is only one of two options and neither of them make me feel any better!

​Yes, the talk therapy evolved in to more of a theological debate, largely stemming from my insistence I saw no 'point' and him saying it was impossible without faith. I also know he found the sessions almost fun as he 'enjoyed sparring with me' but I think he kind of acknowledged he wasn't gettting anywhere. I don't want to see the Doctor again (he has a proper job to do!) and even more strangely I don't want to be refered back to the same clinic where all the therapists are as I'd feel worried/ even guilty about telling him I didn't think it was working and then asking for anyone but him. I know he wouldn't care but I'd feel anxious about upsetting him! Weird I know. I can't afford private at the moment, I already feel enough of a drain.

​Love is such a tricky one and I certainly can not speak from any authority. I maintain it's never 'too late' but am not stupid enough to say 'oh it'll all work out in the end'. In this day and age it also doesn't take much to meet new people if you can face it - we would never be having this conversation if it wasn't for the internet! But, without proclaiming any intelligence on the matter, I always say to single people (of all ages) that meeting people does NOT have to be a romantic thing. Say you're on one of the dating sites and after communications you decide to meet. Why go with any expectations other than to have a new friend? This isn't directly aimed at you but an overall point. Meeting people for people makes meeting partners easier - going out looking for a partner is impossible. I have only ever dated women I have been friends with first, I assumed they weren't interested and got to know them as people!

​However, I may have wandered off your message. You have someone you like - how impossible is it? These are not questions I would expect you to answer, just to think about. If you did declare your love what would be the worst case scenario? Although a bit greeting card message - it really is impossible to be happy unless you risk everything for it. However, I also recognise that is all well and good in the movies, in real life not so much. If they're happily married, or 'inappropriate' in any way then the next step is not to look for love - but to fall out of love. You need to have a clean break, with absence and time people can fall out of love, or recognise it as an old love. People who are widowed don't love their lost partners any less, they just move on and find a different love with someone else. Does that make sense or am I being insulting in some way?! Like I said, I know not of what I talk about!! A slight aside; watch 'First Dates' on Ch4, it is entertaining anyway but there have been lots of older people (in to 70's and 80's) and they still enjoy life.

​What is a partner? It's a best friend you sleep wth if you cut it down to the crude essentials. Finding a best friend is trickier than finding a random person to sleep with. But friends are a lot easier to find than partners... so, for me, finding a friend means everything is possible. Finding a partner is an impossible task to aim for. Find more friends, be more sociable, see new people. Don't look for a partner, look for friends. Partners can't become friends, friends can become partners. And now I've finished this vomit enducing sappy/movie like statement I will counter it with the full acknowledgement that is far easier said than done. I struggle meeting friends, in fact I have none now, so I know some elements of what I say is just fantasy. However, I always think looking for a partner never works, it just evolves from something completely unrelated.

​Sorry, I've probably not answered your message very well at all and most of what I've written doesn't apply to you. But if you take one thing from the rubbish I've written; it's never too late for anything, but it's also never guaranteed.

Good luck.

Hi Whatamess.  Like I said I have a great sadness but have largely dealt with it.  It is worse at Christmas because I feel even more alone then.  But many others do too.  I am happier giving up hope of it because I don't dwell on it so much anymore.  

I don't hide my true self from others at all and have talked a bit about it with good friends,  as they have talked about their innermost feelings with me.  It's a 2 way thing.   Of course we all have to put a face on a bit with day to day people we are not close to ie at work but that's life.   You can still be you.

I have many aspects to my personality so I tend to show that side of me instead.   Maybe it's an age thing as I am 61 now.  Never be ashamed of what and who you are but be very choosy who you show your real self to.

I hope you find what you are looking for.  x