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(This is hard for me to write. I'm putting this in the "sexual health" section, because it's about my sex characteristics, and there was nothing specifically for intersex conditions.)
Hello all, I have ambiguous sexual characteristics and I've been doing research, and I think I might have had surgery as an infant. I've asked my parents if there was doubt about my sex as a child (the ambiguity that's currently there isn't drastic, and it isn't super obvious if you don't know what to look for), and they seemed not to know of anything but I still think maybe they didn't notice it, maybe it was framed as something else, maybe doctors hid it, etc. The hospital I was born at is closed now, but I think I can still get my records. I haven't tried yet, I don't know how to start the conversation with my parents.
I'm going to use heavily medical language, because that's how I know to describe this. Here are the reasons I think I might have had something (TMI warning):
-I have no raphe along the underside of my genitals. I understand that the raphe is the result of the natural fusion of the urogenital sinus, and I have some other reasons to believe that didn't fuse all the way.
-I have a midline dimple, which I've heard is related to surgeries done on bifid scrotum etc. I used to think this was the raphe, but in pictures I've noticed it's nothing like that. I also seem to have no scrotal septum.
-I have some symptoms known to be complications of hypospadias surgery and similar procedures, like fistulas (every once in a while I'll get one or two along the underside of the phallus), dribbling and burning with urination, cramping with urination, cramping and burning for no reason, etc. Again, I have no raphe or frenulum here.
-I have an intense fear of people seeing my genitals and of being examined (just in general, but especially genitals), and of letting things too close to my genitalia. I've also always had an intense hatred and fear for my genitalia. I've heard from other intersex people that similar traumas are very common from this kind of a procedure.
-I have a vague memory of either overhearing or being told a story about a baby who "had" to have surgeries similar to the ones I might have had to confirm their sex.
(Just to clarify, I do have other traits that confirm my intersexuality, like micropenis, loose labioscrotal flaps that circle my phallus, odd positioning of things, partial absense of a vas deferens, delayed and mixed puberty, gender dysphoria, etc. I have intrascrotal gonads but I neither know what kind of gonads they are nor whether or not they were surgically moved into that position.)
So, do I sound like I have a reason to ask my parents and doctors about this?
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