I’m unsure if I’ve got depression or I’m just over reacting.

Posted , 6 users are following.

I did something that has really haunted me, I’m uncomfortable to say what but I’ve hated myself for doing it. I did it around 2-3 years ago but my mind has almost blocked it off so I don’t even remember how old i was.

Ever since I did this I’ve just hated my whole existence. I have a great family, good friends, a happy life. Yet I still feel so terrible about what I did and I feel very uncomfortable talking about it. 

I used to cry every night because of it. The only person who knows is my Mum, but I don’t want to bring it up because of feeling awkward and thinking about it more.

I feel very disgusted in my body and would love to just leave this world. Not necessarily by suicide, but by something I can’t control- like cancer or to have never existed in the first place.  I’m not in danger of killing myself, I feel guilty just thinking about wishing for cancer when it’s somehing so horrible. I know I should go to a therapist or something because of how I’m feeling. But I’m worried it’s not depression and I’m just overreacting and I’m worried I’m wasting somebody’s time, and I’m-helpfully worrying people I love. 

I’m really worried as to if I have depression or not and was just wondering what people think. As I’m still a teenager I’m also worried it’s something like teenage hormones or anything like that, that’s just adding to something upsetting me.

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9 Replies

  • Posted

    Suggest you see a free coucilor can you google and find something in your area. Is there a community centre in the area you can call. Is there a Salvation Army anywhere  close even a church. Somewhere you can go in confidence you have to talk to someone you can trust and from my experience these are very good choices. 
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  • Posted

    I'm in Australia and know where you can go. I have lived in the UK and US amongst other places. 

    If you start talking to someone just be really brief and ask if they can they help or can they direct you to the right person. Is there a health care person in your area ? 

    Where are you ( country ) perhaps I may have some other suggestions 

    Regards Col

    I sent another post about 10 minutes ago. 

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  • Posted

    Hi Eve I feel so sad that you are so young and are suffering at such a deep level. It hurts my heart! I am so thankful that you have at least told your mother. I do so hope that while you are this young that you will go to a therapist. I can promise you that they have heard it all! You can't shock them. I think way down deep that you might fear being shamed for what you did and they will not do that! I have a sneaky suspicion that you are shaming yourself enough for everyone. I hurt for you. Thank you for sharing with us on this site as we know how depression feels and how painful it is! Please keep us informed. Diane

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  • Posted

    Oh my dear, You are not overreacting.

    If something in your past is causing you pain,it is very real .

    The best thing (speaking from personal experience) you can do to heal and overcome this is to see a counselor or therapist. They are trained to help you find ways to accept the mistake and move forward in a positive frame of mind. Remember we are ALL human and as such have all made mistakes , the important thing to take away from that is learning and forgiving (esp. forgiving).

    Regardless whether you have depression or not you have come to a forum where we are all together trying to help one another.

    The best thing is to ask a professional to help ,they do a really simple questionaire to help determine if a person has depression or not and then can point you in the right direction to heal and get well. There is nothing to fear.

    You have a bright and inquisitive mind, and I wish you well.

    Let us know how you get along...........virtual hugs.

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  • Posted

    Hi you are still at school?  If so then how about seeing the school counsellor as there is usually one available.  Depending on your age you could see a doctor and arrange for some counselling without having to tell anyone if you don't want too. 

    I do agree with the others though that this sounds more than just teenage hormones and I do think you need some professional advice.  Let us know how you get on.  x

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  • Posted

    Hi Eve - sorry to read of your situation. It's a fact of life that we will do things that cause us shame, embarrassment or even self-loathing. I know I have. You find it difficult yo forgive yourself and move on in life, even perhaps that you have ruined your life because you were careless, made a mistake, were being human. Whatever it is does not define you. It's just another event that took place among millions of other events in your life. The difficulty arises when we give that single event, mistake, accident or human 'failing' the power to eclipse everything else that we have done, who we are, or what we might be.

    You have stated that your Mum knows about the situation, but that it is not mentioned because of awkwardness or thinking more about it. Eve, you are thinking about it. You have cried yourself to sleep over it. You are feeling disgusted about yourself and want to leave the world because of it. You have come here to this site about it. It's affecting your ability to have an open and positive approach to life.

    First step is a doctor. Describe what you are feeling. If you are not comfortable telling the doc what happened, say so. Request a referral to a therapist/counsellor or psychologist where you can bare your soul in a safe, controlled environment. A good doc will automatically suggest this as it will be apparent that you have difficulty discussing the matter. Being comfortable in therapy will take time. You will not be expected to blurt it all out at once and suddenly have an answer. It will take as long as it takes. Everyone is different. The point is it's time to take action and pave the way for the future. You will find out about yourself and that any mistake, no matter what, does not have to define who you think you are.  Go for it - and we are always here to talk.

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