I'm worried I may have borderline personality disorder. How can I tell?

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I've always struggled with regulating my emotions, it started when I was maybe 13 or 14. I never knew I had a problem with it though; I always passed it off as PMS. In the recent years, though, I've noticed I've had this 'PMS' nearly all the time though. For a period of time, I even thought I may have bipolar disorder because of my emotions/outlooks changed so often and so dramatically.

I started self-harming when I was 14, stopping and starting for years. I've tried to get in under control for now, but there are days where I still have bad impulses.

My self-image is very unclear. There are days I feel super confident and great about my body, but there are also days that I feel on top of the world and have more confidence than I know what to do with. There are days I absolutely hate myself and I feel like wearing the baggiest of clothing to hide my figure.

I recently got out of a relationship, that was a journey within itself. I never knew how I truly felt; some days it felt perfect, some days it felt horrible. On the days where I was feeling super attached to my SO, I would do anything to keep them around. However, other days, I would pick fights about anything and everything. I had to end it, though, as the mood swings/constant changing outlooks stressed me out so badly.

My moods tend to swing and change drastically; hours or days. It all depends. These can range from extreme depression, anxiety, mania, anger or emptiness. Every now and then I feel 'normal'. Like I said, I've always tried to convince myself it was just PMS.

I took a few tests online that turned up high/positive, but I'm trying to not self-diagnose, so I figured it'd be easier to list my possible symptoms here.

Long ago, I talked to my doctor about possibly having depression; honestly I just wanted help/answers to what was going on. He told me I probably didn't since I didn't feel depressed all the time. I've never talked to a doctor about it again, nor anyone else. I've just sort of tried to control this in silence.

What should I do?

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  • Posted

    Hi I can relate to a lot of what you have said, I would either see your Doctor again, or ask to see another & explain, but make a double appointment as you will need the extra time. You don`t need to be suffering from Depression ALL the time & you should not have to be trying to cope with all this all on your own. Please let me know how you get on xx

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    • Posted

      Awww bless your heart, I really do feel for you. I was told all along it was Depression until 2014 when eventually I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. It took the Mental Health 30 years to finally come to that conclusion. In those 30 years it destroyed my life in every way possible. I moved area in 2017 & still trying to get accepted back under the Mental Health where I live now to get help. I have a full assessment on 26th of this month, to decide if I am bad enough that they will take me back on. The system is so bad here now, that so many that desperately need help are being turned away, as they do not meet the criteria. Please confide in someone, maybe a close friend or relative that you trust.

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  • Posted

    Hi there I have bpd diagnosed 3 years ago and I'm 53 , I have ed ,depression and anxiety, I was diagnosed by psychologist, I did loads of reading and suddenly it made sense. I have struggled from early age to fit in always in trouble, seeing a child psychologist aged 8 put on meds and was just classed as a naughty kid. I now struggle with addiction and all sorts, my advice would go to doctor and insist on help , I don't know how old you are!! if you have supportive family or friends use them ,. if you have bpd you can get CBT for it I've not had it as my my is to fragile good luck

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    • Posted

      It all started to make sense as soon as I started reading! I kind of had an idea, I thought it was a possibility when I took a psychology class in school; I had to read about borderline personality disorder. It was weird that I related, but I assumed it was nothing.

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