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I've always struggled with regulating my emotions, it started when I was maybe 13 or 14. I never knew I had a problem with it though; I always passed it off as PMS. In the recent years, though, I've noticed I've had this 'PMS' nearly all the time though. For a period of time, I even thought I may have bipolar disorder because of my emotions/outlooks changed so often and so dramatically.
I started self-harming when I was 14, stopping and starting for years. I've tried to get in under control for now, but there are days where I still have bad impulses.
My self-image is very unclear. There are days I feel super confident and great about my body, but there are also days that I feel on top of the world and have more confidence than I know what to do with. There are days I absolutely hate myself and I feel like wearing the baggiest of clothing to hide my figure.
I recently got out of a relationship, that was a journey within itself. I never knew how I truly felt; some days it felt perfect, some days it felt horrible. On the days where I was feeling super attached to my SO, I would do anything to keep them around. However, other days, I would pick fights about anything and everything. I had to end it, though, as the mood swings/constant changing outlooks stressed me out so badly.
My moods tend to swing and change drastically; hours or days. It all depends. These can range from extreme depression, anxiety, mania, anger or emptiness. Every now and then I feel 'normal'. Like I said, I've always tried to convince myself it was just PMS.
I took a few tests online that turned up high/positive, but I'm trying to not self-diagnose, so I figured it'd be easier to list my possible symptoms here.
Long ago, I talked to my doctor about possibly having depression; honestly I just wanted help/answers to what was going on. He told me I probably didn't since I didn't feel depressed all the time. I've never talked to a doctor about it again, nor anyone else. I've just sort of tried to control this in silence.
What should I do?
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