I made a bad choice and I'm scared.

Posted , 5 users are following.

I have only slept with 2 people ever. I have been in what I thought was a committed relationship for 6 months I am on birthcontrol and we started having sex October 12th without protection. now I knew he had slept with others but he said he was clean and hadnt been with anyone since we started dating and said he had gotten tested before hand. I just found out that while in our relationship he has had unprotected (so he says) sex with 22 people in the two months before we had sex. and he was only tested for chylmadia and gonorrhea before he and I had sex. Now I know I am at fault for this because I naively believed my partner. but now I'm terrified I have HIV, cause of the amount of people I have been indirectly exposed to. the last possible exposure was the 18th of December. Everything I am reading is saying the only way for an HIV test to be accurate is to wait 3 months..but I dont know if my anxiety can take it. I have been experiencing so many symptoms I dont know what is real versus what isnt any more. I feel like such an idiot, and i am so scared. does anyone have any advice? he has lupus so he is afraid of a false positive HIV test, and he said he trusted all his partners so we shouldnt have anything to worry about. but I trusted him. I feel so disrespected...and I just wanna roll into a ball and die. and on top that my doctor slut shamed me when I called to try and set up an sti check. I have an appointment the 5th of January..I'm so scared what do you think the likelyhood of my having HIV is....I'm so scared.

0 likes, 6 replies

6 Replies

  • Edited

    Hi,

    I'm so sorry you're going through this. You can have the 4th generation HIV test 28 days after exposure and that is conclusive. Don't worry, HIV is not transmitted easily. The chance of passing the virus through vaginal sex is only 0.004 based on articles.

    • Posted

      thank you for replying I am just so scared I dont even know what to do with myself. if its positive I dont have any idea what to do...I know it isnt transmitted this way but I feel like everything I touch I'm risking passing HIV to people...my anxiety is making me crazy...

  • Posted

    Don't let your anxiety get the better of you. HIV is easily diagnosed with a blood test. It's true it can be undetectable for up to 3 months, so a second blood test then will place your mind at rest. If you stay with this guy and he isn't realistic about the risks he is putting himself in (& you), then get tested every 3 months. Jason's comment about the 4th gen tests is the & take this if it's available to you.

    Also get yourself tested for everything, so expect swaps, urine and blood tests.

    Your bf sounds naive to trust everyone as I doubt they are all friends with benefits who he knows for more than a couple of days!

    Also, I'd consider getting a new doctor as slut shaming you on this situation is just wrong. This implies that the doctors personal opinion is overriding a professional judgement, basically not a good sign.

    Hopefully you discovered a sexual health clinic that treats you for what you have.

    Feel free to dm me if you prefer.

    Rob.

  • Edited

    hi, at this point only one thing you have to do is divert your attention to something else and not that anxiety win on your thoughts.

    it should be all good, as u r just thinking if its this then that and stuff. but all could be fine too.

  • Edited

    he says he was sick about a week after one of the girls with a fever and the sniffles and a head ache. I'm trying so hard to convince him to get tested cause if he has it then at least I will know I do too...but if he doesnt get tested I have to wait the 3 months as the 4th generation tests are not available to me..I've cut off all sexual activities and I'm so scared...all my muscles hurt, I'm getting nauseous and headaches I just ugh idk what to do...I get frequent yeast infections...but I havent gotten one yet so maybe thats a good sign I dont have HIV..and I'm not pregnant so a good sign my birthcontrol worked but it feels like statistically I have to have caught and std...I just feel like it would be just my luck for it to be one of the incurable ones...sorry I just need to let it out someplace someone might take me seriously. my best friend thinks I'm just going nuts and that I cant actually have it as she has slept with 20+ people herself and hasnt had anything even when not using condoms I just...thought I was making good sound sexual health decisions...2 people asking if they had been tested getting on the pill just for him to cheat and say all of this stuff..and for my doctor to tell me when we make "big girl decisions, there may be some big girl consequences" I'm 20 years old. I'm an adult. I'm allowed to want to have sex.

    • Posted

      Well, life is a gamble some get nothing despite high numbers, others get caught on the first time.

      Sounds more like a bad cold, flu or covid than an sti. But it happens to be caught with sexual contact.

      Also, just because he has something, doesn't mean that you will get it. But it is likely. So don't rely on another's test results.

      Yeah, your correct, you're old enough to decide what you want to do & with who.

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.