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I Messed up and now everything is falling apart.

Posted , 4 users are following.

jay22346
jay22346

I cheated on my girlfriend and I think I caught HPV (genital warts). I developed a very small growth on my shaft but doctors said it's too small to verify if it's HPV.

A couple weeks after that unfortunately event. My girlfriend told me we somehow got pregnant. We decided to get an abortion for several reasons. we're still processing the abortion.

I'm disgusted and ashamed of what I did. I regret it with all my heart. I think I developed depression and anxiety from all this. I rarely eat and all I think about is how I ruined 3 lives. I cry myself to sleep and every second I'm awake I'm flooded with sadness and anxiety because of my actions. I want all this to be a bad dream. it hurts so much knowing it's my reality. I think i might have a bit of suicidal thoughts because I used to be afraid of death but now I can't wait to be reunited with my baby.

I know my girlfriend is going to be the most heartbroken and devastated. I don't know how she's going take it. if/when I tell her. if I didn't suspect of having HPV or if this is a false alarm. I would take this to my grave and let it haunt only me and not her. I would make it up to her every day for the rest of my life.

what terrifies me more is the risks of HPV in women. the thought of me being the reason my girlfriend got sick, unwell and life threatening problems destroys me.

I'll never understand what I did. I wasn't thinking right and unfortunately it just happened. I'm a horrible person and I feel so lonely and hopeless but a part of me feels like I deserve all this suffering for what I've done.

1 like, 2 replies

2 Replies

  • michael07228
    michael07228 jay22346

    Edited

    i cant tell you that the feeling will get better. but in time the pain of the mistake will soften. honesty is the hardest thing for me to follow through with. i just lost my job because i had pocketed a $2 product. i got caught and lied about it. i was fired and im still scrambling to get it together. and its hard to keep your head up when its been pushed down but understand when you find the strength to lift it up, youll never have to struggle with that mental muscle memory again because youll know not to make that mistake again. you deserve to be happy, whether mistakes were made. understand its about learning .

  • joshuapryce1987
    joshuapryce1987 jay22346

    Posted

    Messes in this life can cleaned up by using an emotional broom and spiritual mop and positive thinking bucket. Actions on using these tools works well to clean up life situational mess.

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