I need advice

Posted , 5 users are following.

Ok, so here's the situation. I own my house and my best friend lives with me. We have been friends for at least six years now, and I love having her around.

The trouble is, living with her is like living with an angry child. She doesn't pay her rent on time, and won't even go to the bank unless someone yells at her. She doesn't shower or take very good care of herself. She will not do any chores on her own, and when asked to help clean, she gets real unhappy, cleans for 5 minutes, and then hides in her room. She started singing in my hubby's band, which I thought would be good for her, but she's been blowing off practice, and upsetting the other band mates because it wastes their practice time. I'm afraid she's about to quit the band, just like she's quit or given up on everything else I've ever seen her start.

The thing is, I know she suffers from anxiety and depression, so as much as I sometimes want to yell at her, or tell her to get off the computer and do some flippin dishes for once, I understand that that approach might not be helpful.

So I need help. I don't know how to help her and I don't know how to talk to her about her behavior. She can't keep throwing a hissy every time I ask her to tidy up the living room.

And please don't tell me to just toss her out. As much as I might think it may help her if she were forced to live on her own and grow up a little (paying bills, cleaning up after herself, ect) it wouldn't help. Even if I were to callusly kick my best friend to the curb, she'd just go home to her mother, and her mother would let her.

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi,I think you should really sit her down and tell her how u feel,let her know u r not trying to upset her,but she needs grow up and help...just go easy on her since she has anxiety and depression....I to have anxiety and depression and it's really hard to get up and anything!!You may want to help her seek some help,it sounds like she's giving up on everything due to the way she feels,but at the same time you cannot do everything by yourself!!You do not want for this to tear ur friendship apart..let her know you need her to help more,and be on time with her rent or somethings will just have to change!!It'll be hard but you have to do sumthing about it!!!!good luck!!!!
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  • Posted

    Hi, my guess is, she's been relying too much on her friends (eg: you) and family (eg: her mom). That's why when exposed to the reality of life, she can't cope with those and become anxiety.

    I think you can subtly and gently open her mind to change. Unless she voluntarily opens up herself, no feedback from you will really hit the nail. Instead, she'll feel criticised and put down.

    So how can you subtly open her mind? Via books and audio. Find some self-help books that are short and easy to read. Then put them where she can easily see, as if you accidentally put them there, 1 or 2 books at a time. Similarly, when she's around, you can play some motivational audio book from youtube.

    The good thing with books and CDs are, when you read them or listen to them, it's as if you're talking to yourself. So you're less resistant to the ideas.

    Some recommendations are "You can heal your life" or "I can do it" by Louise L Hay.

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  • Posted

    Hi I once shared a house with my best friend and it was a nightmare.  I found she was intolerant,  impatient and spent hours in her room.   I feel the cold and because she was so fat she didn't and insisted the heating was turned off or down.  She wouldn't tackle the garden so I had to do it all.   The crunch came when I,  thinking she was in one night,  put the chain on the front door.   She had got back around 2 am and had to spend the rest of the night in her car.  It was a genuine mistake but she was furious and shoved me really hard.  We had a big row and put the property on the market and each bought ourselves a flat instead.    Phew what a relief.

    The trouble with your friend is someone ie her mum and latterly you.  take care of her and she hasn't grown up yet.   But she isn't your problem and it isn't as if you were kicking her out to live on the street is it?   If mummy wants her back then let her have her.   She isn't going to change and grow up is she and you can't make her.   You are not her mother and she wants someone to look after her - is that going to be you?   x

     

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  • Posted

    I'm sorry but I watch alot of Intervention...I agree with a responder in that the first step is sitting down and talking with her.....and tell her how she is affecting your life and your MOOD.  Tell her that you understand the depression and you either see her or don't see her seeking help.

    The bottom line is if you accept these behaviors...than you have to live with them and try not to let them affect you.  But, they are affecting you.

    I understand you don't want to lose the friendship...losing friendships are painful...so weigh benefits vs. the downside.  Its easy for me to say send her to her Moms...and I know that is the RIGHT thing to do to HELP her.

    But, if your not able to do that...than you have to live and accept the way she is...

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